Unlike with Sarah Palin's emails, there's not really a public-spirited reason to post the screenshots the hackers took, except, of course, pure voyeurism. The detail-by-detail, appointment-by-appointment depiction of the lifestyle of a rich and famous actress is all engrossing stuff for the masses (and for us). And yet it feels oddly unsatisfying — the same drip, drip, drip of minutiae that the Internet famous overshare on blogs and Twitter.

Screenshots of the shayek@mac.com email account, released by habitués of the online bulletin board 4chan, appear to be authentic. Breaking into the account was a simple matter of knowing Hayek's birthday — September 2 — and guessing at her security word (they claim it was the name of her best known movie role) to reset the account's password. Public-records searches show that the 323-area-code phone number Hayek listed in a sent email belongs to the actress. A spokeswoman for Hayek has not returned a call requesting comment.

The glimpses into Hayek's life revealed by her inbox are fascinating, even if mundane: The stranger-suckling actress has been invited to America Ferreira's 25th birthday party. She downloads a bunch of iPhone applications from the iTunes App Store — and she gets spam from Apple, just like the rest of us. As for the perks of being famous, a driver was scheduled to meet her flight arriving in Abu Dhabi. American Express has given her a new Gold card. (What, she doesn't rate the exclusive black Centurion Card?) Balenciaga and Stella McCartney deliver designer clothes to her apartment. She schedules "Japanese face massages." And she gets scans of stories about her in the celebrity weeklies.

• "Yes, her big, enormous coattails!" Joop shrieked. Then he snatched a hoop and stick away from some German schoolchildren, pointed and laughed at an Asian baby wearing a hat, jumped into his teeny-tiny car and sped off into the Black Forest, where he lives in a crumbling candy house. [P6]
• Apparently Sarah Jessica Parker got Anna Wintour to crack a smile at Fashion Week. They were at the Alexander Wang show. So... you know. Or, SJP ran around the tent faster and faster, while Russian circus music blared fuzzily on the speakers overhead. [Gatecrasher]
• Lily Allen likes drugs and likes to talk about them, especially in regard to your children and whether or not they should do them: "Parents should say, ‘Drugs might seem fun, but they do funny things to your brain. Some people react to it good, some don't. Try it and see what you think,'" she told a Dutch magazine recently. Which is actually sound advice, except you might inadvertently be telling your child to do heroin. Which, last time I checked, not many people had reacted "good" to. [Gatecrasher]
• Chris Brown says he is sorry for maybe hitting his girlfriend Rihanna, and that he is seeking the counsel of his pastor and mother. We'd suggest he seek the counsel of, you know, counsel. [Sun]
• On Valentine's Day, Britney Spears drove around town in her Mini Cooper convertible, an unidentified man seated next to her. When asked who he was, Spears responded "Oh you could see him too?? Oh, phew. OK. No, no. It's nothing. I just... I was just worried it was happening again." [Sun]
• British singer Duffy spent Valentine's Day exactly like you did. Wearing a pink wig, surrounded by a bunch of gay dudes. [Mirror]
• Salma Hayek married a French tycoon in Paris over the weekend. Insiders at the ceremony say that the priest had Hayek say her vows over a few times, trying to get her to be "a little less wooden" each time. [Us]

In Africa with Diane Sawyer for Nightline, Hayek met a one-year-old who'd been born on the same day as her own daughter Valentina and was so moved by the coincidental bond that she popped out a breast and offered it to the grateful, suckling child. Adults who were born on the same day as Valentina will probably not be as lucky. (Also: Hey, Salma Hayek actually does speak English in a clear and natural manner! If only she could take a tip from real-life Salma's diction instead of hopelessly enunciating her 30 Rock dialogue as though she were a Grammy-addled Whitney Houston.)

• Salma Hayek Breastfed An African Baby On Nightline [Videogum]

As near as we can tell, it's because of a lazy media that takes its story cues from Perez Hilton, of all people. The gossip frequently attacks celebrities for smoking—most notably, Katherine Heigl, and most recently, Salma Hayek. In fact, it's the latter instance that appeared to inspire the Daily News article, which goes on to boldly note that all sorts of celebrities light up:

Teen idol (and frequent smoker) The Hills star Lauren Conrad never appears on her hit reality show with a cigarette - and goes to great lengths to abstain from puffing in public. "She avoids it," says [X-17 owner Frank] Navarre.

Onetime closet smoker Britney Spears now openly flaunts her Marlboro Lights, while Anne Hathaway just admitted she was a smoker for years - before she quit this summer.

And new mom Ashlee Simpson-Wentz was a top-secret smoker who went to great lengths to hide her habit before she became pregnant, even ducking behind a pal when one of our reporters caught her in the act last year.

Much like Perez, the Daily News is weirdly focused only on actresses who smoke, not actors. Surely, they would be able to find just as many male celebrities that light up—and why? Because (in news that may shock anyone who has never set foot in Hollywood or been in a high school drama club), actors smoke. All of them. Yep, even him. And her! In fact, that's probably the least of their vices (we've also heard that they fornicate!).

Don't get us wrong: smoking is grody, and you shouldn't do it. Hell, we have a grandma who died of lung cancer, and that sucks! But why should we care that Katherine Heigl (in particular) lights up? Why is it that if we mention running into Heigl on the street in Los Feliz, a friend will inevitably ask, "Was she smoking?" Yes, she was smoking. She is an actress.

At least the Daily News kind of eventually admits to this reality, in the form of this final quote from X17's Navarre:

"A lot of celebrities smoke - a lot," he said. "Young Hollywood is still a big smoker. The [anti-smoking] campaign has no effect on them."

Yes, no duh. They're also doing cocaine at the wrap parties for their Disney channel television shows. Is this news?

[Photo Credit: X17]

• Gotcha! Salma Hayek, more star smokers try to hide the habit [NY Daily News]

After the jump: Salma Hayek storms Fox, Jeff Zucker reassures nobody, Earl's preem crashes.

· Completely over the success of Ugly Betty, executive producer Salma Hayek's budding media empire will next overtake Fox with the multiethnic family comedy The New McToms. [THR]
· At an exec powwow in London on Thursday, noted NBCU economist Jeff Zucker insisted that his network's value to GE "only increases if there is less coming from the financial divisions." And the Olympics? "We measure success in ways that are far greater than the bottom line." Indeed, this man has all the answers. [THR]
· And not to pile on, but last night's My Name is Earl and ER premieres were down 29% and 20%, respectively, from last year's bows. But that's OK — maybe NBC doesn't measure success that way, either. [The Live Feed]
· Director Gary Fleder has reupped with ABC to helm every episode of every ABC series produced through the end of time. Or television, whichever comes first. [Variety]

In today's installment: Paula Abdul, Courtney Love, Diane Keaton, Salma Hayek, Jason Schwartzman, Forest Whitaker, Elliott Gould, Mischa Barton, Craig Ferguson, Seth Green, Luke Perry, William Peterson, Michael C. Hall, Peter Krause, Maria Sharapova, Robin Tunney, Craig Bierko, Ian Ziering, Rodger Lodge, Max Martini and John Calipari and more.

