Gawker
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murder by numbers
The Summer People Stopped Watching Network TV
Already in a down-trend this whole year, network television is suffering from drastically low ratings this summer. ABC, for example? They just posted their lowest. ratings. EVER—ever!—in the 18-49 demographic. Other nets aren't doing much better. More »
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Comment by kookla: I can tell you what's wrong with TV: The Mentalist, The Listener, and The Guy Who Can Tell You're Lying.... 2 Responses | Other threads
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perspectives
Jimmy Kimmel's Anti-ABC Rant Is Too a Big Deal
Finally video footage of late night host Jimmy Kimmel's evisceration of ABC at their own goddamned upfronts has surfaced. And, surprise surprise? It's really not all that controversial—mostly funny jokes and inside-baseball industry hoo-haw, thrown in because it was supposed to be a closed audience. So what's the fuss? More »
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Comment by Soup: The Leno line is my favorite part. How does Jay still have a career? How does anyone actually watch his... 3 Responses | Other threads
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exclusive
ABC Internal Video Teaches Us How to Market The Smoking Clown
ABC's marketing department is so hardcore that they will get Mickey Mouse to hand out cigarettes to children if that's what it takes to get people to watch their crappy shows! More »
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Comment by TedSez: Krusty: "They drove a dumptruck full of money up to my house. I'm not made of stone!" 1 Responses | Other threads
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freakouts
Jimmy Kimmel Destroys ABC at ABC Upfronts
Gawker's old pal Jimmy Kimmel had what the Times' Dave Itzkoff termed as a "'Jerry Maguire'-like moment" while delivering an address to potential advertisers at ABC's upfront presentation on Tuesday, and it was simply awesome.
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Comment by kolacek: More stories about Jimmy Kimmel, brave Jewish comedian busting corporate balls and fewer stories about Shia LaBeouf, Jewish tiny penis-haver. It... 11 Responses | Other threads
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trade roundup
George Clooney to Star as Martin Luther King in Lars von Trier's New Biopic
Just kidding. Today we have more news from the TV upfronts, plus movie word from sunny, splashy, ridiculous Cannes. More »
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Comment by Motoko Kusanagi: Lars von Trier is definitely an asshole, but he also might actually be the greatest director in the world. ... 4 Responses | Other threads
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TV Wars
Mickey Mouse Assimilated By Hulu Aliens
The extraterrestrials at Hulu have staged another coup in their bid to take over television. Disney has struck up a deal with the online video site, meaning we get ABC shows now. More »
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Comment by DahlELama: Excellent news about ABC Family--I'm so sick of having to watch missed episodes of Greek (WTF is up with putting... 3 Responses | Other threads
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real estate
Buy Candy Spelling's $150 Million House! (Please?)
Candy Spelling has a book to sell. And a $150 million manor to sell. Both are good reasons for the widow of Hollywood megaproducer Aaron Spelling to be talking to 20/20. More »
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By Owen ThomasComment by MyNameIsChris: Candy Spelling lives in a condo downtown now? Really?!?!!? That's the most amazing part of this story to me. 7 Responses | Other threads
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Sitcommunism
The Future of Television is Laid-Off Bankers
Look, the nimble television networks are seamlessly transitioning into recession-era programming! Instead of sitcoms about upwardly mobile whites, it's sitcoms about downwardly mobile whites. With product placement for the poors! More »
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Comment by joefry: Yeah, the poor people. I'll stick to watching the piles of money in my bathroom. Who am I kidding, I'm eating... 6 Responses | Other threads
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television
Homeland Security Thwarts Foreign Sandwich
If you are not watching the heroic men and women keeping our borders safe in the dramatic ABC show Homeland Security, then realize that you are missing the single most asinine show on television. More »
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Comment by SaraRueful: I'm probably going to piss a lot of people off here, but if Maximiliano actually spoke English, the cops probably... 10 Responses | Other threads
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late night
Jimmy Kimmel Strands Self On Late-Night High Road
