By now we think you may be onto our little associate editor's note shenanigans, in which we inform you of our whip-cracking boss from hell's esteemed masthead companion's absentia due to humiliating, albeit completely fabricated, circumstances. Having cried wolf in the past on everything from gender reassignment surgery to Miata owner's conventions, we'd completely understand if you raise an incredulous eyebrow when we now tell you that Mark is currently on leave for a 48-hour, intensive training seminar at the John Travolta Flight Academy. This time, sadly, it's no joke: Your Defamer editor is at this moment logging thousands of miles and getting the kind of one-on-one, hands-on mentorship for which the JTFA is famous. He'll be back Monday, radiant and gushing about his sky-high adventures. Until then, however, we go it alone.

-Seth

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