Listen, it's fine. Life is full of little errors, poor judgement calls, and mistakes. When you're older you're going to look back on stealing the Fault in Our Stars bench—if you did it!—and think, "What was I so worried about?" Right? "I was so young!" Hmm? "Why didn't I come forward and tell the city of Amsterdam where I hid that bench from that movie right away?"
According to the AP, the bench was stolen at least a month ago, and I will say that you did an exceptional job covering up your theft:
The green bench that used to sit on the Leidsdegracht resembles hundreds of others around the city, and its absence went unnoticed for at least a month - probably because someone placed a large flower pot on the spot.
And the fact that there were so many other suspects? Not bad!
Suspects in the disappearance include the city itself, which may have simply taken the old bench away for repairs, as well as neighbors unhappy with extra tourist traffic, vandals or even fans wanting to own a small piece of film history.
But the fact is that you took it, and the city is embarrassed:
"It's a bit embarrassing, because we do keep good track of them, but it's gone all right," said city spokesman Stephan van der Hoek.
So, please. Do us all a favor and return the Fault in Our Stars bench. OK? We're covering our eyes. We won't even know who took it! Just place the Fault in Our Stars bench back where it belongs—so children can sit on it and pretend they are dying—and everything will be fine.
[Image via 20th Century Fox]