Here are the glaring problems with what we can see so far:

• 1. The use of the word "cougar." It's clichéd, it's lame, it's undignified. It smacks of predatory desperation. As Salon's Rebecca Traister wrote in April, "How sad and backward that we have to give it a nickname, animalize it as if it's outside the boundaries of civilized human behavior, make it a trend, pretend that Demi Moore invented it. That's not progress, and it's not a step forward for women." 'Nuff said.
• 2. Bad jokes. From the tiny bit seen in clips below, Cougar Town is not funny! Courteney's character says to a friend over the phone, "Why so pissy?" The woman answers: "I'm fat." UGH. Really? Courteney says: "No, you're not," and the woman replies, "I am. I woke up fat!" "I don't buy it," Courteney says, and then goes to the window to look at her friend who lives next door. She sees the woman in a purple nightgown and deadpans, "Wow, you look like a whore." "Thank you!" the woman enthuses. This is just the beginning. Said neighbor is super reluctant to have sex with her husband. Ha? Later, Courteney's son thinks she is hitting on him because she is talking to him while holding wine. Hilarious?
• 3.Where's the empowerment? Courteney's character makes this speech to a male neighbor: "You know what drives me nuts? Your wife moved out what, a week ago? And you're already sexing up sorority girls. But nobody cares, because when a 40-year-old guy gets divorced, all your friends are like, 'Way to go, tiger.'" She's making a point — albeit one that been made TIME AND TIME AGAIN, that there's a double standard for how older men and older women are seen. But there's no new twist, new insight, or skewering of this double standard. Maybe it's coming later? Still, one of the rules of writing for the screen is show, don't tell. Oh, and in this scene, the man replies her rant by asking, "When's the last time you got laid?" Instead of kneeing the dude in the nuts or saying, "Right, because if a woman is angry she clearly hasn't gotten enough dick," Courteney's character seems to think that yes, maybe this is the problem. Groan.
• 4. Preposterous casting. Courteney Cox is 44 and gorgeous. Beautiful face, amazing body, and in possession of millions of dollars to designate solely for upkeep. As Allure blogger Erin Flaherty points out about Brooke Shields: "Sometimes an attractive woman is just an attractive woman." When you look at Courteney, do you think, "That's what a typical American 'cougar' really looks like"? When the male neighbor says, "Maybe what really drives you nuts is that you couldn't bag a young stud if you tried," you have no choice but to roll your eyes so hard they get stuck up in your brain. She looks almost exactly like she did when she was on Friends, which is to say: Hot. The only way a "young stud" wouldn't find her sexually attractive would be if he were gay. And even then, second base seems like a possibility.
• 5. There is a way to present older, desperate, needy, messy women and have it be funny — and it's been done, on a show called Absolutely Fabulous.

But judge for yourself: Two Cougar Town clips below.

Giving It Another Go! [Perez]
Related: Sometimes An Attractive Woman Is Just An Attractive Woman [Allure]
Earlier:How Do We Survive The Cougar Attack?

• Tensions ran high at Inauguration festivities when two former allies clashed. Ageless rock lady Sheryl Crow apparently had an awkward run in with her beautiful old boyfriend, the angelic Kid Rock. [P6]
• J. Lo and her faithful, eternal mummy manservant Marc Anthony had to push through crowds to get to an Inaugural party. With, like, regular people. The first great injustice of the glorious new regime. [P6]
• James Taylor, a lovely man, was wearing a hat and sunglasses at a Sunday night concert. It's because he fell and hit his head and needed stitches on his forehead. The incident involved a hotel room and a wooden parrot. [P6]
• Bloomberg was there. He got moved into a nicer section than he'd originally been given. Surprise. [P6]
• All the celebrities, all of them—Cher and Rihanna and Shakira and Elvira and Pyrex and Josh Groban—were in DC. Someone called it "the new Hollywood," which is true, but only for yesterday. Now DC returns to its rightful position, as the old Atlanta. [Politico]
• Urrsher thinks Obama is "old school." That must that Obama is "means nothing anymore" because "old school" means nothing anymore. [Reliable Source]
• All the celebrities somehow knew where the best restaurants in DC were. Beyoncé had a po'boy and Courteney Cox had sweet potato fries and Dustin Hoffman had mini cheeseburgers and shared one with the people next to him. They must have a Not For Tourists guides or something! Or maybe they just know. [RS]

Image, of Heather Graham, via Getty

The robber barons, for one thing, are back. As our anonymous industry friend and Jezebel contributor Tatiana tells us, most modeling agencies these days are glorified human traffickers that occupy a place on the "usury" spectrum somewhere between Payday Loan shops and actual armed robbers. Agencies stick them in overcrowded model apartments and gouge them on rent. When they are not in "demand," they're forced to work for either clothes or nothing at all; when they are in demand, they're forced to walk 28 shows in a week and that sort of nonsense.

Ford was different. He instituted a five-day workweek, paid models every Friday even when clients didn't pay up, and ran a practically Victorian institution wherein models weren't allowed to host gentleman callers. I don't even think he knew how to get coke! Obviously all that shit is gone today. In any case, Ford sold out to a private equity firm in December and his son who is still involved in the company is apparently (duh) a modelizer.

We welcome any and all old Ford Model cards, hot Courteney Cox pix, links to that cute Lindsay Lohan-Mischa Barton catalog picture that surfaced sometime last year and/or clips of that retarded Xuxa show.

Jerry Ford, Man Behind The Models

*The nice ex-president with the homophonic name died in 2006, remember? Hah.
**On another note, Ford died of endocarditis, a deadly heart valve infection that generally results when a sick patient contracts a virulent strain of the sort of antibiotic resistant staph you may know as MRSA. More people die from MRSA every year than AIDS these days, but as the New Yorker recently pointed out, few pharmaceutical companies invest much money in developing drugs to fight infectious disease anymore because there is so much more money in developing drugs that might make us less fat or something.

