'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through Selena Gomez's parents' house in Texas
Not a creature was stirring, not even Selena Gomez;
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that Cara Delevingne soon would be there;
The Gomezes were nestled all snug in their beds;
While visions of going to the North Park Mall in Dallas the next day danced in their heads;
Selena in her whatever, who knows, maybe a cap,
Had just freed her brain of Justin Bieber, god willing, what does she even see in him, I don't get it, for a long winter's nap,
When out on the sprawling, manicured lawn (I assume) there arose such a clatter,
Selena sprang from her bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window she flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.
She didn't see anything, so she looked at her phone,
Yes—it seemed she was certainly no longer alone,
For what to her wondering eyes did appear,
Cara Delevingne, for reasons that remain unclear,
I get that they're friends, I remember seeing them in St. Tropez,
Where they showered on a yacht for Selena's birthday.
But Christmas? Why? I mean. What?,
TMZ doesn't explain it, not even somewhat.
"Selena ... brought along Cara," says the rag,
"Selena and Cara hit up North Park Mall in Dallas"—brag.
To the top of the escalator! To the top of the mall!
Now shop away! shop away! shop away all!
As leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
The two shopped for bras—what didn't they buy?;
Then on to Nordstrom the buddies they flew
With a bag full of bras, and some other stuff too.
They giggled and shopped and talked and walked,
While all along a gossipy tipster stalked,
As he drew in his head, and was turning around,
Down the pedestrian walkway the ladies came with a bound.
Anyway, enough about the mall, what else can we say,
If only TMZ had given us more, I pray;
Back at the house, Selena introduced Cara,
"Oh, we know her," said her parents, I bet, "The model—she's a star(a)!"
Her eyes—how they twinkled! Her dimples, how merry!
Her cheeks were like roses, her nose like a cherry,
And her eyebrows, don't even get me started,
They're really good eyebrows, not for the fainthearted.
The marijuana cigarette she held tight in her teeth (I assume),
And the smoke, it encircled her head like a wreath;
She had a tiny face and a little flat belly
She shook when he laughed, like a bowl full of jelly.
She was not chubby and plump, she's a model, remember,
She probably has to wear a lot of coats all throughout December;
A wink of her eye and a twist of her head
Soon let Selena know she had nothing to dread,
"Why is she here?", her mother whispered to dad,
"Not that having her around is particularly bad,"
"No, I know what you mean," said Selena's old pop,
"It seems like she just came here to shop?"
Which was weird and almost certainly untrue,
They have malls everywhere—in London, too.
But I heard her exclaim, as she drove out of sight—
"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night!"
[image via Getty]