Jennifer Aniston: Is she married? Is she pregnant? Is she a dried up old witch who burns photos of Angelina Jolie to keep warm in her disgusting garbage pit troll house? Or is she rich and talented? Hard to say! Not to worry, though—in a new interview with InStyle, the actor says she'll let you know—yes, you!—about any changes to her personal life.
"Oh, that's a tough one. That should be a Justin question. Wait a sec. How's this? 'When I'm pregnant and married, I will let you know.' Not a tabloid publication. Not Bulls—t Times or Crapass Bulls—t Times Weekly. They will not be telling you," Aniston vows. "And by the way, stop stealing my thunder! Let me have the fun of telling that story."
Stop stealing her thunder! Every time you don't uncheck a box, allowing a company to email you about further deals: Jennifer Aniston's got that info. Every time you let the someone on the street sign you up for something because he was cute: Jennifer Aniston's got that info. Every time you enter your phone number into wheresmycellphone.com? Oh yes, our sweet baby Rachel has got that info, my man. She's got it all and she'll let you know if anything happens.
[image via Getty]