By Seth, 10:15 PM on Fri Apr 7 2006, 112 views (Edit, to draft, Top, Slurp)

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· Fake PregnancyWatch: Tom tells the Germans he's ready to fly home the second he gets word that Katie's air-stopper has been unplugged. He tells Parade how rough he had it as a kid. Katie bites the binky, but not before carting around her beachball for a day of stationery shopping.
· The Pellicanist: Director John McTiernan is charged with lying to the feds about his involvement with Pellicano. Sumner Redstone stands behind his boy Grey, for now.
· Ratnerweek: Playing svengali to Lindsay Lohan. Causing catfights between Lindsay and Jessica Simpson.
· Sure, eight inches is nice. But it's the Drakkar Noir that seals the deal.
· WE HEAR....THAT Page Six is up shit's creek without a paddle.
· Lorenzo Lamas puts the swinger in Swingers.
· Kiefer Sutherland has a serious fleur de sel problem.
· The United 93 trailer lets you relive the worst day of your life with a bucket of $8 popcorn in your lap.
· Maybe our math's off, but that would have made her 17 when they started dating. Right, Chad?
· Hugh Hefner feels just awful about sticking Jessica Alba on a cover and selling a bunch of magazines.
· Paramount develops a new system to help sort their master race employees from CBS' rodent-bloods.
· Cameron Diaz's breasts see justice.
· James Bond challenging LeChiffre to a winner-takes-all round of Uno just doesn't have the same ring to it.
· Nothing will prepare you for the first time you get a Paris Hilton song stuck in your head.