First, a closer look at the "sexy" ads in question, which include pull-quotes suggesting just how much closer potential viewers will get to the cool kids' table. Watching this show is so dangerous! Your parents will have nightmares just thinking about the (sort of) short skirts Blair wears! Do the nasty!

Sadly, progressively heightening a show's sex appeal with ever-so-slightly hotter ads might not be the wisest move. After Buffy got the shove-off to the vintage UPN, Sarah Michelle Gellar was photographed posing in that trademark Cosmo cover stance, suggestively, maybe, possibly, on the verge of masturbation. One season later, and the series' ashes lived on in that icky spin-off Angel. As for Beverly Hills: 90210, the standard smiley group shot used in promos rarely veered far off course. But once Season 10 wheezed its final pointless breath, Donna and her new boobs sat front and center, Kelly was forced to be groped by New Brandon Replacement #47, and Steve Sanders was permitted to play "sexy" while raising a risqué, black denim-clad leg around New Brenda Replacement #287. And the poor OC decided that turning Marissa into a lesbian wasn't quite sordid enough, so the previously wholesome ads ended, along with the series, with uber-tanned Mischa pushing whatever boobage she had together in the sand, while Ryan appeared ready to give her the old in-and-out from behind (Chino-style!).

Oops. After the sight of Rachel and Monica passionately making out giving each other a friendly peck failed to increase ratings for Dirt, some genius thought the image of Courteney Cox covered in actual dirt (get it?!) would do the trick. But rather than getting new viewers all hot and bothered, everyone just felt, well, dirty (get it?! Sigh.) Finally, the recently canceled L Word used a rather obvious promotional image by shoving all the chic lipstick lesbians together in one big ol' nude orgy party. The problem with this image? See the previous sentence (specifically, the "canceled" part).

• OMG! CHECK OUT THE SEXY NEW 'GOSSIP GIRL' ADS! [People]

The highly anticipated film production of TV series Friends has finally been given the go-ahead, MailOnline has learned.

Cast members Jennifer Aniston, Courteney Cox, Matthew Perry, Matt LeBlanc, Lisa Kudrow and David Schwimmer will reprise their roles for a big-screen adaptation 'within the next 18 months', according to insiders.

A source said: 'Jennifer, Courteney and the rest of the cast are keen to reprise their roles, under the right circumstances.

'The box office success of Sex And The City has really got their wheels spinning about how a Friends film could be just as big, if done right.

Sure, all six of the onetime $1 million-per-episoders would benefit—some obviously more than others—from a B-12 shot of unqualified blockbuster movie-stardom to the ass. But before you start planning your Arclight premiere parties (does any hairdresser in the greater L.A. area still even know how to execute The Rachel? You might have to try West Covina), we'd caution that some of the other core players have yet to sign on—we're told Naked Guy wants more screen time, and Gunther "won't even get out bed for less than seven figures." Without their involvement, the picture will obviously never get off the ground.

• Friends reunited: Jennifer Aniston and the gang set to return for big-screen blockbuster [Daily Mail]

The event in question was a snoozefest charity something-or-other at STK, filled with equally snooze-y dinner companions like Cox, her lesser half David Arquette, and easy-to-break-in-half Kate Bosworth. But more interesting than Aniston and Mayer's forced smiles is the fact that the charity was in honor of philanthropist Jeffrey Sachs, who happens to be very best buds with Brad Pitt and has done more than his fair share of charity work with Angelina Jolie. With revenge photos en vogue recently, could the clever Aniston have chosen this particular night to ensure her public boy toy outing would distract the expecting Brangelina from all that fancy Chosen Two cash burning?

• JEN ANISTON, JOHN MAYER MAKE PUBLIC DEBUT [Us]

• Lindsay Lohan's mom Dina faces "immediate arrest and imprisonment" if she doesn't show up in court this morning on charges she gets drunk in front of her kids, 11 and 14, and the she missed 15 of 29 court-ordered visitations, and showed up to one inebriated. Ex-husband Michael Lohan also threw in to the court filing that Dina is sometimes mean to her puppy — putting it in a kennel instead of letting Michael watch it — because he knows that will piss people off more than the child abuse or whatever. [R&M]
• Meanwhile, Lohan is way too classy to be on her mother's reality show, and also too busy flashing her panties at the MTV movie awards in a desperate attempt to look like Marilyn Monroe. Tila Tequila wants Lohan to come out of the closet, because think of the moneymaking opportunities.
• Tom Cruise likes to invite big powerful Hollywood men for a ride in the cockpit of his airplane. But only once they've memorized a sufficient number of homoerotic lines from Top Gun. [TMZ]
• Jennifer Aniston's friend Courteney Cox has a husband who is eight years younger, so Aniston introduced Cox to her new boyfriend, John Mayer, who is nine years younger. In case it wasn't totally obvious she was trying to show off, Aniston also wore one of those tops where you can totally see her boobs.
• Naomi Campbell reminded everyone that if Yves Saint Laurent had not gotten her onto the cover of French Vogue in the 1990s, she couldn't have have squander her massive opportunity to become a role model to girls worldwide. [Showbiz Spy]
• Angelina Jolie comes to the same conclusion as much of the moviegoing public, declaring of husband Brad Pitt: "I don't see him as an actor." [E!]
• Robert Downey Junior refused to post for a picture with Office and Get Smart star Steve Carell: "Whoa, whoa, whoa, what are you doing, cross-promoting?" [R&M]

As the Mail points out, Cox was allegedly "disapproving" when it came to beefy Owen Wilson threesome enabler Vince Vaughn, and has been "protective" ever since the big bad breakup. So bringing Mayer to Cox's Malibu home for the weekend was, well, kind of like one of those tens of thousands of episodes of Friends when either Rachel or Monica would bring some new young guy back to their inexplicably large loft and give each other the thumbs up or down. So which way did Cox's recently skeletal thumb point after spending the weekend with the serial dater?