SATURDAY, JULY 5
· A strange duo at the LAX Luftansa business class counter around noon: Six Feet Under's PETER KRAUSE (and son, I presume) with The Unit's MAX MARTINI (again, with son). Both looking quite virile.

WEDNESDAY, JULY 23
· Tennis Darling/Nikon shiller MARIA SHARAPOVA shopping at the Anthropologie in El Seguendo Plaza. She was rummaging through racks and stacks like everyone else (Stars! There just like us.)

SATURDAY, JULY 18
· Saturday night at Bar Marmont, I saw my future ex-husband, MICHAEL C. HALL, of Dexter fame. He seemed shy, but very polite.

MONDAY, JULY 21
· DIANE KEATON, hand-in-hand with her adorable young son (looked 7 or 8), walking him in to day-camp at the Ocean Institute in Dana Point. Amidst the sun-aged, OC wanna-be MILFs, Diane looked sophisticated and straight out of Annie Hall in long sleeves, dress slacks, blazer, scarf, and felt hat.

TUESDAY, JULY 22
· I JACK STEHLIN (DEA Roy Till on Weeds, thx IMDB) at the Whole Foods on Barrington and National. He was helping two cute little girls (his daughters?) at the salad bar. He has very very blue eyes. Later, out in the parking lot, I saw ELLIOTT GOULD pulling into a parking space. Looks exactly like Elliott Gould pulling into a parking space.

THURSDAY, JULY 24
· I went to LAX last Thursday and saw WILLIAM H. PETERSON, dressed head to toe in black, including some sort of black baseball Castro-styled hat, and oddly because it was very warm, a dark scarf. He was so "incognito" it was hard to miss him. Of course no one noticed him anyway. I will say he greeted his driver very warmly - which was saved me from really being annoyed with his trying-so-hard-not-to-be-seen-that-of-course-you notice-him 'tude.
· 3:30 p.m.: RODGER LODGE, of Blind Date and sports talk radio fame, chatting with his wife while pushing a double stroller through the MGM Grand in Las Vegas. Unshaven and dressed for the pool, but still quite manorexic and brow-waxed. Two kids under 4 years old scampering about and being loud. An animated thought bubble appeared over his head: "How did I get here? My God, what have I done?"
· Saw Memphis basketball coach JOHN CALIPARI talking on his mobile phone in front of the InterContinental Hotel in Century City this morning...Had a terrible tick and was mumbling something along the lines of "Guard Chalmers! Guard Chalmers!" No sight of Memphis Tiger bandwagoner Justin Timberlake.
· LUKE PERRY at El Toro Cantina on the Miracle Mile. With a pretty, skinny brunette, both totally into each other. Was disappointed to see he was wearing sweatpants, once he stood up to leave. He still looks amazing, not gonna lie.

FRIDAY, JULY 25
· Spotted SALMA HAYEK at the ArcLight looking terrific — didn't she just have a baby? She was with what looked like her girl posse ... did not see what movie they went to, but wanted to cheer girlfriend on for breaking the engagement to Francois-Henri Pinault.
· This is the type of star sighting that urban myths are made of. I saw COURTNEY LOVE, America's Sweetheart of babble-blogging used-to-be-rock stardom, shopping for paints in Cox Paints in Santa Monica. From behind a turnstile of Benjamin Moore samples came the raspy strains of a woman on the edge...the edge of re-painting the inside of her Malibu home with a cacophony of kaleidescopic colors in various finishes. The most important was finding a red that had to match something of the red glitter variety. Oh Courtney...you are bat s**t kooky crazy and skinny as an adolescent whippet which is exactly what I look for in a celebrity.
· 11:30 a.m.: CRAIG FERGUSON, CBS' wildly underappreciated and underpromoted late-night host, hunkering down in a corner of the Starbucks in the middle of the MGM Grand in Vegas. Wearing a black T-shirt and big, thick sunglasses while talking to a hot, age-appropriate blonde and being quite charming to people who recognized him. He's gonna grind Jimmy Fallon into haggis after NBC commits Lorne-assisted suicide next year.
· This morning at 10:00 am I ran into CRAIG BIERKO at the Beverly/Detroit Starbuck's. If I ever get a TV gig, I have to have his DP and makeup crew. For this lucky guy, the camera subtracts 10 pounds.

SATURDAY, JULY 26
· ROBIN TUNNEY at Dan Tana's for a birthday party with Heidi Klum's ex-husband Ric Pipino. Hairdressers get all the hot girls!
· I was coming out of The Dark Knight at Arclight and my friends and I saw one paparazzo take a picture of someone on our way to the parking garage. We had no idea who it was and kept walking to the elevators, when we got a closer look and saw it was MISCHA BARTON. She didn't look as emaciated as one would expect and was with a normal-looking guy who was about her height, maybe a little shorter. The guy seems to be an upgrade from her past men - he looked like he showered.
· IAN ZIERING is training a (his?) very well behaved shaggy dog by Cafe Primo on The Strip.
· Saw PAULA ABDUL at the Borders on Ventura in Sherman Oaks. She had a handful of books in one hand (Three Cups of Tea was the only one I could see the title of) and a coffee in the other. She was looking at the travel books and seemed alone. Planning a vacay maybe. Sundress, ponytail, pretty.
· Spotted SETH GREEN last night at a friend's Comic Con after party. Way shorter than expected and seemed to be unable to enjoy himself for fear that he would be recognized. Honestly, the whole place knew he was there and no one was bugging the guy. Ignored a friend who tried to strike up a friendly conversation with him outside the party. Acted like he was busy on the phone instead. Overall impression, lame.

SUNDAY, JULY 27
· Heidi Klum's current hubby SEAL at the Coffee Shop, downstairs at the BHH. Also spotted, real estate reality TV stars JOHN BERSCHI and KURT RAPPAPORT. JACK OSBOURNE also poked his head in, but wouldn't wait for a stool.

TUESDAY, JULY 29
· FORREST WHITAKER indulging some fans outside ONE Sunset. Not as big as I thought he'd be.

WEDNESDAY, JULY 30
· I spotted JASON SCHWARTZMAN in the Staples on Sunset. He wasn’t holding any office supplies, but he did look like a man on a mission. Very handsome, although much smaller than I would have expected.

