It seems like every time you turn around these days, Ryan Reynolds is joking.
This past weekend, Ryan Reynolds posted a photo of himself and his wife Blake Lively photoshopped to look like Justin Timberlake and Britney Spears wearing all-denim outfits on Twitter, as a joke.
The night started exactly as planned. But I take full responsibility for the denim condom. It was a mistake. pic.twitter.com/Uy1hXD34Bb
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) March 15, 2015
Hee haw. My wife (like Borat). Oppa kidding style.
Wouldn't it be funny if..., Ryan thinks to himself daily. The answer is almost always a firm no.
Ryan also joked this weekend that his new baby daughter will "make him pay" if he reveals her name to the media. He told the Associated Press, "That little girl will grow up to be a teenager who will find out that I blurted her name out on national television and probably make me pay for it. She will exact her revenge in searing, psychic pain!"
The joke part of Reynold's joke is that he can't say his baby's name because he's afraid of her. That's a pretty humorous image: a grown man cowering in fear of a small baby. Hollywood has been mining comedy gold from the notion of burly adult males being intimidated by gurgling infants for years, and the vein still has not run dry. But now let's examine the in-joke logic Reynolds applies to reach this hilarious destination: The premise of Reynolds' joke is that a teen would not only care but, in fact, be upset that her name had been spoken aloud on television by her father over a decade earlier.
??? That doesn't make sense. That's not a funny joke.
Has Ryan Reynolds always been prone to this type of showboat-y "funny" unfunny outburst? Maybe—he starred in National Lampoon's Van Wilder and took to the role like a fish to an ice cold pitcher of beer (hilarious). Perhaps Ryan Reynolds goofed off when he was engaged to Alanis Morissette in the mid-aughts, too, but no one could understand him because his jokes were all in Canadian English. Perhaps he only recently purchased the revised third edition of the Jokelopedia.
Whatever the case, his funnies are getting a lot more air time all of a sudden, which is simultaneously the best and worst thing that could possibly happen to Ryan Reynolds' comedy career.
Just look at all the headlines he's gotten recently:
"Ryan Reynolds Jokes He Wants to Name His Baby Excalibur Anaconda or Bruce Jenner"
In October, Ryan told Us Weekly, "On the plane over here I was trying to think of baby names. I don't want a name that's anything pretentious or, like, Hollywoody. So I'm going with Excalibur Anaconda Reynolds...that's if it's a girl. If it's a boy, Bruce Jenner."
"Ryan Reynolds Jokes He's 'Even Tried Breastfeeding'"
Ryan told People in January that since the birth of his daughter, "I gotta jump in and do all those sorts of things. I mean, I've even tried breastfeeding. It's frustrating for the baby and frankly disturbing for me."
"Ryan Reynolds Jokes About Using Wife Blake Lively As A 'Human Shield' To Protect Infant Daughter"
In February, Ryan told David Letterman, "I used to say to [Blake], 'I would take a bullet for you. I could never love anything as much as I love you.' I would say that to my wife. And the second I looked in that baby's eyes, I knew in that exact moment that if we were ever under attack, I would use my wife as a human shield to protect that baby."
"Ryan Reynolds Jokes His Baby Daughter With Blake Lively Is 'Totally Average'"
During an appearance on Live! With Kelly and Michael in February, Ryan said, "Everyone thinks their baby's a genius. People find it delightfully refreshing when I tell them, 'My baby? Totally average. One hundred percent average.'"
"Ryan Reynolds Jokes His Baby Is 'Allergic To Sleep'"
Ryan Reynolds, you are a handsome man who's had a lot of luck in life. The Blake Lively Laugh Test is not an accurate gauge of a joke's widespread comedic appeal—if it was, the number one sitcom in America would just be bubbles. Say your baby's name or don't; we already know it.
Stop fucking joking!