By Mark, 11:30 PM on Tue Aug 15 2006, 273 views (Edit, to draft, Top, Slurp)

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David Copperfield claims that he's found the Fountain of Youth in the Bahamas, meaning that not even the normal human birth-death cycle can now free us from an eternity of TV specials centered around lame illusions involving the "disappearance" of various landmarks. Just don't let anyone tell David Blaine, OK? Nobody wants to see how long he can hold his breath while submerged in that shit.
There is perhaps no better footwear for kicking your friends in the balls than Converse's new Jackass model sneaker Unless you're trying to sterilize your buddies, in which case some steel-toed Timberlands will do a pretty nice job.
The Daily Gut makes the bold prediction that by December, Ashlee Simpson will have had enough plastic surgery to finally release the inner camel she's been trying to free for years.
Maybe Paris Hilton's vagina is only going for $10 on eBay because she announced she's not going to use it for a year.