On Monday, Michael Bublé, a man beloved by aunts for reasons that I am still not entirely clear on (he plays piano...?), uploaded the above photo of himself smiling like a potato with a sphincter. In the background was a woman with a sumptuous derriere. He captioned it:
There was something about this photo lu took ,that seemed worthy of instagram. #myhumps #babygotback #hungryshorts #onlyinmiami#picoftheday #beautifulbum
Michael Bublé, let's have a chat about how you use Instagram. When you're famous—even mildly so! Are you British? Or?—your Instagram options are almost endless. Puppies? Why not. Photos of you with other famous people? Go for it. Some stranger's bum? Hmmmmm. I don't know. Doesn't seem wise in the long run.
I'm guessing the "lu" in this caption is Michael Bublé's wife Luisana Lopilato, but that's neither here nor there. A team effort to make one Instagram of an unaware stranger is probably a little over the top, but once again, that's neither here nor there.
What matters here is that people seem to care who you are, Michael Bublé, and with over one million Instagram followers, you could wield this power to make you seem cooler, against all odds, instead of drawing attention to a young woman's "#beautifulbum." She has a great bum—leave her out of this. This Instagram account is about you, my man! After all, the handle is @MichaelBuble, not @ASleazeballTakesPhotosOfButts. This is a famous (?) person's Instagram, not a horny teenage creep's subreddit.
I would not call your photo a #picoftheday, Michael. Here are some things you could post that would make me want to return to your Instagram account, perhaps to comment myself with #picoftheday:
- photos of your cute baby
- photos of expensive meals that you eat
- photos of limousines and fancy cars
- a pic of John Legend (if you guys are friends!)
- a photo of hot men shirtless but hopefully not you
- an Instagram vid teasing the likely Spice Girls reunion
- vacation photos, I seriously cannot get enough
For example, this one is pretty good:
I never thought I'd have to teach Michael Bublé, the singer (?), how to use Instagram, but here we are.