Any exhausting, hours-long orgy is bound to have unexpected moments of transcendence punctuating its otherwise mechanical, fill-every-hole excess, when the right body part finds its way into the perfect orifice, momentarily elevating the entire enterprise into something far greater than the sum of its hopelessly entangled, blindly thrusting parts. Last night's American Idol finale generated its indelible moment in the waning seconds of its two-hour talent show of the damned, when cameras caught former Baywatch icon and pop-star-in-his-own-right David Hasselhoff misting up as silver-maned, low-grade seizure sufferer Taylor Hicks was finally named this season's champion, spilling the unselfconscious tears of one who realizes he's witnessing the birth of another music career that will only be properly appreciated in Germany.

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