As a source told the National Enquirer, "Ahead of Aniston's introduction...a friend [said] 'John's a bit uneasy about it - it's like meeting your lover's mom for the first time. Jen laughs and tells him Courteney just wants to pinch and poke the product." And what can we do but judge for ourselves by these pictures? Sure, paps are annoying, but stars with Malibu balconies have no right to look this pissed just seeing one, as Cox does above. We suspect she's actually just spotting John twisting those bullet-shaped tits of Jen's (sorry, we simply will never, ever get over their perfection) like radio dials and attempting to serenade her with his go-to seduction move: "Chocolate Rain." Yeah, if we saw that from our deck, we'd cringe just like Courteney. If not call the LAPD's official Areola Squad, stat.

[Photo credits: X17]

• JENNIFER ANISTON TAKES HER NEW MAN TO MEET HER 'FRIENDS' [Daily Mail]

1. John Cougar Mellencamp: After releasing his breakthrough album, American Fool in 1982, John added Cougar (his original surname) to his public persona. Although he'd won a grammy with the simpler name, Scarecrow went on to receive enormous commercial success post-name change. But during the late 80s and early 90s, John went through a "dark period," which showed on later albums. Was the Cougar too vicious for John's happy-go-lucky attitude?

2. Sean "Diddy" Combs: First he was Biggie's producer Sean Combs, then he was a rapper in his own right as Puff Daddy, and after the 1999 J. Lo court drama, tried to reinvent himself as P. Diddy, only to drop the "P." during a formal announcement on The Today Show in 2005. While all this reinvention kept Combs in the press, we've never been able to figure out why all these monkers are appealing; all we unfortunately envision when we hear any number of them is the unnecessary image of Combs sitting on the john. Are we alone?

3. Prince: Perhaps the most infamous name (symbol?) alteration in history, Prince decided in 1993 that he would only be referred to in print as that unpronounceable symbol incorporating "the male and female signs along with the alchemy symbol for soapstone." Despite the bold move, talk show hosts and anyone with the unfortunate task of having to introduce him at award shows found the move troubling, and a mini-backlash ensued. Inevitably, Prince Rogers Nelson (his real name!) wisely reverted back to his original stage name in 2000.

4: Muhammed Ali: The name Cassius Clay brings up images of the greatest fighter in history, swinging like a butterfly, stingin' like a bee. But after achieving massive success as a boxer, Clay took up with Malcolm X and and the Nation of Islam, confusing the masses by taking a Muslim name and devoting his private life to serving the Prophet. Just before the change, Clay had shocked the world by defeating undefeated Sonny Liston in 1945 at just 22. But his devotion to Islam ultimately sent him to prison, and after learning he'd gotten Parkinson's, the whimsical vocalist and arguably greatest boxer in history, was tragically remembered more for his mysterious choices later in life, rather than his achievements in the ring.

5: Rebecca Romijn and Courteney Cox: On a lighter note, these two actresses officially changed their stage names to reflect their new marraiges: Rebecca Romijn-Stamos and Courteney Cox Arquette, respectively. While feminism is certainly all about choice, and there's nothing wrong with theirs, Bex and Court's original monikers were so alliteration-happy, we were bummed when they insisted on reflecting their hubby's boring-by-comparison last names on screen. And look what good it did Romijn, who's back to her old (way better) title? And Cox; why mess with such an excellent, boner-triggering name like that by reminding fans that she married a guy with a Salvadore Dali mustache?

6. Clay Aiken: While Claymaniacs will be delighted to know (as though they don't already) that Clay's original name still incorporated "Clay," his birth name didn't quite sound as musical as the one he chose when auditioning for Idol: Clayton Holmes Grissom. We hardly think adopting Aiken is the source of Claymania, but his new moniker does sound a bit similar to "achin," which is what we suspect the majority of Claymaniacs fantasize about feeling during their naughtiest Clay sex dreams.

[Photo Credit: Getty]

• MILEY CYRUS OFFICIALLY CHANGING NAME [AOL]

"Kate's pins reminded me of one of my favourite snacks - the Jaffa Cake."

"If [Courteney] sees these pix she'll no doubt be rushing off to the same doctor as DEMI MOORE to make hers the bee's knees.

"Judging by Eva's skinny knees she needs to put on weight. Tunnock's, send her a truckload of tea cakes."

"Heavily-pregnant JENNIFER LOPEZ proves she is a bigger star than ever as she heads for a party with her hubby — and her knobbly knees."

• SOPHIE'S GOT TOBLERONE KNEES [The Sun]

In today's episode: Catherine Keener; Leonardo DiCaprio and Kevin Connolly; Tommy Lee Jones; Jon Voight; Michael Cera and Mandy Moore; Ellen Barkin, Perry Reeves, and Eddie Kaye Thomas; Courteney Cox Arquette, David Arquette, and Powers Boothe; Kirsten Dunst, an Olsen twin, John Hawkes, Dayton Callie, Paula Malcomson, and Garret Dillahunt; Jonah Hill; Nicole Richie and Joel Madden; Adam Levine and Clea DuVall; Seth Green; Tim Meadows; Eric Dane and Rebecca Gayheart; Vanessa Williams and Rick Fox; Mike Tyson; Valerie Harper; Jeff Gordon, Dominick Dunne, and Rachel Zoe; and Suge Knight.

