Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin of Coldplay are now proud parents, as Paltrow gave birth to their first child this weekend. Obviously still addled from a central nervous system full of Demerol, Paltrow named the baby girl Apple (full name: Apple Blythe Alison Martin). Our hearts go out to yet another celebrity offspring burdened by their famous parents' "creativity." As always, things could have been worse; we hear the proud couple wanted to go with "Mango Toaster Paltrow-Martin," but someone in the Screen Actors Guild had already registered under that name. Better luck with the next kid, Gwynnie.

• Paltrow gives birth to baby girl [AP via CNN.com]
• 10 things to consider when choosing your baby's name [iVillage.co.uk]
• Using Narcotics for Pain Relief During Childbirth [American Pregnancy Association]
• Comments Overheard at Work Regarding the Birth of Apple Martin to G. Paltrow and C. Martin [LasagnaFarm]

Contact information for this author is not available.