moguls

Rahm Emanuel Will Send You to Gitmo If You Cross Ari

Superagent Ari Emanuel is the most powerful man in Hollywood, according to the New York Times. More »

06/10/09

5,992

17

By Pareene

Comment by bytememehard: Will Ari Gold have a brother in the White House this season? 4 Responses | Other threads

tell-tale seizures

Agent Can't Believe Man Has the Nerve to Have a Seizure During Her Client's Tribeca Premiere

At the Tribeca screening of wretched-sounding horror flick Tell-Tale, some lady in the back started shrieking, interrupting the screening and angering an agent. Why was the rude lady yelling? Her husband was having a seizure. More »

04/27/09

7,048

14

By Richard Lawson

Comment by NinaHagen: I continue to sing my song - "Film people are shit...." 2 Responses | Other threads

assistants

Callrollah, Please: Meet The Rapping Hollywood Assistants

We'd like to present the mad skillz of hip-hop supergroup Back of the Class: More »

02/18/09

3,777

7

By Seth

Comment by fractal_elves: "She sounds like Paris but she looks like Perez." Can't be true-r. 1 Responses | Other threads

agents

Endeavor and WMA to Fuse Into One Baby-Devouring Superagency?

Deadline Hollywood reports that Endeavor—A-list Hollywood dealmaking nexus and after-hours playground to adult-diapered scenester photographers—is negotiating a merger with WMA, a marriage that would produce the all-powerful Whamdeavor!™ agency. (They're not married to the name.) More »

02/17/09

3,242

8

By Seth

Comment by DarkKnightShyamalan: I hear they have a location all picked out, too: 1 Responses | Other threads

short ends

Today On Martha: Puppy Yoga

· So Martha's pissed at Gawker, but as far as we know she still loves Defamer and wants us on her show just as soon as her schedule allows. Meanwhile: Puppy Beagle Yoga! ZOMG! More »

01/27/09

10,899

15

By Seth

Comment by Alonso Duralde: Not the sort of trivia in which I should claim expertise, but there have been many, many 3D porn movies... 2 Responses | Other threads

agents

Hey, Ari: Hope You're Enjoying That Power-Breakfast Bagel!

Behold the splendor that is Mark "The Cobrasnake" Hunter, splayed in nothing but skivvies and white loafers across the fabled Endeavor conference table. (40-foot long Corian, white laminated glass, stainless steel, hand-carved by an ancient order of Unicorn Panda craftsmen—you know the one.) More »

11/19/08

5,208

13

By Seth

Comment by Huge Tracts of Land: This guy is 8 levels up from your typical scenester douchebag. He's like a douchecomet. 4 Responses | Other threads

rahm emanuel

20 Rahm Emanuel Fun Facts For A New, Ari-Friendly White House

With news that Rep. Rahm Emanuel—fourth-ranking Democrat and brother to Endeavor head and sporadic HuffPo grump Ari Emanuel—is mulling President-elect Barack Obama's offer to be his chief of staff, we thought we'd help you cram with this list of some essential and less-essential Rahm knowledge: More »

11/05/08

20,399

28

By Seth

agents

UTA Riles Some With Its 'Black Boy Chained To Monkey' Lobby Portrait

Nikki Finke ran a story yesterday about a controversial portrait hung in UTA's new 4th floor gallery. The project is the brainchild of partner Jeremy Zimmer—whom, she points out, has courted controversy before, back in the days when he'd ignore "the complaints of women...when he used to urinate out the window of UTA's old offices." (Is that an issue? We've never heard a peep out of the smog-test facility guys beneath Defamer HQ.) The photograph in question, "Dayaba Usman With The Monkey Clear, Nigeria 2005" (pictured above), was taken by a South African photographer of some renown, Pieter Hugo. Some staffers were offended, and demanded it come down: More »

10/15/08

1,381

8

By Seth

Comment by Little Mintz Sunshine: And the fact that the monkey is wearing capri pants offends no one?! 1 Responses | Other threads

trade roundup

Ridley Scott Heads Back To The Future

· Ridley Scott's first sci fi film since Alien and Blade Runner will be The Forever War, a project delayed for decades over book rights. Please God let it not star Russell Crowe. [Variety] More »