· Went to the Wilco show last night- 8/29 at the Greek Theater. They played their last song, and I'm walking out of the aisle when this woman barrels down on me obviously in a rush. She apologizes over and over again and calls me sweetheart. I suddenly recognize the distinct voice of Catherine Keener. She apologizes again. Very nice and cool for being a Wilco fan. Love her.

· On Monday night (August 27) - I saw the infamous Leonardo DiCaprio roll in to the Viper Room at about 11:15pm wearing jeans, a black long sleeved shirt and a brown tweed newsboy cap. He was alone.

He watched the band - Blackcowboy - whom he's had perform at events and in a movie he produced.

But then I saw Kevin Connolly running down the strip to meet up with his buddy, Leo.

· It's been the week of middle-aged-transitioning-to-older tough white guy actors. Today (8/30) at Clementine Jon Voight snagged our table as we got up to leave. He was quite smiley and friendly enough for an irascible type. Might need to lay off the facial cosmetic treatments, though; he's looking a little plasticized.

And forgot to report — Tommy Lee Jones walking into Orso this past Sunday around lunchtime.

· Tuesday, Aug 28. Café Stella in Silver Lake: Michael Cera on a romantic dinner date with Mandy Moore. Cripes, you can have Valderrama and Braff, Mandy, but do you really need Cera too? He was supposed to be my boyfriend, but I had the decency to wait until he sprouted some more pube before making my big move.

· at the 8/29 wilco show at the greek theatre... c-level sightings of eddie kaye thomas (american pie epics and fox's unwatchable 'til death) and perry reeves (ari's shrewish wife on entourage). but classing the place up was cougariffic ellen barkin...

· I guess seeing celebs at the Dodgers Dugout Club is like shooting fish in a barrel, but, August 28th game, end of the seventh, we see owner Frank McCourt and a lot of security in the bar and then the front of David Arquette and the back of Courteney Cox Arquette. Boy, is he good looking in person! Courteney, your work here is done.

And as we were leaving, Powers Boothe in the cheaper seats. Do I get any points for that one?

· Tuesday August 28 at Spaceland. Tiny and cute Kirsten Dunst, and an equally tiny but not as cute Olsen twin (God help me, I have no idea which one). They rocked out a bit to King Straggler, but didn't see them after that. It was a benefit for a very cool local theatre company, so thanks Kiki for (most likely inadvertently) supporting the arts! Also many Deadwood/John from Cincinnati alums - since John Hawkes (Sol Starr) is in King Straggler. Dayton Callie, Paula Malcomson, Garret Dillahunt...but this is for "celebrities" not "brilliant semi-recognizable character actors" right?

· 8/27 - Jonah Hill, just standing on the corner of Fairfax and Oakwood near the Out of the Closet thriftstore, using his cell phone. I had the distinct feeling EVERY CAR passing him was going 'hey, it's the kid from Superbad, you know, the one not from Arrested Development' as they drove past this busy corner.

· Out for some Labor Day frozen yogurt to ease the pain of the sweltering heat in the valley, I instantly recognized the easily identifiable tattooed-ness of Joel Madden and then realized that the girl in front of him was Nicole Richie. They were headed into the Coffee Bean next to Studio Yogurt at Laurel Canyon and Ventura. Satisfying some pregnancy cravings?

· Sunday, Aug 26th...A cornucopia of celebrity sightings. Adam Levine and Clea DuVall, both at Mustard Seed Cafe on Hillhurst, dining separately. Levine is hotter than expected, she looks just like she's looked the 9,000 other times I've seen her in Los Feliz. That afternoon at The Grove, saw Tim Meadows on my way into the movies, where I then saw Seth Green (cue the standard: "he's so short!" reaction) at the afternoon showing of Superbad. Post-movie (loved it, btw. Viva Michael Cera), went to Barney's Coop and saw Kirsten Dunst, where the cashier loudly and embarrassingly thanked Dunst for shopping there. Ugh.

· Eric Dane and Rebecca Gayheart at Cafe Mauro for a late Saturday lunch. With four Hipster friends. They both looked very east coast preppy (baseball hats, chinos, white Ts). But left looking very Hollywood/Bling in a black Caddy DTS with chrome shoes.

· Sunday night/ August 27th- Vanessa Williams and Rick Fox with kids at California Adventure's Vineyard Room restaurant. Rick only person in the room not to get up and watch the Electric Light Parade that passed right in front of the restaurant. Good for them though, even with a divorce keeping family trips for the kids.

· Tough guys like Pinkberry, too! 104 degrees on Thursday 8/30 around noon at Pinkberry in Studio City. Iron Mike Tyson dressed smartly in a fedora and that unmistakable face tattoo. Now my boyfriend can't just say that Pinkberry is "just for chicks".

· Sunday, August 26th. Heading back to LA from Aspen, television's sassiest neighbor from Minneapolis, Rhoda Morgenstern aka Valerie Harper, seated in first class, chatting and laughing with her fellow cabin mates. She looked great however, I was disappointed when she went into the "see me, recognize me" vintage actress routine of gabbing loudly on her Jitterbug and gesticulating wildly outside the terminal while looking for her ride. Simmer down, Rhoda. Simmah down now!

· Aug. 30: Apparently, my last minute, un-planned "quiet date night" at the Chateau was the idea of the day. Also on "dates" were Bungalow regular Dominick Dunne, NASCAR's Jeff Gordon with a woman friend, and Rachel Zoe.

· Wednesday (8/29) - Annoying lunch-time Beverly Center traffic, in line to make a left-turn at 3rd onto La Cienega; I look in my rear-view mirror, it's Suge Knight looking equally pissed in his gleaming off-white custom Land Rover. Needless to say, I made a very quick and efficient left as soon as I got the arrow. As he drove by I was a little surprised he had plates on it, let alone standard issue.

