By Seth, 9:25 PM on Fri Jan 27 2006, 494 views (Edit, to draft, Top, Slurp)

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· Time Warner and CBS Corp. announce a merging of UPN and The WB into one network: The CW. The internal memos fly: from Warner Bros. CEO Barry Meyer, from exiting WB chairman Garth Ancier, and of course, the one that started it all, from Les Moonves. And yes, you're stuck with the name. Only we didn't say positively.
· Disney finally mounts Pixar. Scratch that. It's the other way around. Meanwhile, Disney's basement sweatshop of knockoff artists nervously await their fates.
· Farewell, Revolution. You will be sorely Ooh, look! Sundance coverage!
· Our Man in Sundance: He lands. He Crispins. He eavesdrops. He reviews. He Van Der Beeks! He gets paranoid. He Noltes. He deviates. He Gores! He returns.
· Sadly, however, he misses this hot tub party.
· Goodbye, Madonna's ex-brother in law.
· Heather Graham can't be happy that her splashy TV comeback lasted all of 60 minutes. Will this mean the newspaper insert magazines won't be a-callin' anymore?
· "Exits are to the rear of the plane, and, oh, Kenny Chesney is an animal who enjoyed taking me from behind, and let's just say I wasn't too nervous about getting pregnant, if you catch my drift. Now relax and enjoy the flight."
· No one can seem to agree on the sex, but at least we know what the name will be. And that its mother will be using her pillowy lips to ease the world's suffering.
· Will Steven Soderbergh's audacious plan for Bubble revolutionize Hollywood? And more importantly, what's up with the creepy doll heads?
· Rejoice, CBS scum! You can have your precious DVD discount.
· Defamer employment: Girls Gone Wild is looking for an office coordinator. While The Pink Panther is looking for the next Jocelyn Wildenstein.
· Did the paparazzi come to Britney's rescue? And who will come to her father's?
· Those wings never had a chance when Kiefer opened a can of karate whoop ass all over them! (Or was that just hot sauce?)
· NBC Universal makes dreary office questionnaires fun through creative, branded role playing!