1. Land O Lakes Indian Maiden

The company explains: "Because the regions of Minnesota and Wisconsin were the legendary land of Hiawatha and Minnehaha, the idea of an Indian maiden took form." This is a whitewashed way of describing how they hijacked the image of indigenous people to sell dairy products, but whatever. The first painting was done in 1928; it was "modernized" in 1939 to look the way it does now. As a kid, I honestly thought that this was my mom until I realized it was Cher.

Hollywood Casting: Q'orianka Kilcher

2. Mrs. Butterworth


This woman was not always made of plastic. She used to be real glass. She had a bun and she was heavy and sweet and you respected her, because she didn't need (the noticeably absent) Mr. Butterworth to get the job done.

Hollywood Casting: Queen Latifah

3. SunMaid


The young woman on the raisin box has evolved since 1916. She's lost about 20 lbs., but she still has the red bonnet and the basket of grapes. And she still smiles.

Hollywood Casting: Minnie Driver

4. Aunt Jemima




Advertising gimmicks are not always politically correct. The pancake icon was based on a blackface "mammy" character; but R.T. Davis Milling Company hired a woman named Nancy Green to play Aunt Jemima from 1890 to 1923. She was paid, but the ads were disgustingly racist. (Try finding a syrup that is not oppressive! Even Log Cabin gives me pause.) In 1989, Aunt Jemima lost her kerchief, got a relaxer, some pearl earrings and a slimmer look. She kind of resembles Roxie Roker now. But who is woman enough to take on the challenge of playing a controversial character?

Hollywood Casting: Angela Bassett

5. Utz Girl




The rosy-cheeked chick has been around since 1921, though she's had some anti-aging procedure and seems much younger now. Her huge eyes and happy smile let you know her potato chips are damn good.

Hollywood Casting: Christina Ricci

6. Little Miss Sunbeam


This blond-haired blue-eyed little girl was on the table before wheat and oats crept into our sandwich bread. Little Miss Sunbeam was born in the 1940s, and she seems part Shirley Temple, part Doris Day and part Buffy and Jody from Family Affair. Or Cindy Brady. An "American Girl" full of "sunshine"…

Hollywood Casting: Abigail Breslin

7. Morton Salt Girl


When it rains it pours, whatever that means. The first umbrella girl appeared in 1914, looking like a toddler; she's grown up some since then. The angled haircut and the umbrella make for an inspired celebrity choice…

Hollywood Casting: Rihanna

8. Coppertone Girl



Introduced in 1959, the impish child whose blue swimsuit bottoms get pulled down by a cocker spaniel was played by a three-year-old Jodie Foster in 1965. Did you know that they changed the logo later because some thought her bare buttocks encouraged pedophilia? Now that the company makes sunscreen instead of tanning oils, the "paleface" message is no longer appropriate and she's been phased out.

Hollywood Casting: Dakota Fanning

9. Tropic-AnaThe Polynesian pretty who used to be topless has since been replaced with an orange and straw. It would be fun if they brought back a female icon who loves exhibitionism, wouldn't it?

Hollywood Casting: Bai Ling

10. Chiquita Banana


Born in 1944, Miss Chiquita was sometimes a lady, sometimes an actual fruit, as seen in this Disney commercial. Her jingle is awesome, even if she was pretty much just a Carmen Miranda rip off.

Hollywood Casting: Salma Hayek?

Don't like these choices? Have some of your own? Suggestions welcome.

[Celebrity images via Getty. Tropic-Ana photo by Michael Poulin via Flickr.]

UPDATE (6/14/08 @ 7:20am): Both Ms Hayek and Ms Cruz have released statements denying any connection to Mr Villarreal Barragán, his associated groups or any knowledge of who the house belonged to. In a statement, agents for the actresses said that "the production of Bandidas arranged the accomodation for all the actores, which is common practice in the film industry". The statement also said that "Penélope Cruz chose a hotel but Salma Hayek prefered a house because she was travelling with her pet dogs. Hayek never knew who owned the house or had any contact with its owners or with anything associated with the rented place, which was paid for by the production company."

If you’re among the five or six people who saw Bandidas, the 2006 Bonnie & Clyde: The Girl-On-Girl Edition! bomb co-starring Penelope Cruz and Salma Hayek, the first thing you should be is ashamed of yourself. Now that we've scolded you, it's time to learn the possible reason why the “comedy” caper was so downright awful. Yes, Salma and Penelope wore very cute little pink lacy numbers, the film had a scene featuring Hayek jumping spread-eagle on to a horse, and Steve Zahn provided some slight comic relief just by being in the damn thing, but a revelation involving where the two chicas called home while filming may explain why the film went awry: “The stars slept at a [cocaine] trafficker's house for several days during the 2006 shoot. The property belonged to Sergio Villareal Barragán, known as 'El Grande' or the 'Big One.'” We took a look back at the cringy trailer to see if there may be any truth to the suggestive allegations that Salma and Penelope spent some time living the glamorous drug den life while on set.

Despite Salma's painful over-acting and Penelope's seemingly bipolar mood from scene to scene (one moment she's just! so! perky! and the next she's staring into space like a zombie coming down from one very long binge), we highly doubt the ladies were partaking in any of their alleged temporary landlord's stash. Salma tends to overact (Ugly Betty guest spot, anyone?), and Penelope tends to zombie-act her way through roles, the notable exception being her phenomenal role in Volver. So even if the trial witness who made these claims is telling the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth (which, mind you, is a trait not commonly found among those embroiled in drug trafficking), we'd still be on Team Hotties. After all, even if they were hitting the slopes while filming, it's not like this disaster of a movie could've been salvaged anyway.

• PENELOPE CRUZ AND SALMA HAYEK STAYED AT DRUG TRAFFICKER'S HOUSE [Daily Telegraph]

The Accused: Rian of The Skinny. Sigh.
The Crime: Scrutinizing the midsection of beleaguered, 21-year-old freshly sober Lindsay Lohan. The Evidence: "Lindsay Lohan Has A Tummy Bump. Food? Baby bump? Bloat? Weight gain?" Muses Rian. Do people really not have any idea what a woman's body is supposed to look like? Ever seen the Venus of Willendorf, a painting by Rubens, or like, the birth of Venus? Or Venus and the Lute player? It's not natural for a woman's abdomen to be totally flat. She can sculpt it into submission with crunches, and it can still stick out a little. There are vital organs in there. This is the way we are made. Learn to love it and quit nitpicking. I feel like crying. The Sentence: Rian needs to write a detailed letter to LL, apologizing, even if she never mails it. And then: Forgive herself. Plus: Sessions with a therapist specializing in body dysmorphia.