In today's episode: James Gandofini; Renee Zellweger; Kid Rock and Rev Run; Mike Binder; Lindsay Lohan; John Krasinski; Jennifer Aniston, Courteney Cox, David Arquette, Barry Manilow and Suzanne Somers; Paul Thomas Anderson, Maya Rudolph, Illeana Douglas, and Matt Walsh; Johnny Knoxville; Justin Chambers; Marley Shelton; Rebecca De Mornay; Ben and Fred Savage, Niecy Nash; Diane Delano; Tia Carrere; Lauren Conrad; Michael Moloney; and Jeremy Sumpter.

· 7/20/07 10:40 am: tony soprano (james gandofini) at whole foods - santa monica. Tony was by himself and pretty much on the phone the whole time.

· A few sightings this weekend:

7/21 - After foolishly dropping a lot of $ on sweats on a hot day in Malibu, I perked up when I spotted awesome family man and rap legend Reverend Run walking around with Kid Rock. Whatever they were up to, they looked like it was serious business.

7/22 - Leaving the Starbucks at Wilshire and Santa Monica, I passed Renee Zellweger getting out of her little silver Mercedes. She looked tiny and naturally beautiful in a little black dress and big black sunglasses. Later that day, I ran into Mike Binder grabbing a bite with one of his kids at the Century City food court.

· On Saturday 7/21, while waiting to see the Big Game Hunters sketch comedy show, tons of paparazzi we around the corner at Pop Killer. The celebrity in question was none other than Lindsay Lohan.

· Saturday 7/21: Having an amazing dinner at Giorgio Baldi in Santa Monica with my boyfriend and his family when we noticed that Courteney Cox, David Arquette and Jennifer Aniston were sitting two tables away from us! David is terribly sexy, but shovels his food into his mouth in a not very sexy way, and Courtney and Jen were pretty but too skinny, as is expected. At the table next to them was Suzanne Somers, looking like she's had too much work done, we were all commenting that the Thigh Master must've made her a pretty penny over the years! Also saw Barry Manilow coming in just as we were about to leave.

· I saw John Krasinski from The Office, eating lunch at Ammo on Highland (7/20). He was good-looking in comparison with the behind-the-scenes execs he was sitting with, but he didn't stand out. He wore that same bemused expression that he uses on TV. Maybe he still had shell shock from working with the manic Robin Williams.

· My girlfriend spotted Upright Citizen Brigader Matt Walsh at the free outdoor screening of Boogie Nights in Reseda on Sat. night (07/21). Before the movie started he appeared to be talking to himself, but was on his cell phone earpiece thing. This odd little troll sporting Lynyrd Skynyrd-style facial hair kept approaching him in an obsequious manner.

Even after the event organizer introduced director Paul Thomas Anderson and told everyone to please not talk during the movie, Anderson and yenta girlfriend Maya Rudolph chatted non-stop throughout. He did a live director's commentary, which was less insightful than one might hope for, while she cackled on a cell phone. I considered suggesting to her that I might be able to enjoy the movie if she were to rejoin The Rentals, who happened to be performing at Spaceland that night. If I never hear her annoying laugh again, it will be too soon.

The next day (07/21), girlfriend spots Goodfellas anti-Semite, Illeana Douglas, at the Hollywood Farmer's Market buying tomatoes next to me. Since I don't give a shit about fashion, I will break PrivacyWatch protocol by not reporting what she was wearing. That is all.

· Last night (7-23) around 8:30p I was walking down sunset near gower and saw johnny knoxville and an unidentified friend driving an old blue boat of a car... knoxville, driving, had his cellphone or a small handheld camera and was taking video or pictures of some homeless person pushing a cart... not quite sure what that was all about.

· Sunday 7-22-07 I was in a Santa Monica parking garage elevator with Justin Chambers [green striped polo shirt + chinos], and his wife/lady friend/female assistant. Clean, casual and about 5'10ish in person. Even TV stars park on level 8.

· July 20: On the first day of my first actual visit to LA, I checked out the Hollywood sign from Beachwood Canyon. Afterwards,
as we drove down the winding road, I saw the Beachwood Market and mistakenly thought it was just another fancy-ass house until we got closer and I saw that it was a fancy-ass grocery store. A black BMW or sportscar of some kind pulled up in front of the store and a tall blonde woman stepped out, pretty dressed up. It was Marley Shelton. She was wearing jeans, black heels, a dressy black spaghetti strap top with a chunky gold necklace and had very, very red lipstick on. She also has big, buggy eyes. Looks pretty much the same in person as on screen.

· A week's worth of sightings..

Monday (last) I was driving from Universal and in a big Mercedes with tobacco interior, complete with that damn flower behind her ear, was Niecy Nash from that show where they make you have a yardsale and then pretend that they can decorate your house without using tradeouts. Does she always run around in full makeup with a flower?

Also, it was a hopping afternoon at the Beverly Hills Hotel. I ran in to two Savages (Ben and Fred), who were having a hurang about something haveing to do with a car, then out in the Polo, Courtney Peldon was having lunch with some girl who had the best blonde I've ever seen. I thought maybe I saw Diana Ross, but I think it turned out just to be her hair twin. I was very hair oriented that day.

Tuesday (last) Diane Delano and a blonde girl at Marix and then at Hamburger Mary's in We Ho — they sure get around! (Is it appropriate here to say gee, she sure is popular? get it? like the show?)

Wednesday Tia Carerre and Lisa Ann Warren hosting bingo. Does anyone care about Tia anymore? After a night of ruined ball calling, I sure don't. Hey Mickey you're so fine eh.. not so much.

