On Sunday, I woke up promptly at 1:27 p.m. and decided to go to brunch in my neighborhood (Williamsburg, Brooklyn). Can you guess who was there? The actor Robert Pattinson.
Here is a real picture, in case you don’t believe me [exclusive, must credit Gawker]:
As you can see, Rob was wearing a backwards baseball cap and a white t-shirt. He was also wearing sunglasses—round ones—when he first arrived at Pates et Traditions on Havemeyer St at approximately 2:17 p.m. I ordered a croque madame; he had just one small bottle of rose lemonade. (Perhaps he is dieting for his upcoming nuptials?) Sadly he was not with his fiancé FKA Twigs, unlike last Tuesday night when he dined next door to the Gawker office, taunting me.
Having lived in Williamsburg for the last two years, I’ve seen celebrities hobbling around Bedford Ave before—Zoë Kravitz; Dan from Gossip Girl; Jemima Kirke’s sister who’s a doula—but this was my first A-list sighting. When Rob approached the host, I looked at him and said out loud, “It’s Robert Pattinson!” He did not respond in words, but he did smile, like that moment in Twilight when he sees his half-vampire baby for the first time.
How did Robert Pattinson (movie star) and I (hungover) end up at the same brunch spot? Ruling out the possibility that he was looking for me, I have a theory. If you are in Williamsburg and search “brunch” on the Yelp app, Pates et Traditions comes up as the highest-rated choice.
I’m not saying Robert Pattinson—a Brit who is perhaps unfamiliar with Brooklyn—cruises Yelp for brunch recommendations, but it’s something to consider. Rob, unsure of where he is and hungry for flower water, looks down at his phone and types in “brunch.” Why not?
Also, about his phone: It is an iPhone 4. Maybe a 4s. My boyfriend, who was there cockblocking me the whole time, confirms: “The phone was definitely from the 4 family.”
Why does Robert Pattinson carry around this—no offense—janky POS phone? Maybe he is worried about someone stealing it. Or maybe, international roaming fees being what they are, it is just a burner for when he spends time stateside. Or maybe he’s just that cool. He did not offer me an explanation.
Anyway, Rob: text me! I’m away next weekend, but we should totally do this again. Maybe at Juliette? You will love. Okay baaaaiii.