This Week In Tabloids: Britney's Getting Married; Kate's Smacking The Kids

Welcome back to Midweek Madness, in which we learn that Britney's engaged; Kate's a distracted mom and The Hills makes you bulimic.

2:20 PM on Wed Jun 17 2009, by Dodai, 32,924 views, 206 comments
http://jezebel.com/5294096/this-week-in-tabloids-britneys-getting-married-kates-smacking-the-kids

Rehab For Courtenay Semel's 'Exhaustion'

Courtenay Semel is ready to stop lighting her girlfriends' hair on fire, or at least regain access to the trust fund her father, former Yahoo CEO Terry Semel, locked her out of.

6:58 AM on Tue Mar 24 2009, by Ryan Tate, 11,013 views, 19 comments
http://defamer.gawker.com/5181811/rehab-for-courtenay-semels-exhaustion

Hollywood Stars Absolved of Vagina-Kicking, Drugged Driving

Being a celebrity is a double-edged sword: you're often more likely to find yourself involved in ridiculous, well-publicized crime, but at least it's easy to get acquitted!

1:50 PM on Fri Jan 2 2009, by Kyle Buchanan, 2,663 views, 8 comments
http://defamer.gawker.com/5122334/hollywood-stars-absolved-of-vagina+kicking-drugged-driving

The South Boston Mob Gets NBC's 9 P.M. Slot!

With the chance of a frostbite in LA only slightly less likely than Brian Grazer getting his hair relaxed, we pay tribute tonight to one of the great winter cities, Boston, MA. Though the "Athens of America" is known for being somewhat racist,...

8:48 PM on Mon Dec 8 2008, by McCluskey and Miller, 2,357 views, Comment
http://defamer.gawker.com/5104797/the-south-boston-mob-gets-nbcs-9-pm-slot

Heather Locklear Closes Out Terrible Year With Return to Old Hairstyle

It's been a rough 2008 for Heather Locklear, what with the jail, rehab, imaginary 911 calls, and the lingering shame of sex with David Spade (their matchmaking colorist really owes her after that one). "I've been better!" she told Jay Leno last...

3:45 PM on Thu Dec 4 2008, by Kyle Buchanan, 2,887 views, 4 comments
http://defamer.gawker.com/5102064/heather-locklear-closes-out-terrible-year-with-return-to-old-hairstyle

ScarJo Finally Replies To Nasty LiLo Graffiti

Nearly three years ago, Lindsay Lohan scrawled "Scarlett [Johansson] is a bloody cunt" on a bathroom wall at the Dark Room on the Lower East Side. Allure finally asked Johansson about the incident: "I don't know what the motivation was behind...

9:57 AM on Tue Nov 18 2008, by Ryan Tate, 5,448 views, 44 comments
http://gawker.com/5091830/scarjo-finally-replies-to-nasty-lilo-graffiti

Ellen Hoping To Avoid Chris Matthews' Handsy Hardballs

· Uh—we think we just saw Chris Matthews grab two heaping handfuls of Ellen DeGeneres.

9:37 PM on Mon Nov 17 2008, by Seth, 3,191 views, 2 comments
http://defamer.gawker.com/5091564/ellen-hoping-to-avoid-chris-matthews-handsy-hardballs

Sensitive Lothario David Spade Checks Up On Heather Locklear with Texted 'WTF?'

Back when David Spade was dating Heather Locklear, Hollywood tongues wagged endlessly, wondering, "How does he do it?" Eventually, people realized that Spade is one of the great Casanovas of our time, able to woo some of the industry's biggest...

5:45 PM on Mon Oct 6 2008, by Kyle Buchanan, 3,859 views, 6 comments
http://defamer.gawker.com/5059720/sensitive-lothario-david-spade-checks-up-on-heather-locklear-with-texted-wtf

Everyone Randomly Texting Their Exes

Sean Penn kissed a man for a movie, and for some reason sent an excited, rhyming text message to Madonna about it. [Fametastic] David Spade also sent a text message to his ex-girlfriend, Heather Locklear, because he wanted to make sure...

10:07 AM on Mon Oct 6 2008, by Ryan Tate, 1,166 views, 30 comments
http://gawker.com/5059375/everyone-randomly-texting-their-exes