Thursday I saw teeny tiny little Kristen Chenoweth during my morning run to Starbucks. She has a chin length bob and favors teeny tiny white shorts that say "Pink" on the boot.

Friday I had a hangover and didn't go outside.

Saturday at the Grove movie theatre I saw Lauren Conrad, taller than I would have imagined in some trite dress (new awesome body, though) standing near the concierge and looking annoyed. She was standing with someone, but other than that the person was a human, I noticed nothing, not even gender. I went to see Hairspray, and I was sitting right behind Rebecca DeMornay and a gaggle of little girls (looked like she was the mom taking the bunch to the movies). Very sweet.

Sunday at The Abbey I saw that guy Michael Moloney (or something like that???) from Extreme Home Makeover showing off his iphone and perfect white teeth.

· I always see Jeremy Sumpter (2003's Peter Pan) at a bowling alley in Studio City. He's all grown up and looks quite good. And as can be expected, he's always with a gaggle of overly made-up girls.

In today's episode: Forest Whitaker; Jennifer Aniston and Courteney Cox; Amaury Nelasco; Evan Handler; David Arquette; Jackie Earl Haley; Jason Lee and Giovanni Ribisi; Luke Perry; Michael Rapaport; Rob Zombie; Dr. Drew Pinsky; Julie Bowen; Ron Leibman; Neil Patrick Harris; Jackie Warner; Jeffrey Ross; Dennis Haskins, Ryan Cabrera and Simple Plan; Henry Rollins; and Kristin Cavallari.

· July 4th - I didn't see any half-naked starlets/socialites, but I did catch an Oscar winner. While having a leisurely late lunch at Shutters, I spotted Forest Whitaker and his lovely family enjoying a stroll toward the Santa Monica Pier.

· July 4th Eve - 4 network stars. Walking across the Sunset Tower/Tower Bar driveway my 6'2" friend by my side enjoyed a sighting reserved for the tall. He peered in to the burkha-like slit in a black Range Rover's driver side window to spy NBC's Jennifer Aniston attempting to turn left on to Sunset while lighting up a smoke. Courteney Cox riding shotgun. (9:50 PM). Later at the opening of Charcoal at the Arclight complex, FOX's Amaury Nelasco (Prison Break) was lurking in the back corner (navy button down, dark jeans, platinum chunky chain, bald head). The owner attached himself at the waist to him all night, but Amaury had no friends in sight. Blonde chick in a white dress who "kinda" knew who he was was "kinda" trying to get on him. He left without her. But the Emmy worthy sighting of my night was "Dave", Hurley's imaginary friend from the mental ward from ABC's "Lost". (Evan Handler). He was at Lubavitch, the "I didn't get in to Winston's" bar on Santa Monica early (10:15 ish), drinking Stella Artois bottles, wearing a maroon button down that oddly matched the bartenders', and sitting by himself at the bar waiting for a brunette he eventually left with. Being all boozy, I initially thought it was Howie Mandel. So all of Defamer loves Kiefer...but this Defame-whore is officially sporting his kitson T-shirt as Team Lost. (P.S. C'mon CBS, get with it.)

· 7-1 I was having brunch at Geoffrey's in Malibu this past Sunday when low and behold Courteney Cox and David Arquette walk in. They were both very incognito and funny enough I recognized David Arquette before Courtney, who looked like she's had one too many cigarettes. After that my friends and I decied to have a drink over at Moonshadows and I spotted Jackie Earl Haley lounging around and enjoying his sunday.

· 1. On Sunday, July 1, I see this white trash cowboy saunter into trendy Silverlake tapas joint Malo. Who is this guy in a long sleeved checkered button-down mixing with boys in skinny jeans? It's Jason Lee, cutely staying in "Earl" character...looks like he just walked off Stage 3 or whatever. He sits down at a big patio table, where a 7 year-old type is annoyingly waving an iPhone. Wife? is refreshingly normal looking, as she plops down next to Earl, with a kid or two in tow. Quickly, I scan the rest of the table. Where is his permanent sidekick? Damn it - he's solo this time? "No that's Giovanni Ribisi right there," my husband sighs. Huh? Perhaps in an unnecessary disguise, so as to fool Defamer operatives, Ribisi has a giant fro happening, and a thick mustache..Sort of a weird 70's Burt Reynolds/last year's Phil Spector hybrid.

2. On Thursday, July 5, at around 7 p.m. or so, saw Luke Perry in a ballcap at mid-Wilshire Irish bar Tom Bergin's. Sat down at the wraparound bar, surrounded by some other can't-place dudes. Totally seems like he'd be fun to grab a beer with - seems to be aging better than a lot of those 90210 kids.

· 7-5 So I'm eating a delicious turkey on cheese and jalapeno bagel sandwich outside Sam's Bagels on Larchmont when the couple two tables away starts having a full-blown argument. My lunch cohort and I had noticed that it was that curly-haired New York-accented actor Michael Rapaport. We went about our lunch until we honestly couldn't talk normally, so we left. He needs a haircut b/c his shaggy curls draw attention to his bald spot, but it's nice to see he's tall. She looked good.

· Sunday (7/01) I took my in-from-out-of-town mother to the Pinkberry on Larchmont. In line behind us was Rob Zombie and his wife. When we left the store I had to explain to her who he was several times; she declared that he "didn't look like someone who would be famous." Then Monday morning I was dropping her off at the Burbank airport, when she recognized Dr. Drew Pinsky unloading the car in front of us with his family. It was really surprising that she recognized him before I did... I hope she's not been calling into Love Line with questions about... *Shudder*

· July 4th, around 1pm, spotted Julie Bowen sitting at a cafe along Vermont, possibly Figaro's or whatever it's called. The one by the theatre that isn't Fred 62 or the Italian place. Anyway, she was smiling/laughing while at one of the outdoor tables. Saw her as I walked past and thought, "She's pretty." Then thought, "WAIT, she was Jack's wife on Lost!" Spent the rest of the block trying to remember her name. I know it's not Keifer, but it is Los Feliz.

