We've often suspected Ryan Seacrest didn't exist at all—that the ubiquitous, blockheaded munchkin and budding media mogul was actually just a series of perfectly rendered holograms, projected by a billion-years-old, crystal-based alien society, and sent to sedate the species in anticipation of their impending, hostile descent. Just something to think about. Another topic for discussion: Is he a Gay? Certainly, the evidence would seem to point that way. Reasonably priced celebrity news source InTouch Weekly finally puts the question to you, internet citizens, with a poll that offers zero room for hedging or compromise (i.e. you can't vote "I don't know" or "I think he likes the pole and the hole!").

Amazingly, the no's are beating the yes's 2:1, leading us to suspect that ex-girlfriend Shana Wall's claims in the same issue that "Ryan is not gay, nor is he bisexual...We had an amazing and passionate relationship for a few years, and we are still very close" may have had undo sway over the gaydar-challenged electorate. We won't divulge which way we voted, saying only that the magic of Seacrest—regardless of whether or not he's gay or straight, alien hologram or flesh and blood—lies precisely in his uncategorizable ambiguousness, a blank slate upon which to project the hopes of anyone who ever dreamed of hulaing their way into America's hearts.

• Do you think Ryan Seacrest is gay? [In Touch]
• American Idol 'Outing' Cancelled: Seacrest's Ex Says He's Straight [Nat'l Ledger]

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