If You're In Spain And Tom Cruise Sidles Up To You Wearing a Mask, RunS To help kick off the relaunch of Defamer, we're going to feature excerpts from some of the best manifestos and tips we've received so far. Some are amusing apocryphal stories from dinner parties; some are insider's insider the front lines of what they'd like to see Defamer skewer in the near future. We still want more — so keep em comin'. First up, a very unsurprising story about Tom Cruise.

" [A]t a small dinner party in Malibu, the topic of Tom Cruise's rumored homosexuality came up. Tom Hanks was a guest at the party and proceeded to tell a story about a time when he and Cruise were hanging out in Spain. TC was in Spain while he was shooting Vanilla Sky. I have no idea why Tom Hanks was there. Cruise was very excited about the amazing masks that had been created for the film and was showing them off to Hanks. Cruise went on and on about how lifelike the masks were and that Cruise would wear these masks out and about in Spain and had not been recognized once.

Well, later on Cruise met up with Hanks and they went out to a dance club. Cruise was wearing the mask the whole time and, like Cruise had claimed, no one was the wiser. Well, at one point, Hanks lost Cruise. After almost an hour, Cruise showed back up sweating profusely, hair disheveled. He was ready to go and they left the club. Tom Hanks told those assembled at the dinner party that he had no evidence that Tom Cruise had hooked up at all, let alone with a man, but that something seemed off.

It was at that point that another guest at the party, Sasha Baron Cohen, shouted, "Shut up!" Cohen then went on to explain that he had an old friend, a gay go-go dancer, who had claimed for years that he had gotten a blow job from Tom Cruise in a creepy mask at a dance club in Ibiza. No one, not even Cohen, had believed him all this time. "