Ideally it would have been great to see Jimmy Kimmel come out and cut Nightline's throat in his just-released interview with Broadcasting & Cable. But! There remain some jagged edges in his late-night diplomacy. More »
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By STVComment by WillieLumpkin: Jimmy isn't in a 12:30 ghetto, he's in a 12:00 ghetto. Or is it a 12:00 batcave? Either... 1 Responses | Other threads
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grey's anatomy
Breaking! T.R. Knight and Katherine Heigl Will Continue to Reluctantly Drag Themselves Onto 'Grey's' Set
Well, that was a nice while it lasted. News that Grey's Anatomy powerkvetchers Katherine Heigl and T.R. Knight had left the show—Heigl off to various slumcom pursuits, Knight to, um—appears to have been premature. More »
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By SethComment by Old No.7: Here's a better idea: Cancel the entire fucking show. 1 Responses | Other threads
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lost
'Lost' Smoke Monster Returns To Administer Deadly Valentine's Day Hug
The return of Ol' Smokey on Lost answered one of the drama's many questions (at least for us): What exactly is the Monster? Guilty of loving too much, that's what! More »
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Comment by ayama: i was also impressed with the frenchies. i also wished they hadn't killed charlotte. now there's only 3 women left on... 2 Responses | Other threads
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Terminations
Excitable ABC Now Firing Cast Members On ALL Its Shows
In this economy, ABC can't afford to only let go every gay, gay-adjacent, or gay-hating actor on Grey's Anatomy. Other ABC series are feeling the burn, and two newly departing actors were announced today. More »
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Comment by checkyaself: I've never watched Desperate Housewives so I could careless. I knew once this show was marketed as the suburban soap... 1 Responses | Other threads
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Dance History
We Pair The Cast of 'Dancing with the Stars' With the Greatest Choreographers of All Time
ABC unveiled the cast of Dancing with the Stars last night, and in a flight of artsy-fartsy-fancy, we've paired them with a choreographer from history we think could best serve them throughout the competition.
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By SethComment by NoWireHangers: Isadora Duncan, Seth? You dream about that Angela Landsbury sensual MASS-age video don't you? 1 Responses | Other threads
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oscars
The Big Secret: Oscar Cannons?
What the Oscars lack in viewership will be made up for in spectacle—everything from Judd Apatow's sprawling A Salute to Penis to a Busby Berkeley-esque number placing Hugh Jackman inside a circle of scissor-kicking aboriginal-wind-spirits. More » -
v
The 'V' Breakdowns: Seeking Rat-Gobbling Anderson Cooper-Type
AICN got breakdowns for ABC's pilot remake of V, about reptilian aliens who descend on L.A. pretending to be peaceful, before unhinging their jaws and swallowing us alive. (It's loosely based on the CAA story.) More » -
trade roundup
Channing Tatum: Orphaned Killing Machine
· 2 Dance 2 Flyiest star Channing Tatum was cast in The Brotherhood of the Rose, about two orphans raised by a CIA operative to become orphan-killing-machines. It's only loosely based on Maddox Pitt-Jolie's life. [Variety] More »
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By SethComment by everfade: Oh Channing, less clothes and cover more of your face please. 2 Responses | Other threads
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layoffs
Today In We're Screwed: Disney-ABC TV Lays Off 400
Disney-ABC TV president Anne Sweeney sent out one of those stomach-dropping memos today, informing employees that 400 would be let go—from every division, and running all the way up the flagpole. It's after the jump. More »
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By SethComment by Tiger_Tanaka: Should have been you, Katherine Heigl. 1 Responses | Other threads
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ratings
ABC Gaywashers Now Waving Brush In 'Ugly Betty's' Direction
Since Grey's Anatomy has been almost totally same-sex scrubbed, the ABC series remaining with the gayest sensibility is the Thursday night mainstay Ugly Betty. Now, even that show is in some incredibly butch danger. More »
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Comment by NoWireHangers: This season of Betty has been shitty, and thus I haven't really been watching. Something was lost in the move... 4 Responses | Other threads
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dancing with the stars
Did McCain forbid Cindy from joining Dancing w/the Stars? [Pg6]
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spoilers
Breaking 'The Bachelor' Code: This Season's Winner Revealed! Possibly!