The Accused: The dude behind What Would Tyler Durden Do?
The Crime: Belittling a woman because she's not, in his opinion, physically or aesthetically pleasing. The Evidence: "I looked it up, and if you masturbate to a picture of [Cynthia Nixon's partner] Christine Marinoni, it counts as Sexual Misconduct in 41 states. In fact In Texas, they'll shoot you. And rightfully so. Pervert." Hey, guy, listen. A female's worth cannot be judged by her face or body. Cynthia loves this woman. Does someone love you? Do you love yourself?
Additional Crime: Mocking of Nicky Hilton's legs, weight, wishing harm upon her. The Evidence: "I'm glad to see she's supper skinny. Hopefully she has an eating disorder." The Sentence: This gentleman ought to be forced to spend a few nights in a male sexual offender's prison cell; then spend the day in the intensive care unit of a hospital cleaning the bedpans and monitoring the IVs of anorexic patients.

The Accused: A Socialite's Life
The Crime: Believing that good looks triumph over all. The Evidence: "She explained why she was experiencing trepidation about bringing a girl into this world, 'I think women suffer more a bit more than boys, and there is always conflict between mother and daughters.' However, Salma went on to say that couldn't happier that her daughter is in her life adding, "And I can't imagine there ever being conflict between us, because I'm in a state of innocence where I love everything she does.' Also, if her daughter ends up looking anything like her mother, I have a feeling she'll be able to bypass at least some of that suffering." Because if you are a pretty woman than there are no obstacles! Being beautiful is the ultimate aspiration for women. So twisted. The Sentence: A month without vision, learning to judge people by their words and actions, not their faces.

The Accused: Perez Hilton
The Crime: Assuming, as many of these bloggers are wont to do, that pregnant and fat are the same. The Evidence: "Wow...Jamie Lynn [Spears] is looking so....mature. Or maybe it's just her bloated face!" Gestating a human requires adding more than a few pounds, people. Educate yourselves. The Sentence: Some sort of intestinal parasite that causes discomfort and weight gain.

The Accused: The demented little boy known as Drunken Stepfather.
The Crime: Insulting, misogynous remarks about Kim Kardashian, and, of course, her posterior. The Evidence: "She doesn't have cellulite because her fat is so compacted that the skin looks smooth, when really it's just tryin' to hold it all in there without exploding all over the place. Most fat chicks swim in their t-shirts, but this bitch seems to think it's ok to wear a bikini. She also thinks it's ok to pose for Playboy. What bitch needs to do is spend some time with her boyfriend's personal pro-athlete trainer, not more time thinkin' her body is good enough to flaunt, even though I'm still checkin' it out, but I am a easy to please." Well. We all know that Kim Kardashian is not fat. We all know that DS is trying to incite controversy, or outrage, or attention, or all of the above. But it's still not right to type these words about any woman. The Sentence: I don't even know anymore. Suggestions?

A waitress at the Feb. 7 party at New York club Socialista tested positive for hepatitis A, a source at the New York Board of Health confirms to Star.

"A report will go out tomorrow that everyone who was at the club at Feb. 7, 8 and 11 will need to be tested," says the source. Madonna, Kate Hudson, Bruce Willis, Lucy Liu, Liv Tyler, Gwyneth Paltrow, Eric Dane and Rebecca Gayheart celebrated with Ashton and his wife Demi Moore.

Other guests included Salma Hayek and her husband, Lake Bell, Molly Sims, Amy Smart, Ivanka Trump, Parker Posey, Ali Larter, stylist Rachel Zoe, and designer Roberto Cavalli.

We promise to bring you updates on the well-being of your favorite celebrities as we get them, and ask, at this difficult moment, that you save the lion's share of your prayers for two potential victims in particular: Having just overcome a cleanse-related bout of intestinal duress, and a very public battle with a malignant cold sore, we only ask God that the already compromised immune systems of unwitting attendees Paltrow and Dane not be further taxed by the potentially serious, fecal-matter-transmitted disease.

• HEALTH SCARE AT ASHTON'S BIRTHDAY [Star Magazine]

·Once again indulging the female facial hair fetish she previously explored via her memorable Frida unibrow, Salma Hayek will play the bearded lady in Paul Weitz's Cirque du Freak. [Variety]
· How is the writers strike affecting Canadians starved for imported American TV content? Click through and find out! [THR]
· Christian Bale is "in negotiations" to join Michael Mann's movie Public Enemy as the FBI agent hot on the trail of Johnny Depp's legendarily beschlonged mobster John Dillinger. [Variety]

In today's episode: Vince Vaughn; Keanu Reeves; Salma Hayek; Luke Wilson; William H. Macy and Felicity Huffman; Hugh Hefner; Dennis Quaid and Harry Dean Stanton; David Arquette; Sandra Oh; Larry King; Geena Davis; Adam Goldberg; Benjamin Bratt; Seal; Jimmy Fallon; Mindy Kaling; Paul Reiser; Henry Winkler; Colin Hanks; Sherry Lansing; Mena Suvari; Dave Navarro; Emily Procter; Lou Barlow and Danny Bonaduce.

· 9/9: Saw notorious tall-drink-of-water Vince Vaughn riding a bike down Abbot Kinney in Venice, peddling a few feet behind a dude pal. Even seated on a bicycle, the giant Vaughn towered over the yuppo-bohemians scurrying along the nearby sidewalks, windowshopping for overpriced furniture.

· I was working my shift at the Hooters of Hollywood on 9/14 when I saw Keanu Reeves with a lanky male friend. Keanu was flirting with his waitress, a hot brunette. Looked like they exchanged numbers on napkins.

· As if "Across the Universe" wasn't trippy enough, my friends and I were sitting next to Salma Hayek and her boyfriend/fiancee/ husband/impregnator during the 420 showing of it on Saturday (9/15) at the Arclight. She's very pregnant and very beautiful and the two of them were cracking up during her scene...

· 09/15/07 - Spotted Luke Wilson at Guero's Taco Bar in Austin, TX, looking very "I've grown a full beard in order to not be recognized and asked about my psychotic older brother."

· Sept 9: While headed through the Roosevelt Hotel lobby on the way to use their fine restroom facilites, saw William H. Macy giving wife Felicity Huffman a footrub on one of the sofas, an oddly conspicous display of tootsie-pampering skills. Even though I couldn't really stare (that would have been rude) , it appeared that he wasn't ticklin' or nothin'.

· 9/13 - Thursday night at Ketchup on Sunset saw Hugh Hefner having dinner with seven of his "associates." Had him landlocked in a big booth while paps (or their crew?) did their thing. Dude is old and busted. At least eleventy. I know that's not new info, but damn. And his associates are whore-tastic. Obvi.