10/13/08

1,597

1

By Seth

Comment by Benovite: "highish-profile client list"? Try absurdly mediocre. more » | Other threads

assistants

Achieve Your Dream Of Picking Up Some Asshole's Dog's Dry Cleaning Via The UTA Job List Blog

For many just starting out in Hollywood, the journey begins somewhat inauspiciously at the UTA job list: It's a precious catalog of the latest assistant openings, hand-lettered on babyskin parchment scrolls, sealed in scarlet wax pressed in the agency's pregnancy-test-reminiscent logo, and handed off at twilight between cloaked agency footmen on foggy stretches of Pico Blvd. But you're in luck, because now it's also a blog! Let's see what the assistant-needy are looking for today: More »

10/07/08

3,416

18

By Seth

Comment by Little Mintz Sunshine: Darned it...and here I am looking for a fifth assistant position. 1 Responses | Other threads

caa

Whooop! Whooop! CAA Kitchen Fire! Just when you had been lulled into a false sense of Death Star culinary confidence—positive that no incendiary Chinese appetizers would again engulf the TV lit department in thick clouds of cabbage-and-pork-scented smoke—comes this CAA! Kitchen! Fire! Deathtrap! Exclusive! "Subject: CAA can't cook! they set fire to their kitchen and got evacuated!" We ask that you remain calm at this time, until we get a full headcount (just the agents, obviously—not assistants); commuters in the Century City area, meanwhile, are instructed to keep as far away from the scene as possible, regardless of how enticing those wafting, mouth-watering gusts of BBQ baby meat might be. [Defamer]

08/26/08

314

2

By Seth

Comment by SteamyMcFirecrotch: The assistats are fine. They still haven't made it upstairs from the 10th level sub-basement parking area. more » | Other threads

giuliana rancic

E! Host Giuliana Rancic Sues WMA For Daring to Employ Other Clients

There are certain universal truths about Hollywood agents: namely, that they never pick up your phone calls, deal with you mostly through their assistants, and always seem to be finding work for people who aren't you. Sadly, E! bobblehead Giuliana Rancic (who we last saw announcing the death of "Brad Redfro" while dressed in a somber tube top) has failed to grasp that last tenet — in fact, she's suing her agents at William Morris for having the audacity to focus on anyone but her. Says Page Six: More »

08/05/08

2,551

15

By Kyle Buchanan

Comment by spikespeigel: Jules Asner, please come back!!! more » | Other threads

trade roundup

Warners Buys 'Drink, Play, F@&k' On Strength Of Title Alone

· Warner Bros. purchased the rights to the upcoming book Drink, Play, F@#K, a parody of chick-lit bestseller Eat, Pray, Love, in which a man "goes on a bender in Ireland, takes a gambling jaunt to Las Vegas and a embarks on a sex-tourism trip to Thailand." The hope is to launch a new guy-friendly franchise, with a sequel—Puke, Broke, AIDS—already in the works. [THR] More »

08/05/08

1,327

12

By Seth

Comment by adminslave: Yeah, um, another drop in the ocean: you're fucking funny, Seth. more » | Other threads

ari emanuel

Ari Emanuel Lists His World-Bettering Clients For Charlie Rose

On yesterday's episode of Charlie Rose, Endeavor superagent and frequent HuffPo-contributing gripe-haver Ari Emanuel joined his two equally accomplished siblings—Rahm, an Illinois Congressman, Ezekiel, a National Institutes of Health bioethicist—for a roundtable entitled, "A discussion about healthcare with Ezekiel, Ari, and Rahm Emanuel." Asked by Rose how he ended up in the comparatively glamorous arena of entertainment, the Endeavor head explained how he considers himself not so much a Hollywood agent as a showbizethicist, taking on only those artists whose work can elicit some societal change. More »

06/17/08

4,712

10

By Seth

Comment by Little Mintz Sunshine: @Dave_Seaman: You mean the piece after Mel's anti-Semetic tirade? Yeah, that was soo brave. more » | Other threads

caa

CAA Assistant Escapes Death Star P-4 To Tell Of The Parking Horrors That Lurk Beneath

Our noting earlier of a rumor that CAA assistants were now being made to park in a life-size Connect 4 board on the bottommost level of the Death Star parking structure brings us this report from an operative directly affected by the new policy: More »

