There are three things Man knows to be true about the world:
1) Taylor Swift loooooves brunch
2) Taylor Swift loves gabbing with her pals, even if her pals are not really her pals, but rather workplace acquaintances named Kanye West and Jay Z
3) Death will come to all
And so the universe danced in its natural rhythms at the Grammys this weekend, where Taylor Swift gabbed with Kanye West and Jay Z, ultimately demanding the latter take brunch with her.
To witness this moment on film, skip ahead to 0:25 in the audio-less clip posted below.
"I really want to go to brunch," says Swift. "I really want to go brunch!"
Jay Z smiles at her and nods politely.
"Brunch!" barks Taylor Swift. "Brunch!"
Jay Z continues smiling and nodding.
"BRUNCH!" she declares, with a Tracy Flick nod of the head, then twirls around to pose for a photo with West.
And as Jay Z sits down, the smile vanishes from his face. He knows it was not an invitation. He knows there is a very real possibility in his future that he will have to go to brunch. He feels the hunger pangs at 10 a.m., when he will not be allowed to eat, because they are about to go to brunch. He smells the burger he wanted being delivered to another table—the burger he was not allowed to order because "A burger's not brunch food! You have to get breakfast! Like cool eggs!" even though it's 1 p.m. He sees Taylor Swift's cat-lined blue eyes, boring into his own as from across the table. "I'm so glad we did this," he hears her whisper to his wife. "We have to get brunch more often."
Our condolences to Mr. Z.