Your most pathetic prayers have finally been answered: CBS announced Wednesday morning that its inexplicably popular Two and a Half Men will end after its next season.
The show will end with a "series-long event," like the finale of How I Met Your Mother that everyone liked so much. "[Showrunner Chuck Lorre] is very psyched about this," said CBS President Nina Tassler, smiling through the pain. "He's got some great ideas and very big surprises." Those big surprises are probably fart jokes.
An episode count has not been announced yet, but it's possible that a midseason reboot of The Odd Couple, starring Matthew Perry, will replace Two and a Half Men when it's finally put out of its misery. Of the uncomfortably drawn-out season-long finale, Tassler said, "We know fans and audiences respond to that and that should really give us a nice boost when we launch our new comedy."