· Wed. 7/4, LAX: Ron Leibman, smoking outside the Delta terminal in a full suit and a leather-like tan. In pointing him out to my husband, I instinctively blurted out, "Kaz!" What can I say, that show made an impression on my 9 year-old self.

· Reality fitness guru Jackie Warner (Bravo's "Workout") spent the Fourth of July at the Abbey in West Hollywood, drinking and (gasp!) smoking.

I keep seeing Neil Patrick Harris in the locker room at Equinox West Hollywood these days in that late afternoon time slot before all the office dwellers come and ruin the vibe. He seems more cheerful lately and is being friendly to fellow patrons all of a sudden.

· The Fourth of July. 101 Coffee Shop, enjoying some Cuban corn on the cob and an espresso milkshake at the counter, Comedy Central roast MC and filthy poet Jeffrey Ross saunters in with three other men.

· Metal Skool last night at the Key Club (july 2nd), the highlight was Dennis Haskins, Mr. Belding of Saved By the Bell fame himself...not only was he super bloated, but he had the nerve to get up on stage and sing Journey's "Don't Stop Believin", mildly attempt Alice Cooper, and creepily check out the underage valley girls on stage during the last song. I've been told he's done this before, and it's all on youtube...so what the hell? The band kept calling him Richard and asked him what he thought of Screech's sex tape. It was great. Also in the crowd was Ryan Cabrera walking back and forth constantly from the vip area with a hat on what looked like day 4 of not washing his hair. He had a posse of girls. And to top it off, Simple Plan was there as well. if anyone remembers, they made a mild impact during the height of blink 182, sum 41, and all the number bands. I guess cover bands attract C listers...?

· july 3rd Henry Rollins at the Sunn 0))) show, el rey theatre. Looked hot.

· My date recognized Kristin Cavallari at The Pig on La Brea. Apparently she was in some kind of reality show on the music television channel. Not sure who she is but she was with a guy who was such an uber-douche he left a trail of vinegar from the street.

In today's episode: Colin Farrell; Robert Downey, Jr., Gary Shandling, and Kevin Pollack; Lisa Kudrow, Courteney Cox, and David Arquette; Brian Grazer; Michael Richards; Jason Lee and Jason Segel; John Krasinski and Adam Scott; Roger Avary; Jay Mohr and Nikki Cox; and Chris Owen.

· 6/25 - About 10 pm, jumping into the least comically long line at Hollywood/Western Ralph's, fairly checked out after a long work day. Only after vaguely registering an Irish brogue on the tatted, muscle-shirted, pork-pied gentleman in front of me, i do notice he was about to leave his milk jug behind. He returns to grab it after cashier & I shout him down, and he is then obviously Colin Farrell, with a hardy "thanks then, mates" for us. Being at least a mile from any fashionable locale and being above-average male height seems the ultimate combination to fly under the radar, or no one had seen "Tigerland" on the late shift.

· Went to the Police show at Dodger Stadium (6-23). I had great seats so I started looking for celebs and was initially disappointed when the only person I recognized was the obviously mentally challenged Cousin Sal from The Jimmy Kimmel Show. Then I spotted Gary Shandling, Robert Downey, Jr. , and Kevin Pollack. Not too shabby.

· Went on Thursday 6/21 to One on Sunset. Lisa Kudrow was there having dinner with her husband and another older-ish couple that aren't famous. She's much prettier in person. Her husband went the sweater around the shoulders route. I bit later Courteney Cox and David Arquette dropped in. They were both much better looking and even tinier than I would have imagined. Courtney spoke with Lisa and other friends, while David spent the entire time running back and forth talking on his phone. While we were waiting for the valet an Escalade swooped up, David jumped in and the driver screeched off. Maybe Coco needed a parent to come home?

· Saw Brian Grazer at Glu Gallery's "Everything Must Go" opening on Beverly last night (6/23). Scariest part? Your giant Grazer head shot is actually life size....that dude is tiny!

· More than 10 years of going down to the Third Street Promenade on a regular basis, and I finally had my first celebrity sighting down there last Sunday the 24th - and boy, was it a good one. Walking down Santa Monica Blvd. toward the beach at around 2 p.m., I passed ex- Kramer Michael Richards, who was carrying a bunch of shopping bags and looking a bit winded as he went his not-so merry way. Being of the Negro persuasion myself, I resisted the immediate temptation of pointing at the doghouse-residing star and shouting ... well, you know.

· The Two Jasons: On the way to the House of Pies last Sat. (June 23) I spied Jason Segel (How I Met Your Mother/Knocked Up) sidewalk seated with a lady friend. On the return trip I passed Jason/Earl Lee puffing on a cig at the Prospect and Vermont car wash. Kept my eyes peeled for Priestly, Patric and/or Schwartzman but no luck.

· 6/23 - Walking out of the movie theater at the Grove, I spotted Adam Scott (I had to look him up and I bet you would have too - he was the gay friend in Monster-In-Law and the male nurse in Knocked Up). He's cute. Minutes later, I was walking into AOC when my current crush John Krasinski brushed past me on his way out. Seriously cute and oh so talented. He looked like he was maybe with an industry type couple and a nice looking older couple who could have been his parents. The older gentleman graciously complimented the hosts on the wonderful dining experience, so he couldn't have been from here because we're not that nice.

