If I asked you to decide, whose comfort is more important—Jessica Alba’s or Kylie Jenner’s—you might ask, Who the hell cares? But if you’re Kylie Jenner’s bodyguards, you might ask, Who are you, get the hell out of the way, VIP coming through. Which is pretty much what happened to Jessica Alba—a real nobody—according to Kylie Jenner’s bodyguards.
See Alba and Jenner were both apparently at the Opening Ceremony fashion show Sunday night, an elaborate event meant to replenish Getty Images’ collection of celebrities sitting next to other celebrities. And for the most part, everything was fine.
But when all those celebrities stood up to leave, something strange happened—perhaps it was due to the full moon, or the lightheadedness that follows not eating for a week—but all of the sudden, teenage millionaires were shoving thirty-something billionaires in something out of a Page Six fever dream.
“After the show, trying to leave the venue, it was very crowded,” said a source. “Everyone was in the crush and Jessica had stopped briefly to say hi to someone when all of a sudden from behind came Jenner’s bodyguards. They just shoved Jessica out of the way. She just looked astonished!”
And then, you know what? Nothing happened!
But another source added, “Jessica didn’t freak out” over the incident.
She got shoved by a fellow celebrity and didn’t freak out. So is it now fair game to shove Jessica Alba? I’d argue...maybe. Who’s next, Kate Bosworth? Truly, is anyone safe?
Arguably the only real alternative to Jenner inevitably shoving whoever she comes across is for all celebrities to hire bodyguards, and for those bodyguards to then fight one another in some sort of tournament until one celebrity’s bodyguard emerges victorious. Then she—and only she—can leave the venue first. Is it fair? No—richer celebrities can obviously hire more skilled bodyguards. But that’s capitalism baby.