06/13/08

5,738

15

By Seth

Comment by franimaljones: if she's been there a year she could get a job anywhere. hr agencies know how shitty talent agencies treat... more » | Other threads

caa

CAA Assistants Banished To The Darkest Reaches Of Death Star's Reactor Parking Core

As if life wasn't hard enough for the Stormtrooping underclass aboard the CAA Death Star—one moment, they're required to spend an afternoon with their foot wedged beneath their boss's wobbly Aeron chair, the next, they're returning a baby coldcuts platter to Jerry's for not having "enough girl meat"—Deadline Hollywood Daily reports the agency's assistants are now subjected to this: More »

06/13/08

2,137

12

By Seth

Comment by franimaljones: kids, kids! get out while you can and moved to the nice B-level stacked parking! now with the new hedge... more » | Other threads

defamer

End-Of-Monday Tallies Put 'Racer' At Third, UTA Minus One Emile Hirsch

It seems as if our reconnaissance on Speed Racer—quickly shaping up to be one of the biggest turkeys in recent Hollywood history—proved correct: The film was indeed third at the box office this weekend, taking in $18.6 million, $1.6 million short of the bloated studio estimates released yesterday. (What Happens in Vegas actually $200k more than its $2 million estimate.) And there's more Racer roadkill: More »

05/12/08

4,816

6

By Seth

Comment by Benovite: Quitter. Shani call me, let's talk(about how to pronounce your last name among other things). more » | Other threads

dept of confusing charts

Screenwriter Agency-Hopscotch For Visual Learners

Were you, like us, rendered an incapacitated, drooling mess after trying to slog through Variety's report on the agency-defection madness currently gripping the screenwriting trade? Perhaps you are simply a visual learner, in which case we've drafted for you a handy pictorial guide to the recent comings and goings of the Bedhopping Six. (We managed to find photos of all them, save the Google Image-shy husband-wife team of Cormac and Marianne Wibberley, the National Treasure writers instead represented by Nicolas Cage wielding a torch inside Mt. Rushmore's Teddy Roosevelt nostril.) More »

05/08/08

1,871

2

By Seth

Comment by TheStarterWife: @mr.Man: Especially after the whole Broder merger. more » | Other threads

agency shuffle

Endeavor Gets Punk'd by Ashton Kutcher

It's a story as old as Hollywood itself: An attractive actor who's done everything he can to get himself into the spotlight just can't get the roles he wants. Is it because his acting isn't quite up to par? Of course not... It's because his agent sucks! More »

04/08/08

2,654

5

By Paula Dixon

Comment by raincoaster: @Kdoggy: Truthfully, Johnny Depp played that schtick for years until John Waters took him aside and told him he actually... more » | Other threads

trade roundup

Ben Silverman To Whisk You Away From Society's Ills

· NBC is close to unveiling their very fantasy- and action-heavy 2008-09 lineup, including a pickup of Knight Rider, and Robinson Crusoe, an "'adrenaline-charged' update of the classic tale." Said Ben Silverman, "We just wanted to give audiences a viable alternative to all the really, really gay stuff Steve McPherson seems to love so much over at ABC." [Variety] More »

03/31/08

988

4

By Seth

Comment by CrankYank: @OldTowneTavern: He really is a ratings slut. more » | Other threads

vince vaughn

A disturbance in the Vince Vaughn-management force yesterday sent ripples across the universe; within minutes, the CAA Death Star had dispatched two TIE fighters to snatch up the free-floating superstar—just as they did with former UTA clients Jim Carrey and Will Ferrell. One lunchtime pitch session, catered by Zankou Baby, was all it took to convince Vaughn he had found a new family among the Dark Lords of the CAA Sith. [Variety]

03/19/08

1,253

14

By Seth

Comment by Benovite: @bonniegrrl: It's like being at the JC and the SW.com boards all over again!!!O_o! more » | Other threads

breakups

Why Did Vince Vaughn Phone-Dump His Reps?

