No superhero movie campaign would be complete without a full line of toys to help maximize the thorough Hoovering of parents' wallets. But what happens when those toys totally suck? This is what happens:

[T]here has never been a more ridiculously stupid and insulting toy than the Fantastic 4 Human Torch™ ATV (with Light-Up Headlights!). And this is why:

The Human Torch has no need for an "All-Terrain Vehicle"—because the last time I checked, the Human Torch can fucking FLY.

Has anyone told the Human Torch that it might not be safe to sit on top of a gas tank when one is on FIRE? Nice message to send the kids, assholes! [...]

The Fantastic 4 Human Torch™ ATV also has "light-up headlights!" Good thing, because there's nothing more useless than "dark-down headlights." What does the freaking Human Torch need with headlights anyway? HE'S ON FIRE!

Sadly, we expect that The Invisible Girl Saran Wrap Dress-Up Set For Toddlers will also be a disappointing seller.

[Photo: Go Figure]

• FANTASTIC FLOP! [Portland Mercury]

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