Professional public spectacle Shia LaBeouf was on Jimmy Kimmel Live last night, and pursuant to the celebrity debacle news cycle, he recounted his June night of drunken misbehavior like it was a hilarious anecdote that anyone could relate to. His story of that night involves: The World Cup, drinking, chasing down a homeless marine, more drinking, being invited to see Cabaret, even more drinking, groping a man's ass, more drinks, and spitting on a cop's shoe.

"Yeah, I'm gonna stay away from Broadway for a little bit," he concludes. "No Broadway's not the problem, it's whiskey I think," Kimmel gently suggests. So now we're all good and everything's fine and Shia LaBeouf is totally, absolutely normal and what he did was not batshit it was just funny.