· 9/13 Accidentally caught Dennis Quaid's band last night at Santa Monica jazz and blues cave, Harvelles. There were about ten people there, but all Defamer-required snarkage aside: they're really fucking good. Quaid does a mean Doors cover and Harry Dean Stanton is the harmonica rocking-est polygamist I've ever seen.

· Approaching the corner of Dayton Way and Wilshire, I think it was Dayton, the one that dead ends at Neiman's, there was a film crew shooting and if I hadn't known it was a film shoot I would not have noticed David Arquette. He looked non-descript although he was enviably reed thin and shorter than me. Then after I had a lobster club salad at The Mariposa with a friend we saw Sandra Oh at the Kiehl's counter stocking up for beauty event.

· It's not just the seeing Larry King buying an assortment of papers and magazines Monday morning (9-17) at Al's Newsstand in Beverly Hills that's what's exciting - it's the designer jeans he was wearing. Now we're talking...

· Saturday 9/15: at Iroha Sushi in Studio City, Geena Davis, looking the epitome of frumpy. She walked in with her husband (who looks like a poor man's Jeff Goldblum) and dined with another couple.

· Sept 12 - Saw adam goldberg at the spoon show tonight; such a cutie in his western shirt, tight pants, and boots. Was he trying to feign being from austin so the band would like him more? This austin girl loved it.

· Saw Benjamin Bratt at Peet's Coffee & Tea on Main Street in Santa Monica Monday a.m. He was just out of the shower, hair wet, fresh t-shirt and jeans. So, so hot.

· 9/16 - I was enjoying a quiet Sunday morning reading the NY Times outside a Starbucks in Beverly Hills when a loud black Ferrari (or Lamborghini?) pulls up and idles outside Nate 'N Al's next door. Sitting behind the wheel having a serious conversation on his cell was Seal mere hours before strutting down the red carpet with his stunning wife Emmy-nominated wife. (By the way, damn all y'all who voted for Amazing Race instead of Project Runway.) He sat there on the street taking up the right lane until people trying to pass started to get annoyed, except the couple that slowed to take a photo, so he made a u-turn and hung on the opposite side of the street. I expected a busboy to run out and load up the car built for sex with bagels, lox and cream cheese. But when a spot opened up, a couple young guys (they really got a kick out of this) helped guide Seal into the spot so he wouldn't ding their way inferior car. Seal hopped out, still gabbing away about editing photos, and walked by me into the Starbucks where he loaded up on treats, presumably for his adorable family. He looked hot in a black t-shirt and jeans, and he smelled really good.

· Saturday night, Sunset Strip by Roxy, Jimmy Fallon was walking down the street with his fiancee. No one really seemed to notice him, much less bother him. He and the lady were both wearing jeans and he had a black hipster blazer with a t-shirt underneath that was also probably hipster-ish. I was trying to be too cool pretending not to notice him to actually look over and read what it said.

· on thursday, after grilled cheese night at campanile (excellent, by the way), we headed to milk, the dairy kingdom on beverly. While enjoying a milkshake, i look up to see the office's resident gwen stefani fan mindy kaling standing by the cookie display. she smiled at me a few times with that "i know you know who i am, and thanks for watching" look in her eyes, but no words were exchanged.

the next night, we took in a screening of "across the universe" at the landmark. sitting right by the entrance of our theater was paul reiser. he looked quite a bit older than his sitcom heyday, and had a full head of grey hair. guess he hasn't had much else to do but get older?

afterwards, we saw the fonz himself, henry winkler, going down the escalators. he was wearing the exact opposite of fonz garb: a really garishly colored plaid shirt. no sign of opie either.

· Sunday, Sept. 16th.
I saw Colin Hanks at Q's on Wilshire at around 11:30am. He blended into the sea of Sunday morning football fans by keeping his face hidden under a baseball cap and glasses. He sat down by the pool tables and cheered for the mighty New York Giants. Unfortunately the Giants lost, so I hereby declare Colin Hanks as bad-luck.

· Hey, I'm totally late on these, but the week before Labor Day I saw
Sherry Lansing gathering with friends/family at the Starbucks in Westwood near Wilshire. Same week I saw shaved-head Mena Suvari at the Whole Foods in Santa Monica on Wilshire. Both looked good, albeit in totally different ways.

· On Emmy Day, I went to The Grove to see "The Brave One" and spotted in the theater Dave Navarro with some gorgeous but generic blonde.

Later, at Maggiano's Little Italy, I spotted Emily Procter (CSI: Miami) dining with 2 other ladies and 3 definite middle-aged Gay men. One looked very much like the tall, spiky-haired, glasses wearing host from some cable makeover show, but I just couldn't figure which one, and IMDB is being mean to me.

· If it wasn't for the fact that he looks exactly like you would expect him to, I wouldn't have believed that it was indie-rock icon Lou Barlow shopping at DSW Shoe Warehouse in the Paseo Colorado in Pasadena on Saturday, September 15 with his wife and young daughter. I wanted to say something out of deference and admiration but I was drawing a blank on the names of Sebadoh albums and was afraid he might quiz me or something.

· Sunday afternoon, Sept. 16th - Mom and li'l sis were in town from CA's Central Valley so of course we went to The Grove. I mentioned that celebs were known to have been spotted there from time to time. All we managed to come up with was Danny Bonaduce, apparently lacking an Emmy ticket, in new blue jeans and a gray tee, walking alone toward the Farmer's Market, lighting a fag (smoking a cigarette, that is). He turned up again as we were picking up the car from the valet at the FM, this time carrying a new backpack over his shoulder, again lighting one up. Mom was happy, but she said a little too loudly that he looked like a bum. And yes, he was within earshot...sorry, Danny.

· Saturday September 8
Danny Bonaduce at the Miracle Mile Ralph's looking unaturally/frighteningly orange. Definitely fit, he spent 10 minutes looking at hair coloring. I'm just sayin'.

• Hotel Campari [Campari USA via Copyranter]

· Pictured: At this morning's Oscar nominations announcement, Salma Hayek is thrilled to learn that Academy president Sid Ganis was just kidding when he told her that part of her duty as co-presenter was to give him a topless hot-oil massage at the conclusion of the press conference.
· While everyone's in an uproar over the Dakota Fanning rape movie at Sundance, no one's said anything about the one where Fanning rapes Rainn Wilson, a truly disturbing double-standard.
· Anna Nicole Smith is exactly as literate as you'd suspected.
· Jamie Foxx is exactly as classy as you'd suspected.
· It might be time for DreamWorks to cut down on that Dreamgirls For Your Consideration budget.
· Quickly, before he takes the podium: Here's your State of the Union drinking game.

