Short Ends: Martha Stewart Will Not Bite The Doily

· Martha Stewart is callously ignoring our generously offered Apprentice dismissal catchphrase, "Bite the doily," in favor of the unfathomably less catchy "You just don't fit in."
· Anchorwomen, please don't forget that this is a very stressful time for your co-workers in the weather department. They don't need your sass right now.
· The cops are nickel-and-diming Jennifer Aniston's cheapskate stalker: "'The petty theft charge is a result of him taking a cab and stiffing the cab driver,' Los Angeles County District Attorney's spokeswoman Jane Robison said. 'He took a cab from Santa Barbara to Malibu and then didn't pay.'"
· Teaching kids to respect copyrights has never been so much fun! "(kid with blue, deformed, football-shaped head) a pirate is what we call someone who steals stuff online, including songs... pirates nowadays don't have to look like pirates, it's just what we call people who steal stuff online. Let's go ask Cookie what to do, come on!"
· The Arnold Schwarzenegger Museum in Graz, Austria, is closing its doors. We hope that his original set of steroid-shriveled testes can find a temporary home until they can one day occupy a permanent place of honor in his presidential library.

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