Apr 21, 2005 02:53 PM
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Hollywood, 5:05 PM
Tue Feb 9
57 posts in the last 24 hours
Are you gay and looking for trouble, but don't have the entertainment industry standing to stomp in a breeder film executive's head and break into the ranks with the Velvet Mafia? If so, you're in luck, as an anonymous Craigslist poster is assembling a band of toughs to raid David Geffen's Malibu stronghold and break some rattan:
Are you tough? Violent? Rough around the edges? You can't be kept down? Do you think Jennifer Hudson is totally a better diva than Fantasia and you'd kick anyone's ass who disagrees?
I'm starting up a gay gang! We'll do all the things that tough street gangs do (pick fights, steal wallets, critique b-list actresses on the red carpet) but we'll be comprised of gay men!
Now this gang isn't fancy-pansy like the ones in West Side Story. Wait, who am I kidding? It's EXACTLY like West Side Story. Only this time, Tony and Chino will have the cajones to actually get together, instead of wasting time on Natalie Wood (whose only good performance was in Rebel Without a Cause there I said it).
To join you'll have to pass a rigorous test. We can't tell you our gang name or our colors yet (and they change according to the Helmut Lang line), so you'll meet us at an undisclosed location near the Santa Monica pier.
First, you have to find an unsuspecting straight couple (preferably on a date) and mug them. Take their money, but only grab the wallet or purse if it is Burberry, Fendi, or something comparable. And be sure to mention that you thought [insert whatever the girl was wearing] went out two years ago.
Second, you have to mastermind a huge drug sale. This will be unbelievably easy, since you'll do it with E in the bathroom of The Abbey.
Third, you will be forced to get in a fight with one of the other gang hopefuls. The rest of us will be watching as you wrestle around, and you should be sure to tear some clothing and throw in a few light kisses and moans.
So if you're tough enough, just email me and we can start our gang. It doesn't matter who you are or what you look like, as long as you are attractive and have a great body.
We really hope that Craiglist's got the bandwidth to handle all of the applications that will soon be swamping their servers, and that Geffen's upgrading the lasers that guard the perimeter of his private beach.
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