[Photo: Getty Images]

In today's episode: Jack Black and Kyle Gass; Salma Hayek; David Hasselhoff; Michael Rapaport, James Spader and Tim Gunn; Matthew Broderick; Adam Goldberg; Shannyn Sossamon; Jason Priestly; Michelle Trachtenberg and Jack Osbourne; Derek Jeter; Mario Van Peebles; Duane 'Dog' Chapman and Beth Smith; Dennis Rodman; Elliot Yamin and Mark DeCarlo.

· Worked the Vista Theatre (Los Feliz) "Pick of Destiny" screening last night where the D (Jack Black and Kyle Gass) put on a short but scorching set of the better known songs in their arsenal. They also put buttprints into the not-so-famous starprints sidewalk in front. After their set they were meant to leave but they sneaked up to the projection booth to watch the opening of their first movie. Both guys were non-talkative but wide-eyed and giddy as if seeing the "Magic of Movies" from the perspective of a dusty, 1940's asbestos-laden closet was something special.
Movie was great if your a fan of the D; enjoyable if your just a Jack Black fan.

· Tuesday (11/14) went to local restaurant Caf Stella for dinner with friends, who promptly mentioned Salma Hayek was there. (I've seen her there before.) I couldn't see her from my vantage point, but at the end of the night, when I was waiting for my car, there she was. Petite, seemed very approachable and cool, with two other Spanish-speaking friends. I don't know what else to say, really. She's a cool cat. Go Salma! Do I get a free travel mug or golfing visor now?

· Went to a Saturday (11/11) late afternoon screening of Borat at the Grove. After the movie let out, saw David "The Hoff" Hasselhoff with one of his daughters. He looks quite aged but clearly has had quite a bit of plastic surgery on his face. The funny part of the otherwise dull sighting was seeing The Hoff in the plastic-surgery-modified-flesh just after seeing an shot of of him (from Borat's beloved collection of Baywatch photos/books) in his younger, Baywatch years in the movie.

· Tuesday evening 11/14, it was like shooting celebrity fish in a celebrity barrel at the Arclight. There was a screening of George Clooney's new film "The Good German" and some kind of shindig for ASCAP, so I can't tell which event was drawing the stars, but within about a 90-second span in the main lobby I saw Michael Rapaport (tall, listening intently on his cell phone), James Spader (in a cool hat and looking much more svelte than on "Boston Legal," good for you, dude!) and Tim Gunn. Now, at first I thought it couldn't be Tim because we're not in NYC, but when I read in the previous PrivacyWatch that he is indeed in town, well, it's clear that my mad skills for spotting the famous once again made it work {snort!}.

· 9/12 - While reading the Sunday NY Times and checking the Blackberry at the Starbucks across from CAA / The Peninsula, Matthew Broderick, frumpy yet cute and sans SJP, sat at the table behind me and proceeded to do the very same (albeit with a snazzier Blackberry). Looked like he cleaned up nicely for the Deck the Halls premiere later that day.

· Saw Adam Goldberg walking into this Asian (Thai?) Massage parlor across from that shopping center with the Ralphs on the corner of Western and Sunset. He rang a bell and the door opened. Walked in very quickly (and discreetly).
Wonder why. I'M JUST SAYIN'!!!

· Friday morning, Starbucks on Larchmont: SHANNYN SOSSAMON, ordering some sort of espresso drink (I only noticed it was her AFTER she ordered, so alas, can't tell you if she's a latte girl, Americano, or what). Shannon is not only absolutely stunning in real life - I could barely peel my eyes away and I'm a heterosexual girl - but she looked to be of a totally normal weight. No anorexia or bobble head here - you go girl! She also smiled nicely at the barista and thanked him for her order. Classy!

· Thursday evening, at Luna Park, sitting next to my friend and me at the bar was my 90s heartthrob... JASON PRIESTLY! He was with some woman, maybe around his same age (mid-late 30s), with very short dyed blond hair. It didn't seem romantic, more like business. Couldn't tell if the were drinking but they got the french fry happy hour special, yum! Brandon looks good, aging well. Especially considering, wasn't he in an extremely bad car crash (while racing) a few years back? You can't tell at all!

· seen: michelle tractenberg, jack osbourne and scruffy weird friend at wokcano on third street, tuesday.

michelle has possibly the most obnoxious laugh EVER and rambled on about a music video she shot for ringside and how it was, like, a lot of fun. jack was seated virtually on michelle's lap and repeatedly asked if she had a bodyguard.

· Derek Jeter at Mastros Wednesday night 11.15 around 10PM. Second floor 2X2 rectangle table in the bosom of the "L" floorplan - tucked around the corner from the bar. ...1 white male friend/non Yankee on his side, and 2 African American guys across from him. It looked like a 2 guys meeting 2 guys for dinner deal....but maybe I'm racially profiling. They were drinking lightly and were generally left alone, except for a table of 6 girls and 1 dude 2 tables away from me further away from Jeter who were standing up out of their seats and turning 180 degrees around to stare between people's heads at him. I was drunk and yelled at the lookey-loos "Stop staring"! I yelled it a little too loud. He looks exactly as he does on TV. Perfect skin. I still hate him....go Red Sox.

· Thursday, 8 p.m. Mario Van Peebles at Puck Express, 3rd Street, Santa Monica. He happily signed an autograph while placing his order. He wore his Baadasssss T-shirt. No offense to Mr. Van Peebles, but between the bagpipes, the never-ending Guantanamera, and the dirty utensils, I don't know why I eat at that place.

· Saw Duane 'Dog' Chapman and his wife Beth Smith last night at Acapulco on La Cienega (across from Trashy Lingerie). Didn't get a good look at him, but you can recognize that mullet anywhere. Apparently he likes crappy Mexican food and $2.25 margaritas too...

· 11/13 - Monday afternoon, corner of Melrose and Curson in front of the Metro store, none other than former NBA bad boy Dennis Rodman, shooting something with a camera crew. The other actor was dressed like a court jester. Seriously.

Is Los Angeles the only place where this doesn't even draw a second look from anybody?

· Spotted American Idol third-place finisher Elliot Yamin at Hollywood & Highland last night. Had to do a double take because he was super short and had a smokin' hot brunette on his arm. My suspicions were confirmed when the couple met up with a tall, curly-haired drink of water known as Ace Young's brother. Looks like they were going to Level One for (according to his official website) Ace's 26th birthday party.

· Spotted seminal early-90s Dating Game ripoff "Studs" host Mark DeCarlo (sadly it was not necessary for me to imdb him) chatting with decent blonde in the outdoor patio at World Cafe in SM on Wednesday (11/15). Is there one person in America who didn't get that the witty double entendre banter on that show was scripted? Anyway, he's aged OK and was blathering on and on about his stand up act. She seemed into it. Notably, there was an open-mike terrible comedy thing going on inside, but he didn't seem interested.

