· The Chosen One arrives , and the healing begins.
· Jennifer Aniston reacts to the news as if she's eaten bad shellfish, then delights no one with her latest big screen effort.
· The Week in Ratner: Courtney Love squawks to his defense. The fans share their thoughts. He mourns his fallen idols. He delights in beef with broccoli.
· You'll have to pry the $17 out of Eva Longoria's cold, famous hands if you expect her to cover that bar tab.
· The Doubtfire Code is broken, and David Hasselhoff and Robert Evans fanatics cry blasphemy.
· Michelle Rodriguez pays her debt to society, which is just slightly longer than the running time of King Kong.
· Superman Returns' opening weekend is now a week long, which Warner Bros. is hoping has a less fruity ring to it than "three-day, holiday weekend."
· Life after Britney: K-Fed beefs up his headshots with some more "marketable looks," and sells his most cherished anecdotes to the highest bidder.
· Ashton and Demi always remember to pack their own velvet rope.
· Denise Richards' witness list grows by 5000.
· "Look into my eyes...You are getting very, very sleepy... No, you may not do a bump now..."
· Why was Barack Obama at CAA? Probably because he works there. (And he isn't Barack Obama.)

Contact information for this author is not available.