Never Try To Gang-Bang Sean Penn While He's Holding French Fries Welcome to Hit List Wishlist, where we feature excerpts from some of the best manifestos and tips we've received so far. We still want more — so keep em comin'.

"[I] spent three years working as a paparazzi...At first it was a battle. A rookie is always treated like shit, but in the pap world where each company is run like a gang, newbies are treated worse than dirt. You need to earn your stripes, earn your respect, like prison, the pap world works in clicks and seniority. Especially for a white guy, because in the pap world, white guys have become the minority.

Each agency had its own cultural make up. The Armenians worked Lohan, the Filipinos worked Paris, the English loved the Beckhams, and everyone worked Brittney Spears. I forgot to mention that I started papping right around the time she went off the rails, and there is nothing in the world that compares to a Brittney Spears car chase that ends in a gang bang.

Gang bang is a term paps use to describe a shooting where there are so many paparazzi it is just pure chaos. Just dozens of men, surrounding a woman, and blasting away.

I spent three years working as a paparazzi. There is this one vid of Sean Penn attacking a fellow pap, but you probably have seen that video before. Though I will add this nugget to that video I was told: if you watch as Sean attacks the pap he holds a plastic bag in his hand the whole time. Inside the bag, left over French fries, that’s right Sean Penn kicks ass while holding leftovers."