The only thing better than watching the fall TV season's rodeo of failures is getting your hands on failed network pilots—the first episodes of the shows that didn't quite make it to air. Comedian Sarah Silverman just released her failed NBC pilot, Susan 313, and given that this pilot was beat out by a show about a veterinarian and his pet monkey that lasted six episodes should tell you all you need to know about just how abysmal it was.
NBC bought the comedy, written by Silverman, early on in the 2012 development season from Ron Howard's production company Imagine, and 20th Century Fox. The network paid a pretty penny for it in a bidding war that came with a "put pilot" commitment—an extremely hefty fee that sources at NBC tell us was in the neighborhood of $1 million if the network didn't shoot the pilot.
The comedy stars Silverman as a woman who moves back to her apartment and is easing back into single life after being dumped from a 10-year relationship. The usually hilarious Silverman is two octaves higher than normal here, and as she addresses herself via therapy-like interstitials that slow the pilot down, highly unlikable. Even comedy gems June Diane Raphael and Tig Notaro can't save the slow pilot, which also stars our favorite cunt, Harris Wittels, (who has an opening line where truer words have never been spoken: "I'm a nobody").
Silverman released the pilot with 20th's permission on her YouTube network, JASH. While it's worth a watch, please go make yourself a sandwich around the 12:30 mark. Wittels get naked and stays that way for two and a half minutes, and now I no longer have eyes because I had to gouge them out.