If you're the average superstar, surrounding yourself with a dream-team of handlers is probably the single most important decision you'll make: Any weak link in the commission-claiming chain can result in the kinds of career missteps that result in disastrous tumbles down the Hollywood food chain, where you'll soon find yourself groveling for any elephant-voicing breadcrumbs the studios are still willing to toss your way. (Needless to say, with plenty of strings attached). Vince Vaughn knows this all too well, and he's reportedly disposed of his entire team in one phoned-in management massacre. From the Deadline Hollywood Daily exclusive: More »

03/18/08

4,414

7

By Seth

Comment by tbolt: @SteamyMcFirecrotch: E.Its all about the new green friendly Vaughn, plus he saved $20 on gas. more » | Other threads

defamer

SpitzerGate Leads Ari Emanuel To Question Where All The Honest Politicians Have Gone

It's been too long since we've cuddled up with HuffPo powerblogger Ari Emanuel: The dissolution of his Ari's Frustration of the Day column by no stretch of the imagination suggests the Endeavor partner has suddenly developed a Zen-like acceptance of his rightful, bitch-hugging place in the universe. On the contrary, it seems that certain lurid acts committed by state-level politicians have nudged the bug that's taken permanent residence inside his hindquarters further up the Ari Coast than ever before: More »

03/12/08

6,653

5

By Seth

Comment by Double Banger: And I thought the "period" was implied by the "." more » | Other threads

fighting the man

UTA's Assistant-Dehumanization Campaign Surprisingly Unpopular With UTA Assistants

We turn now to the toiling assistant underclass, thanklessly shoveling call-rolling coal into the giant furnaces of the majestic agenting ships that dominate the Hollywood seas. (Forgive us. We're tired and all we can manage are Titanic-inspired metaphors right now.) Sadly, it's news of yet another dehumanizing blow to their ranks, as UTA higher-ups circulated a memo today informing assistants they would no longer have e-mail addresses using their own names. Instead, their new e-mail addresses would reflect their parasitic dependency on their desk-lamp-launching host-agents. The memo: More »

03/06/08

7,169

21

By Seth

Comment by The Authority: D Day, good for you honey walking out of that bear trap. Guaranteed every one of those limp dicks was... more » | Other threads

agents

Breaking! More news from the front lines of what some are already calling the Great CAA Egg Roll Fire of 2008. Another reader reports: "Ironically, I am told the egg roll caught fire in the microwave. HR removed all CAA's toaster ovens months ago...(wait for it), 'fire hazard,' they said. Is no one safe?" Clearly, the carefully calibrated CAA microwaves, set to cook a fresh baby to perfection in its own steamer bag with a mere two clicks of the potato button, as a commenter once pointed out, were not equipped to handle something as small as an egg roll. Developing...

03/04/08

1,040

8

By Seth

Comment by Creepmouse: HR removed all CAA's toaster ovens months ago...(wait for it), 'fire hazard,' they said. Is no one safe?" Much like in... more » | Other threads

agents

Sometimes, all it takes is something relatively insignificant—say, the firing of two proton torpedoes down a thermal exhaust port that leads directly to a reactor core, or an overcooked chinese appetizer—to fell the seemingly invulnerable. This just in from a Defamer operative stationed in the vicinity of the CAA Death Star: "Not sure if you heard, but apparently the caa bldg. was evacuated because someone burnt an egg roll in a toaster oven and it set off the fire alarm." We encourage further eyewitness accounts of the burnt-egg-roll carnage (and baby-flavored dipping sauces) that brought operations at Hollywood's most powerful institution to a grinding halt.

03/04/08

2,719

8

By Seth

Comment by Superstarsteve: Is said egg roll being sent to Homeland Security in Washington D.C. for a full investigation? I'm sure DNA... more » | Other threads

agents

Well, we certainly weren't expecting this on our last day, but we'll share the nice, unsigned note we just got from the address deathstarvader@hotmail.com: "Hey, buddy, best o' luck! Some of us just met up in the fourth floor kitchenette to nuke one up in your honor! They get a little tough when you prepare them this way, but whatever! LOL!" [Image via WoW Report]