If you, like us, can barely endure a season's worth of Bachelor rose-distributions and Fantasy Suite-nailings to learn who absilicious father-of-one Jason Mesnick chose to be his lawfully contracted reality bride: we have exciting news. More »
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By SethComment by GiovanniGreene: Cool! But I'm not sure if people watch the show just to find out who the bachelor will ultimately... more » | Other threads
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the bachelor
Eager Reality Puppet Deanna Pappas Trotted Out Like Prize Heifer On 'The Bachelor'
While Momma's Boys continues to advance the reality dating show genre in lightly incestuous ways, the stale Bachelor franchise looks to be growing desperate. More »
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By SethComment by NoWireHangers: About this season of the Bachelor, let me just point out the following. Remember Temptation Island? Fox's crappy reality show... 2 Responses | Other threads
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the view
Ladies Of 'The View' Unanimously Oppose Naming Your Child Adolf Hitler
Valkyrie-Opening Eve is days away, when children leave plates of strudel and wheat beer for Santa Claus von Stauffenberg, in the hopes they'll wake up to a Hitler-assassination the next morning.
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By SethComment by schweppes: Sherri's pronunciation of swa-STICK-ah makes my head tingle. 1 Responses | Other threads
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bruce springsteen
The Boss, 'Office' to Battle 'Wipeout' in Super Bowl of the Soul
Chalk up another victory for the creative class: ABC's obstacle-course competition hit Wipeout will return for two episodes on Super Bowl Sunday, directly challenging both NBC's halftime show featuring Bruce Springsteen and a special postgame edition of The Office. It's the biggest such counterprogramming battle in five years, and as with everything else pertaining to the network these days, the Peacock might be in trouble.
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By STVComment by NoGrumpys: For true counter programming on Super Bowl day try THE PUPPY BOWL on Animal Planet WOOF! 1 Responses | Other threads
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lost
What 'Lost' Donkey Wheel Do We Need To Turn To Make 'The Fray' Disappear?
Because when it comes to melodramatic Lost promos set to the essential catalogue of The Fray—the soundtrack of our lives, really—too much is never enough, we bring you the seventh Lost trailer, featuring some rearranged footage you've already seen and that song you love so much! (This one doesn't actually feature the band, though fret not: We understand they do crash land on the magically reappearing island, where they are swiftly put to work putting out a subpar Nickelback single every 108 minutes—or everything will explode!) In case you've forgotten where we've left off last season, giant, swooshing intertitles helpfully remind us that "6 WERE RESCUED...THE REST...WE HAVE NO F&*%@ING CLUE BUT HOPEFULLY WE'LL GET THAT SORTED OUT." Needless to say, we're so there—hairy-chested Jack or not. [Lost]
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By SethComment by StylusPictures: Here's a leaked clip from the new season that got out this morning...+ Watch video 1 Responses | Other threads
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Their Time
Death Comes To ABC: 'Daisies,' 'Money,' 'Stone' Meet Their Makers
Breaking news, as THR is reporting that ABC "has decided against picking up" struggling series—in decreasing order of belovedness—Pushing Daisies, Dirty Sexy Money, and Eli Stone. By not actually saying the word "canceled," the network leaves the door open to ordering future episodes, but THR puts the odds of that at "improbable." More »
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By SethComment by enriquez the water bottle: God, I'm already dreading the superfans who will send ABC tens of thousands of daisies in protest. 4 Responses | Other threads
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pushing daisies
DaisyPushingWatch. ABC's Wednesday night lineup reached series lows. The close-to-flatlining Pushing Daisies was down 27% since its last airing opposite The Barack Obama Show, and Private Practice and Dirty Sexy Money didn't fare much better, down 15% each. On a more positive note, Gary Unmarried is up 29%! [THR]
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By SethComment by BowlingForDollars: God bless it! Is ABC just not promoting this show? IT'S GREAT! WTF would they put on instead? Another shiteous version of... 1 Responses | Other threads
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the view
Man's Second Pregnancy Leads To Quadruple Head-Detonation For Ladies Of 'The View'
You really have to sympathize with The View's braintrust, whose knowledge of topics like arts and science, current events, and the general shape of the planet is mostly limited to whatever producers can fit on a 5x8 cue card. Watching them try to argue the fundamental issues behind the Prop 8 firestorm is about as productive as watching four black-crested macaques change a spare tire—you know they'll get there eventually, but you're looking at many grueling hours of mutual nit-picking before they do. More »
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By SethComment by Old No.7: Notice that Joy and her penis are absent from the discussion. 1 Responses | Other threads
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callicagate
'Grey's' Banishes Its Lesbian to The Parking Lot of No Return
Grey's Anatomy finally entered the final phase of its gaywashing yesterday, disposing of Brooke Smith's Dr. Hahn in a scene as muddled and incoherent as Smith's actual firing. More »
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Comment by soiebrute: Whatevs, she's not that hot anyway. Bye bye Dr. Hahn! more » | Other threads
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pixie dust
Just How Hot Is The New Tinker Bell, And How Much Of A Perv Are You For Thinking So?
