By Seth, 10:00 PM on Fri Apr 6 2007, 4,106 views (Edit, to draft, Top, Slurp)

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· Hollywood sucks up to Halle as she sucks up to the sidewalk.
· Bringer of yuletide and shower peephole joy to millions, A Christmas Story and Porky's director Bob Clark, is killed with his son by a drunk driver.
· Geffen rules the Gays!
· Captivity's hidden victims: the producers.
· Jeffrey Katzenberg's salary is in the low single digits.
· World's longest drumroll precedes opening of Dannielynn DNA results.
· Keith Richards was just kidding when he said he was suffering from daddy-dick. Disney, meanwhile, takes necessary precautions to ensure he doesn't come within 1000 meters of the Pirates red carpet.
· Angelina Jolie will rue the day she ever uttered the words, "Give the baby photo exclusive to People again. They did such a lovely job last time around."
· Two words: Singing Bee. Bingo!
· Britney's WMA team trying figure out what the hell to do with her.
· 30 Rock gets another year to find its audience.
· Hollywood baby humps set unrealistic standards for rest of breeding America.
· Joe Francis is ordered into a Florida jail, politely declines.
· Rock'n Piv'n.
· "Cavemen is a suprisingly astute race analogy," says guy responsible for greenlighting it.
· Katie's in the driver's seat. Or so it would seem.