Star magazine is reporting—in a Britney's Baby Skull Fracture Exclusive!—that the real reason for the Child and Family Services field trip to the Spears residence on Saturday had nothing to do with The Unsecured Drivers-Side Baby Incident, but was to follow-up on a child-abuse claim filed after the family visited to the hospital after the toddler tumbled from a high chair* and suffered a "scalp fracture." But the Sheriff's Department has already told TMZ.com that the investigation is closed, perhaps sparing us a wave of catch-up cover stories from the other glossies offering the opinions of Celebrity Baby Elevated Seating Experts opining on how such an accident could transpire in the Spears household.

[* When we wrote earlier that Spears and Federline duct-taped the baby to a high-chair to demonstrate the safety of their home to the investigators, we thought we were making a suitably absurd joke, not offering prescient parenting advice. Please send all donations of rolls of duct-tape and baby-sized helmets to the Spears family in care of their rep, Leslie Sloane Zelnick.]

• EXCLUSIVE: BABY SEAN FALLS & FRACTURES HIS SKULL, BRITNEY IN TEARS [Star]
• Child Services Sent to Britney's House [TMZ.com]

Contact information for this author is not available.