02/15/08

2,510

10

By Mark

Comment by Miss d: I prefer mine lightly braised in a white wine sauce - but when you're in a hurry... more » | Other threads

defamer

Jennifer Connelly Lured Into the CAA Death Star

Following the magical transformation of longtime rep Risa Shapiro from agent to manager (the ceremony, we're told, involves drinking the still-warm blood of a freshly slain mailroom clerk), Jennifer Connelly has signed with CAA, having been vulnerable just long enough for the Creative Artists' tractor beams to pull her from her former agency's nearby Century City headquarters and into the gaping maw of the Death Star. While we're sure that now-manager Shapiro's first order of business was making the transition as painless as possible for the actress, we're sure that the decision was still at least a little agonizing, particularly the part where Connelly was forced to choose which of her adorable children to turn over to CAA as career-boosting collateral, ensuring that the new client will think twice about abandoning the relationship once their honeymoon period wears off. [Deadline Hollywood Daily]

02/08/08

929

3

By Mark

Comment by Miss d: MILF of the century. more » | Other threads

defamer

Desperate Academy Begs WGA For Oscar Answers

· Anxious that the Oscars are approaching and he still has no real idea of whether or the WGA—obviously a little preoccupied with their own issues—intends to grant a waiver for their awards ceremony, Academy president Sid Ganis begs the Guild for answers so that complicated logistical issues can be resolved. "We're running out time! [desperate punctuation ours]," wails Ganis, pleading for the sweet release of either a simple "yes" or "no." [Variety] More »

02/07/08

906

1

By Mark

trade roundup

CAA Abducts Barbie, Adds Her To Evil Hollywood Harem

· Mattel joins fellow toy manufacturer Hasbro in leaping into CAA's embrace, turning over brands like American Girl, Hot Wheels and Fisher-Price to the agency for potentially lucrative Hollywood exploitation. First order of business: attaching artificially smooth client Nicole Kidman to a live-action Barbie project by convincing her that another round of full-body laser resurfacing should erase any concerns about being far too old for the part. [Variety] More »

02/05/08

887

5

By Mark

Comment by bestdamnedtapper: Oh, Amy Adams! No! Do not go gently into Stiller swill! This is your MOMENT, darling! more » | Other threads

defamer

Report: Oprah Winfrey Network Deal Forces CAA Death Star To Devour One Of Its Own

Life behind the gleaming walls of the CAA Death Star, it should hardly surprise you to hear, is not all baby-buffets and games: Being the most powerful agenting force in the universe means that daily, high-stakes deals negotiated by employees with Vader-sized ambitions will occasionally require the building to fold in on itself and munch on one of its own. Which is precisely what happened to TV packager Michael Camacho after getting his hands a little to deeply inside the Oprahphagus. From Deadline Hollywood Daily: More »

02/04/08

4,983

3

By Seth

Comment by The Authority: For Immediate Release: Announcing the Michael Camacho Agency. Ring. Ring. "Agency." "Is Mr. Camacho there?" "No, I can put you through... more » | Other threads

defamer

[Note: UPDATE after the jump!] In what represents a clear snacking downgrade from the delicious, piping hot churros that had previously won CAA near-universal acclaim from the striking-writer community, the evil agenting monolith's conspicuously overdressed, munchie-proferring emissaries were spotted at this afternoon's Hollywood Blvd. Solidarity March distributing—audible gasp!—scones. More »

11/20/07

2,119

4

By Mark

Comment by Mr-Busy: "We write the story-afor Eva Longoria" WE WANT LASANGA! more » | Other threads

agents

After drawing his 100-decibel HuffPo blogophone to his lips to let Hollywood know he's displeased that his personal strike fund is being rapidly depleted by his constant contributions to his children's swear jar (if this keeps up, they'll have enough saved for Priuses of their own by February), Endeavor superagent Ari Emanuel directs his frustration at WGA negotiator David Young, reminding him that all the red-shirted groupie tail he's been pulling after crowd-surfing at Guild rallies will dry up if he forgets what made him so desirable in the first place: "And Dave Young, the writers' chief negotiator, seems to be basking in the limelight, telling the LA Times that he was treated like "a rock star" at rallies and pickets all over town. Must be heady for a union organizer who came out of the schmata business. Yes, Hollywood is intoxicating. But Dave, you need to remember that people are hurting — and that this is not about you, and it's not about being a rock star. In any case, rock stars don't get the cheers and the adulation and the groupies and the money by not recording records and not going out on tour. They get in the studio, they hit the road, they make deals." [HuffPo]

11/15/07

542

9

By Mark

Comment by Cacafuego: Jealous, much, Ari? more » | Other threads

defamer

SUBSCRIBE TO Gawker