The Village Voice has gotten a good look at Disney's new straight-to-DVD Tinker Bell (now in 3-D with speaking capabilities!), and declares the 2008 version of the spritely heroine—the original of whom is wrongly rumored to be modeled on Marilyn Monroe—to be a platitudinous pixie snore. They also find her extremely "sexy/creepy...a chubby-cheeked, slightly infantilized adolescent with the body of a grown woman. She sports the skimpiest dress in the movie." More »
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By SethComment by goldfarb: generic shit... Tinker Bell can now join Barbie in the "3D Hall of Shame"+ Watch video 2 Responses | Other threads
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king of the hill
Hope For The Hill? The recently canceled King of the Hill may yet live on, as a Fox rep has confirmed that "another network is interested" in the long-running and consistently solid (but terminally unbuzzworthy) series. The show is still averaging at about a 3.4 rating—the same numbers CBS's "breakout hit" The Mentalist is getting—and reached as high as a 4.3 after last Sunday's Simpsons Halloween special. Fun fact: Did you know Bobby is voiced by Pamela Adlon, aka Mrs. Louie from short-lived Louis C.K. sitcom Lucky Louie? [THR]
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By SethComment by yikesahootie: YAY YAY YAY -- this is happy news if it comes to pass. Fox just has it in for Mike... more » | Other threads
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CallicaGate
'Grey's' Firing Leads To Accusations Of ABC Gaywashing
We noted yesterday yet another shitstorm brewing behind (and in front of) the scenes of ABC's Grey's Anatomy, as a still shell-shocked Brooke Smith told EW.com about her character's abrupt dismissal from the series. She plays Dr. Erica Hahn—who, it's worth noting, replaced Isiah Washington's ejected character as head of cardiothorasic surgery—and who had recently embarked upon a McLesbiany relationship with Callie, played by Sara Ramirez. It began with a sweet kiss, but soon after the writers took it further, with dialogue about exploring "undiscovered country," and at least one postcoital monologue on the joys of ladyfruit harvesting (above). The relationship—what AfterEllen points out is the only depiction of a lesbian couple currently on primetime TV—was developing rapidly. Now Smith has been informed, in the vaguest terms, that her character won't be returning to Seattle Grace after this week's episode. She explains: More »
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By SethComment by el smrtmnky: they're not the only same sex coupling on tv at the moment. Bros&'Hos has Scotty and Kevin, while over on... 4 Responses | Other threads
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breakups
Jesse The Snowboarder Sheds Real Webcam Tears Over 'Bachelorette' Breakup
You've now had several hours to absorb the news that Deanna Pappas and Jesse Csincsak will not spend the rest of eternity together in a state of cross-eyed lovers' bliss—the very thing they pledged to us, the passively interested Bachelorette viewer, during that live broadcast of After the Final Rose. Pappas said in a statement that she "slowly came to realize that we are two totally different people and it wasn't going to work out," but what was Jesse's side of the story? More »
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By SethComment by taraniso: If you're weeping on Extra you got problems. 2 Responses | Other threads
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Their Love Is Dead
'Bachelorette' DeAnna Pappas Calls Off Wedding To Snowboarder Of Her Dreams
We'd only just begun to recover from the news that Lamas Family Acting Dynasty scion Shayne Lamas had ended her arranged marriage to British Bachelor guy—a decision followed by a downward spiral of public bum-flashings and belt-chewing for the young, single actress. Now comes news that yet another of the series's pairings—that of onetime gazebo rejectee turned manhungry shopping-spree winner DeAnna Pappas to snowboard instructor Jesse Csincsak—has come undone: More »
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By SethComment by Old No.7: I hope this doesn't to anything to the credibility of this show. 1 Responses | Other threads
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cloris leachman
ABC's New 'Unleached' to Prolong the Saucy Senior Magic of Cloris Leachman
Digging around our Otherwordly TV Programming inbox this afternoon, we found just the bit of ephemera we'd been praying for: a spot teasing ABC's Unleached, featuring our experimental dance/comedy idol Cloris Leachman's finest outtakes from her abortive journey on Dancing With the Stars. It's all here — the sassy interviews, the heroic training regimens, her heaving bosom, and pretty much everything else preceding her pyrrhic-victory lap on Jimmy Kimmel Live. Alas, when contacted for additional information, an ABC could confirm only that we'd been duped by creative gag-reel editors from the inside. Cruel, and cruelly unfair at that; we'd watch three seasons of Unleached before watching another hour of CBS's entire fall line-up. Are we wrong? [YouTube]
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By STVComment by NotReadyForPrimeTime: The least that ABC could do is fire Samantha Harris from Dancing With The Stars and give her job to... more » | Other threads
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Heeeeeere's Barack!