In this week's episode: Luke Wilson; Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones; Heath Ledger; Jake Gyllenhaal; Salma Hayek; Kate Beckinsale; Kiefer Sutherland; Jessica Simpson; Stephen Dorff and Lisa Rinna; Cindy Crawford; Steve Martin; Jenny McCarthy; Chloe Sevigny; Nicollette Sheridan; Traci Lords; Jason Lee; David Schwimmer and Cheech Marin; Eric Roberts; Joey Slotnick; Steven Page and Dax Shepherd; Master P. and Danny Bonaduce.

· sighting on saturday afternoon 6/17... luke wilson and his girlfriend politely cutting in line in front of us at neptune's net in malibu. it appeared to be a quick pit stop to pick up two cans of bud light. they got the two cans and walked out the restaurant. a minute later luke walked back in and asked the bus boy if he had seen his 'girlfriend' and is describing her physical appearance when she pops up behind him (she was apparently using the icky port-a-potty bathroom facilities at neptune's net that not even i could bear). the two immediately hopped into his porche and drove away, bud light in tow. not sure if the two cans were for the road or for a romantic light domestic toast on the beach.

· i had lunch at la piazza at the grove in los angeles on saturday june 17 around noon. sitting directly behind me? michael douglas and catherine zeta-jones plus their two kids. I did not turn around to gawk, but did hear them talking from time to time. a friend at my table said that catherine stepped away to take a call at one point and left michael with the kids. they had a time trying to get the kids to eat and apparently michael put one of the kids on his lap and tried to get the kid to eat some pizza. i only saw them as they exited the restaurant. michael was wearing a purple polo shirt, khakis, sunglasses and had the beginnings of a beard. He carried one of their children out of the restaurant. catherine was low-key in a tank top, long flowing skirt... had her hair pulled back in a bun, no make-up that i could tell, and sunglasses. i probably would not have recognized them if i'd seen them somewhere else. our service was a little slow since most of the servers were dividing their time between gawking at the aforementioned family and the world cup match on the television upstairs. they were the only celebs I spotted while in LA, but hey, at least they were A-list!

· Saw Heath Ledger at the West Hollywood Pavillions on his way out, thanking someone for a compliment he had obviously received. Not as short as I had expected, maybe 5' 10", with an absolutely flawless golden complexion, blond hair and a "I'm really a nice guy, but please don't recognize me" sort of look on him (Unlike the patented Piven "You're a nobody, don't look at me" thing).

· Sunday June 18: Saw Jake Gyllenhaal at the weekly Hollywood Farmers Market at Selma and Ivar. He was being stalked by two overweight photographers with telephoto lenses. He turned tail and ran when he saw them.

· I grabbed a glass of wine by the bar at Café Stella in Silver Lake Wednesday night (6-21), where about half the time, you'll spot someone famous. That night, it was Salma Hayek at a corner table, in the midst of an intense discussion with her three male companions. About what, who knows—life, love, art, monobrows—at least that's what I imagine Salma Hayek talks about.

· Kate Beckinsale getting back to her British roots at the Kings Head pub in Santa Monica on Saturday. Weren't there rumblings her and hubbie Len Wiseman were on the rocks? She looked pretty happy hanging with him, her daughter and some random and I don't think she's a good enough actress to have been faking it...

· I saw Kiefer Sutherland & a lady friend yesterday (6/18) at the Mayfair Market at Franklin & Bronson. He was on the deli aisle when I came in & still there when I left 15 minutes later.

· Tuesday - Jessica Simpson walking in Beverly Hills. Flat, pancake butt. At T-Mobile party that night, magically had round, pronounced butt. She must wear "butt pads/silicone butt inserts" as worn in Daisy Dukes in Dukes of Hazzard.

She and two sycophantic girl friends at The Griddle on Sunset. Small frame, giant head and MASSIVE BOOBS, each one bigger than her already large head. I don't know what they were talking about at the table, but for someone with a reputation for being dumb, Jessica seemed able to keep up with the entire conversation.

· Lisa Rinna from Dancing with the Stars and friend having dinner at Nobu in Malibu on Wednesday 6/14, across from them at another table was Stephen Dorff with older random people eating as well.

· Wilshire, just east of Robertson. A BLS BMW 7-Series idles in front of slightly-vampiric skin guru Christina Radu's office (I've seen that woman up close and it looks likes she drinks blood, and it looks like its good for her skin). A tall woman of a certain age steps from the door and toward the car, Greek fishing hat, low rider jeans, small t-shirt. The face looks familiar, pretty, no make-up and has that reddish "I've just been worked over" swelling and flush. It takes a minute, and then its "that's Cindy Crawford." Wow, she looks pretty good for post-facial, no make-up, broad daylight. Into the car and off she goes. Maybe to get ready for the Playboy party she never got
into at her husband's bar...

· Was at Franklin Canyon reservoir and who should drive up but Steve Martin! He looked plain as can be in a white Lexus. I must have looked ridiculous openly staring at him but what can you do, it's STEVE MARTIN! He was ready to go mountain biking apparently. Looked good for his age. He smiled nicely at my irritating stare — and as I walked away I could hear people shouting "Steve Martin! We love you!" His small car was quite different from the usual big black shiny Merc. His head is really big.

Saw Jenny McCarthy at the Whole Foods on Riverside. She had her sunglasses on, no makeup, with her tyke in the shopping cart. This was before the Jim Carrey tongue pics. She looked hot, even with no makeup and sweats. Not the greatest skin, however. Cute kid.

· Leaving the Pet Store in Victor's Square (Bronson and Franklin) at about 4PM Sunday and spot Chloe Sevigny walking into the local dry cleaner. She's wearing a very "Chloe" outfit - gray 80s, asymmetrical lycra top a la Danskin with bold graphic black and white striped mid thigh shorts. No make-up. Showing bold nipples on small low slung breasts. She leaves the dry cleaner and gets into a green Land Rover Discovery, a very "Darian, Connecticut" car. Not a hybrid, not really "bling." Hmmm,

· I was driving home up in the Hills of Beachwood, lamenting (property values aside) what the rise of Hollywood and Vine has done to the neighborhood (making it into what Sunset Plaza was in the mid-90s), and noticed a purple (!) Lamborghini Gallardo parked two doors down. I make a mental note that this is really proving my point. As I get closer, I see that the entire right side is smashed, one end to another. Closer still, I see a front plate made of duct tape and custom H.I.M logos painted on the car and go "fuck, its that Bam Margera loser, hope he's just visiting..." Over the next two days, I see the car three more times in the 'hood. Not a good sign. As Johnny Knoxville lives about a mile up, it sadly makes sense that BAM might be living here now... Ugh!

