· Mel Speaks: In Part One, we learn of his affection for water fountains and deep-seated hatred of toasters. In Part Two, we learn that the Jews really had it coming.
· Keanu Reeves wouldn't have eaten the fly.
· Dr. McChokey a distant last place on Grey's Anatomy's McHunky charts.
· Angelina Jolie's blackface-lite in A Mighty Heart a mighty stupid idea.
· Even God himself couldn't get in the whole Noah thing for under $200 mil. What made Universal thing they could get away with less on Evan Almighty?
· "Am I pregnant? Yeah, here's my baby—it looks a lot like my outstretched middle finger, but it's my baby, you just gotta trust me on this one."
· The Bride of Reidenstein shows up sloshed at the wrong wedding.
· Anna Nicole Smith's Bahamian lawyer quits.
· Tom Cruise's headlights are on, and these suckers can cut glass.
· All the money in the world can't seem to find poor little rich girl Paris Hilton some decent weed that isn't full of twigs and seeds.
· Now that we've seen K-Fed's acting debut on CSI, we are relieved to report that the man has no talent. In any form. Whatsoever.
· We wish someone would crash a small plane into Trump. Not the tower. The guy.
· Madonna gets what she thinks she wants.
· A Week of Plushie Bait: Tickle Me Porno. Big Bird asks to "watch your teeth." Disney Frog Orgy.

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