Somewhere between Girl, Interrupted, and “Girl, I’m gonna have to interrupt you because you’re going on and on and not saying shit,” is By the Sea. In it, Angelina Jolie plays a disturbed woman named Vanessa who can barely muster more than a sentence at time as she vacations in costal France with her novelist husband, Roland (Brad Pitt). Jolie wrote, directed, and produced this portrait of a relationship on the brink of collapse. From anyone else, it would be mystifying as to how something so dull and inept got made by a major studio. From an A-lister, it makes sense. Superstar entitlement—that which comes from within and without—is the only logical explanation for this horrendous movie.
Russell Wilson, the cutting-edge humanoid robot currently starting at quarterback for the Seattle Seahawks, did not have to execute its football protocols over the weekend, so it was shipped to Mexico for routine maintenance at the mansion of Girls Gone Wild bro-chief Joe Francis. Wi15on was accompanied by human girlfriend and pop star Ciara, with whom the quarterback unit is reportedly not-having-sex. Will this machine-man ever learn how to love? DOES. NOT. COMPUTE.
Few communities are more culturally rich than the Queens neighborhood of Jackson Heights, which boasts some 167 spoken languages, a strong LGBT presence, and some of the greatest restaurants in the city. Frederick Wiseman, the 85-year-old director of observational documentaries (whose narratives are never forced with on-camera interviews, but merely suggested through motifs and editing), turned his camera on Jackson Heights for about nine weeks, during the summer of 2014, to capture the neighborhood’s diversity and the looming threat of gentrification.
Last night, Coldplay released their new song “Adventure of a Lifetime.” Let’s all agree that this song is 100 percent about having sex with a young movie actress immediately after your divorce.
Nearly a month ago, Ellen Pompeo unleashed a devastating tweet attack against Daniel Craig—a tweet attack so thoroughly ruinous that not a single celebrity news media outlet was left standing in its wake, each sent shivering to a filthy grave, covered in dirt and shit. Now she’s finally owning up to her outrage.