· Monday, June 18 Nicollette Sheridan and friends munching from a brown box of Cmpartes Cocolates next door on the patio of Srtino restaurant in Bentwood.

· 6/20 Traci Lords at Sport Chalet in the Beverly Connection. She was sort of hiding as I complained to them for not letting me make a $5 purchase with my AmEx and only a xerox of my driver's license. She was very conservatively dressed.

· 6/16, around 6:30pm, was driving west on Sunset Blvd. to get to the Arclight. We were driving behind a nice, shiny new Porsche. My girlfriend noticed it, and said it looked like a spy car. As we switched to the left turn lane, we passed next to it and peeked at the driver. It was Jason Lee (My Name Is Earl), with a neatly trimmed beard, looking a little better in person than on the show.

· Spotted both David Schwimmer and Cheech Marin on AA 1364 from LAX to Chicago Thursday 6/8. Schwim was inconspicuous in an electric blue track jacket and Cheech rocked the aviator sunglasses while reading US Weekly. They sat in the same row (5) but not next to each other. David also had to go to the bathroom frequently.

· Saw Eric Roberts walking towards the bike path in the Palisades on Sunday, coming from one of those all exclusive lunch places. Had to tone down the boyfriend when he said, "Oh, is he related to Julia Roberts??" and I said, "Sssh, he might here you." He looks great though. Purple trunks, nice bod and seemed pretty chill.

· Saw JOEY SLOTNICK walking down Larchmont this morning, Thursday June 22. He was carrying a coffee, bottle of water, and a newspaper. That's pretty much all I have to report. Except to say, if you have friends or relatives in from out of town and they really want to see a "star", take them to Larchmont in the mornings, especially weekends. Hang around the Starbucks/Sam's Bagel/Coffee Bean vicinity and you're virtually guaranteed a B or C level celebrity sighting of the Joey Slotnick variety.

· Tuesday June 20 around 12:30pm-

Steven Page, the lead singer of Barenaked Ladies eating lunch with a pal at Mel's Diner on Sunset Blvd.

Tuesday June 20 around 12:45pm-

Dax Shepherd, sporting a terrible looking mohawk (which hopefully is for a movie role) and a pal eating lunch at Mel's Diner on Sunset Blvd.

· I saw Master P., with large entourage in tow, at the Bed Bath and Beyond in West LA on Sunday 6/18. I was dying to see what totally mundane, normal thing he brought 15 people with him to buy ("Come on, dogs, get in the Escalade. I need a panini press, yo.") but we were left before I could see. He's really tall and his feet are size of canoes. No wonder he sucked on that dancing show.

· Saturday 2pm - Danny Bonaduce on his Harley at the corner of Franklin & Argyle. The people in the car next to him rolled down their window to say something complimentary. He said thanks and gave them a big smile before pulling away.

My friends went to a midnight screening of X-men [Thursday] night at the Chinese and were talking about what a hack Brett Ratner [Ed.note—That's not a nice way to talk about the King of Hollywood, is it?] is before the movie started. A woman behind them interrupted their conversation to defend Ratner, saying he was a great director and they didn't know what they were talking about. Apparently she got all up in their grill. They didn't say anything because they were so shocked—the woman was Courtney Love. Apparently, Love's date was pretty embarrassed too, because he kept sinking down further and further in his chair. It was only after the screening that another audience member told them her date was Ratner himself.

Normally, a man like Ratner might feel somewhat emasculated by his date leaping to his protection, but in this case, that feeling was probably balanced by the relief that Love didn't jump over the seat and chew off the heckler's nose, causing an unnecessary distraction on his big night.

After the jump, another report of Ratner trying to impress a different ladyfriend with his movie the next night, this time without abuse or a neutering defense of his directing prowess:

After taking in a sold out show of X-Men 3 at Grauman's on opening [Friday] night my friends and I soon picked up an appearance by Balthazar Getty and Rebecca Gayheart as we stood outside the theater post-show. Suddenly the paparazzi showed up and we were left wondering why in God's name does anyone care about either of them. Before us appeared [Brett Ratner] himself accompanied by, gulp, Salma Hayek. As we contemplated our next move, by that I mean which bar to get drunk at, my friends and I witnessed a well-manicured Rat holding hands with a disheveled and unimpressive Salma as they jumped into their chauffeured SUV only to drive off into the night.

• Tuesday Morning Box Office: Brett Ratner, King Of Hollywood [Defamer]

"As a human being, I find this situation intolerable. As an immigrant, I find it offensive. And as an American citizen, I find it disheartening. The work that these immigrants do directly affects the health of the U.S. economy. I have already been in contact with Latin activist Dolores Huerta and Los Angeles Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa in an effort to figure out what is the most effective way for me to participate in this movement. My company, Ventanarosa, in solidarity with the immigrants, was closed this past Monday and will again be closed on May 1 in observance of the protests."

So far, Danny Glover is the only other celebrity voice backing the immigrants. Andy Garcia and director Robert Rodriguez wouldn't comment; Jennifer Lopez, Gloria Estefan and Rosario Dawson couldn't be reached.

A rep for Marc Anthony said he was out of the country - he'll perform in the Dominican Republic tomorrow - and therefore "unavailable." We pointed out that, with mobile phones and hand-helds, it is just about impossible to be out of touch these days. "He doesn't operate that way," Anthony's flack told us.

Have the famous completely forgotten the lessons of history? Even we remember Edmund Burke's immortal warning about complacency in the face of tyranny, "All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that Jennifer Lopez and her husband do nothing."

• Standing with the immigrants [NY Daily News]

[Photo: EPA/LANDOV via People]

After the jump, a picture from the cover story that easily made up for the shame we experienced while handing over our $1.99.

· "Adrien Brody worked for me in 1989-1991 in KMart commercials, portraying a recurring 'character' shopping with pals and girlfriends. also playing a recurring character was Melina Kanakaredes."
· "Sir David Attenborough, walking through St Anne's Court in Soho, London. Using a walking stick and looking really quite old, but dressed like a gent. Oh, hold on. Wrong continent."
· "Janeane Garofalo: eeewww you think she looked good? I saw her crossing Greenwich Ave heading towards the new Citarella on Sunday and she looked waaaaaaayyyy too skinny to me—Suffering from the Nancy Reagan big head small skinny body syndrome. She so has to stop cutting her own hair. She did have a cute dog though."
· "At 'The Play What I Wrote' on Saturday the 19th: A heroin chic-looking Neve Campbell was standing outside the theatre just before showtime, smoking a cigarette and talking with a suitably scruffed musician type."
· "does larry clark count as a celebrity? maybe not as big as JVG, but regardless, he was walking up White St at Church 2.45pm [yesterday]."