How to Get Kicked Out of Chateau Marmont Without Drugs: A LiveblogS

This hotel, nestled away on a steep hill in West Hollywood, is known for the excess of both its ghosts and living guests. But did you know how exceptional the staff is here? Truly. They are doting and accommodating throughout all stations, effortlessly pleasant to all ye who enter here, celebrity or poseur; wealthy European tourist or lifelong Angelenos.

I was vaguely aware of its very strict policies about protecting the privacy of its celebrity guests: no photos, or Tweeting, or stalking or gawking at the many recognizable faces you'll see at some part of the hotel, eventually. It's a good policy, both for commerce and humanity. Last night, during a lovely early dinner in the courtyard with friends and associates, that policy was purposely tested then breached during the live blog.

After signing for the bill to cottage 83 (thank you, Ray Donovan), our extremely competent waiter, Peter, informed me that the front desk had a message they needed to deliver to me. As I walked through the courtyard I was intercepted by another gentleman (Tony, the front desk manager, I believe) who offered a firm handshake, a calm demeanor and a sealed envelope with my last name printed on the front. He thanked me for my patronage and said that there was a complimentary bottle of wine waiting for me in my cottage (a chilled Domaine Tempier Bandol, 2012). Inside the envelope, was a letter, typed up on Chateau Marmont stationery, June 27, 2013, which stated the following:

Dear Mr. Daulerio,

It is a pleasure to have you here at the Chateau! As an avid fan of Defamer and the extended Gawker family, congratulations on powering up the reboot.

I saw from your post yesterday that you had an uninvited guest in your room. Please accept my most sincere apologies for the intrusion, and know that you can always call the front desk at any time to have my staff remove high, unwanted guests, aviary or otherwise. Moreover, I would be happy to have my staff show you options of rooms in the main building if you would like to move to a suite where animals are less likely to gain access.

I am also reaching out to you as I read about your plan to live blog from the restaurant tonight. As much as I am enthusiastic about your cause against "infantile degeneracy of adderalled junior execs" (I personally would add senior execs, agents, managers, actors and actresses to that list as well), I unfortunately have to inform you that we have a strict policy forbidding such an action.

Our hotel's success has been about doing everything we can to protect the privacy of our guests, so we ask that you please respect our rule forbidding unauthorized photography, video, or internet posts about our guests while in house. The best part about my job is that this hotel attracts clever and fun people like yourself - I would hate to have to ask you to leave as a result of this policy being crossed.

I hope you enjoy the rest of your stay and find some great acolytes for the new Defamer. And for the record, we are totally okay with "toe-slurping," as long as it doesn't involve Mr. Tarantino.

Warm Regards,


Philip Pavel
Managing Director

Chateau Marmont Hotel
Bar Marmont

I was charmed by both the swiftness and wit of this warning, but also knowing full-well that it had perhaps come too late in the evening, since our live-blog, gamely executed by one of our Defamer applicants, was already published by that point. I went back to my cottage, opened the door and found the chilled wine, another business card and newly lit candles in the bedroom. I also would not have been surprised to see Sean Penn appear from the kitchen with 50 or so guests to wish me happy birthday, even though mine's not until March.

At this point, I have yet to be asked to leave but if it does come to that, I fully understand why and would bear no ill will against the hotel's management for making that decision. In fact, I would go as far to say that Phillip Pavel is one of the most qualified candidates for the job, should he be interested.

Until then, enjoy this letter and, by all means, if you have the opportunity to spend any significant time at this magical place just do it. It's worth the expense.

How to Get Kicked Out of Chateau Marmont Without Drugs: A LiveblogS

Update, 9:42 PST.:

Getting breakfast in properly before the inevitable. pic.twitter.com/IhnRiVQuIL

— A.J. Daulerio (@AJDaulerio) June 28, 2013

Update, 9:43 a.m. PST: $253 breakfast.

Update, 10:32 a.m. PST: Six more mimosas.

How to Get Kicked Out of Chateau Marmont Without Drugs: A LiveblogS

Update, 10:34 a.m. PST: Two croissants just arrived. Spring Breakers is fabulous btw.
How to Get Kicked Out of Chateau Marmont Without Drugs: A LiveblogS
Update, 12:42 p.m. PST: Maid will check behind icebox for dead bird. Bird was named Jojo. Pour one out.