By Seth, 7:44 PM on Fri Sep 1 2006, 113 views (Edit, to draft, Top, Slurp)

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· The Emmy Awards: Our recap. Conan O'Brien proves the old adage that tragedy + not enough time = controversy. A cleavage quiz. Jeremy Piven's latest hand-candy. It's a cash bar, but no problem—Paula Abdul's loaded.
· Cruise, Post Paramount: Redskins/Six Flags owner Daniel Snyder comes to the financial rescue, and "amusement park money" enters the popular lexicon, replacing the long outmoded "peanuts." Meanwhile, we offer some thoughts for how to spruce up the new office.
· Matt LeBlanc's lapdance tormentor sues him for having done nothing of the kind.
· Les Moonves is not playing nicely with Tom Freston.
· Who says romance is dead? Hilary Swank could very well end up providing John Campisi with many delicious babies.
· Vanity Fair is guarding her picture with their lives, but Suri's gilded poop steals their thunder with its impressive debut.
· Fly the extra-friendly skies with Captain John Travolta.
· Donald Trump cans Carolyn, and the show, robbed of her incredulous faux-smiles and condescending eye-rolls, never recovers.
· Watch for the 12-year-old goulash delivery boy sequence. Hot.
· Ben Affleck would like you to focus on the man in the red suit, not the man in the sweatsuit.