Usually, each new morning brings a fresh tale of Paris Hilton's latest, tabloid-attracting transgression, from drunk-driving arrests to giggly complicity in the slandering of a rival's befreckled genital region. Today, however, the paparazzi of X17 present video of Hilton engaged in an impromptu act of charity, in which the unexpectedly compassionate philanthrotard, suddenly filled with the milkshake of human kindness, handed over a hundred-dollar bill to a panhandler as she exited a McDonald's drivethrough. Once the photographers started to put away their cameras, satisfied they'd captured their footage, Hilton immediately slammed her Range Rover into reverse and knocked the happy beggar to the parking lot pavement, calmly collected her prop Benjamin, and sped away, gratified that she'd done her good deed for the day.

• Paris the Philanthropist Rocks! [x17online.com]

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