'Barack Obama Show' Offers First Real Hit Of Fall TV Season
Amber waves of grain, arthritis ointment application, an emotionally distant Sarah Silverman the morning after—The Barack Obama Show really offered something for everyone. And by "everyone" we'd include network heads, as preliminary Nielsen numbers show the 30-minute hope-infusion juiced ratings across the board. Even ABC's struggling Pushing Daisies benefited from a small counter-programming bump, though still only managed to squeak out a meager 2.2. From THR: More » -
barack obama
ABC Cancels 'The Barack Obama Show' For Regularly Scheduled Programming
ABC will remain the lone holdout in the Obama campaign's plans to hijack all of network TV this Wednesday, perhaps solidifying our "Watch TiVo Kill" authors' easiest day yet. To wit — 8 p.m on ABC: Pushing Daisies. 8 p.m. everywhere else: It's the Great Pumpkin, Barack Obama, or whatever the presidential front-runner has up his tailored sleeve less than a week until Election Day. Guess along with us after the jump. More » -
the view
'View' Catfight Of The Century So Much Cuter When 'Extra's Mario Lopez Describes It
We figured the growing on-air hostility between Republican whistle-siren Elisabeth Hasselbeck and the more moderate panelists on The View would eventually erupt into something appropriately spectacular—and it did, with multiple accounts sent to us of a Joy Behar/Elisabeth Hasselbeck backstage Catfight of the Century. Word of the smackdown, full of detonated F-bombs and wishes of co-host conflagration, quickly made the media rounds, such as the clip above from last night's Extra More »
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By SethComment by TenTimesFiltered: What if Molls joins The View and replaces Hasselbeck? Would time collapse on itself? 1 Responses | Other threads
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lindsay lohan
Firecrotch Safety Marshals Deem Lohan Unsafe For 'Betty' Set
Lindsay Lohan has been busily reforging the career she whittled away during her extended stint as the Norte del Valle cartel's number one point-starlet—a plan which began, somewhat inauspiciously, with a six-episode arc on Ugly Betty, playing the title character's childhood menace. Now come reports that Lohan's set antics and an ongoing feud with Ugly star America Ferrera have reduced that number to four, and resulted in at least one unplanned flash of ginger from which the crew has yet to recover. Page Six reports: More »
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By SethComment by Old No.7: It would appear that Vanessa Williams is influencing some of the script development these days. 2 Responses | Other threads
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defamer friday funtime
If TV Titles Told The Truth
Because Friday is traditionally our day for fun times and 1/2 price, 11 a.m. margaritas, we bring you now this gallery of completely inspired "Truthful TV Title Cards," masterfully created by Glark blog. (Seriously! Check out that workmanship on Summer's Assholes 10.) And while we would have loved a version of How I Met Your Mother called Four Forgettable Characters Plus Neil Patrick Harris and a Shameless Laugh Track, beggars can't be choosers, ya know? More »
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By SethComment by TootieFields: People still read Glark after the year 2000? Weird. 2 Responses | Other threads
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