I am not Saturday Night Live’s newest cast member Jon Rudnitsky. But if I were, one thing I would have done upon learning that I had achieved my lifelong dream of being hired by Lorne Michaels was delete the following tweets and Vines.
I would have thought about the times I gave my opinion on what makes a woman a whore. I would have typed the word “whore” into Twitter’s search feature, found those tweets, and then pressed the delete button.
I would have spent some time considering whether I had decided what makes a woman a cunt, and if I had made any weird jokes about gang bangs? At that point, I would have erased those tweets from my Twitter profile.
If I had watched the Oscars and said something homophobic about a make up artist, I would have remedied that problem.
I would have remembered that I created an account on Vine. I would have recalled that I made a video where I was just like, “The whole joke is about Mexicans shooting you.” I would have chosen to remove this video from the internet.
I would have reminded myself that I had visited Las Vegas, and that when I was there I had filmed a topless middle-aged woman who did not give me a boner and then made a face to indicate my disgust with her body. This is another video I would have taken off the world wide web.
In any event, I’m sure that whatever the real Jon Rudnitsky has planned for SNL is very good.
Contact the author at jordan@gawker.com.