· 6-23 I'm shopping at Whole Foods in Santa Monica and who do I spot in the vegan raw food section but the Academy Award winning writer of Pulp Fiction and director of The Rules of Attraction, Roger Avary. He looked good (blond and semi-fit), but he was talking to himself like a homeless person, muttering things like "this for me" and "body likes this" in a voice that was a little too loud. I looked for a Bluetooth headset, but saw none. His cart was full of various raw food items, like pizza made out of cashews and other things gross, and he must have been there for at least 15 minutes agonizing over what goofy food item pleased him more. Then, very clearly, he half shouts "Damned Nazi's — DIE!" I have no idea what was irking him so, but it scared me enough to turn and walk away.

· went to see the Police @ Dodger Stadium last night, 6/23. while waiting in line for a margarita, noticed JAY MOHR + NIKKI COX walking by. he was working a '70s porn star 'stache. which makes sense, since NIKKI has over-inflated Juvoderm porn star lips. looked like he was following her around like a puppy dog. so sad.

· 6/24/07 stopped into Chipotle at the Grove and see none other than Chris "The Sherminator" Owen (I definitely had to Google him) waiting in line. He was waiting to pick up a special order quesadilla (why?). Looks exactly like he does in the movies, which is sort of unfortunate for him.

The theatrical release of David Arquette's The Tripper is soon upon us, the first horror movie to our knowledge to feature a Ronald Reagan-impersonating ax murderer (not counting 1953's criminally overlooked Bloodbath For Bonzo). As a low-budget horror producer without joint access to his far more successful wife's bank account, Arquette is always on the lookout for creative viral marketing ploys that cost no more than the price of four quickly pounded Cape Cods: Behold, then, this remarkable feat of bladder-relieving chirography made available on the movie's MySpace page, in which Arquette scrawls the title upon a New Orleans sidewalk in one fell piss. It's an admirable example of out-of-the-pants promotional thinking, made all the more impressive by the knowledge that Arquette is simultaneously contributing his small part to the re-beautification of areas hit hardest by Hurricane Katrina.

• The Tripper Tour, Pt. 5 [MySpace]

After weathering a flatly written exchange in which Aniston's lesbian character tells Cox, "This is no way to live! You don't deserve to be alone," (oh, the bitter irony), then some innuendo about past dalliances between the characters (four implied times!), and one brushed off ass-grab (easy there, lesbian tiger), we finally get the kiss: A closed mouth cutaway unlikely to moisten the panties of even the show's most incontinent viewers. Have a look, trying not to sigh too loudly over this squandered opportunity to exploit ten seasons' worth of crackling, Sapphic sexual tension.

• Dirt - Courteney and Jennifer kiss! [YouTube]

"Is it 'Bring a Jackal to Work Day'? " Lucy [Cox] says when she sees Tina Harrod (Ms. Aniston), her longtime frenemy and editor of a rival gossip magazine in her office.

Tina fights fire with fake warmth, calling Lucy "sweetie" and mixing solicitude with salacious innuendo. (They kiss on the lips, but briskly.) The finale, which ties up loose ends with over-the-top drama, should be a blast. Yet like Ms. Cox, Ms. Aniston seems to be sleepwalking through her part, not so much enjoying it as enduring it.

We suppose that those truly obsessed with the idea of a proper Monica-on-Rachel hook-up can pray that Dirt gets picked up for another season and Aniston becomes a recurring character; maybe with the pressure of a possible cancellation off, the actresses will allow themselves to relax enough to finally give their dedicated fans the spit-swapping, nonpenetrative televised encounter they've desperately craved since those deliciously tense moments back in their Friends kitchen.

• Frenemies Forever in the Game of Fame [NY Times]
• Courtney Cox Doesn't Want You To Watch Her Make Out With Jennifer Aniston For The Wrong Reasons [Defamer]

In today's episode: Mark Wahlberg, Tom Ford, Courteney Cox, Isla Fisher, Chris O'Donnell, Randy Newman and Wolfgang Puck; Minnie Driver; Gwyneth Paltrow; Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver; Kiefer Sutherland and Scott Ian; Christina Ricci; Ali Larter; Taryn Manning; Heather Mills-McCartney; Michael Rapaport; Laura Dern and Ben Harper; Natasha Gregson Wagner and Ben Harper; Chris Robinson; Harry Hamlin; Sean Stewart and Allan Arbus.

· Spotted at Cut at the Four Seasons Regent Beverly Wilshire last night, in order of appearance:

Mark Wahlberg — surprising to see him already seated when we arrived for our 6 p.m. reservation to nearly empty restaurant. On date with beautiful brunette. We walked right by them en route to our table. Unfortunately, my view was of his back and her front. Midway through their meal, she moved to sit next to him, where I had full PDA views. Upon their departure, I noticed that he was not very tall... nor was she.

Tom Ford — He arrived alone and I was sitting very close to him and had perfect view of him entire night. He faced me so no problem gawking. He looked quite bored at first, munching on breadsticks to keep busy. Someone came from kitchen and brought him back for tour. Later, he was joined by agent/business manager/ publicist looking woman. He had shirt unbuttoned to navel and sport coat.

Chris O'Donnell — he was out with his wife and two other well-dressed couples. All boys wore coats and ties. They were served sliders... not on menu. I also had perfect view of Chris throughout evening with no need to crane my neck; he faced me.

Randy Newman — I couldn't gawk too much as he was seated at table next to me. My boss was just next to him. His table did stare at our desserts when they came out and I know they were talking about them. I love L.A. !!

Isla Fisher (Wedding Crashers and Sacha Baron Cohen fame) sitting next to Courteney Cox. They were sitting at the table where Mark Wahlberg had sat when we arrived. Courteney and Isla faced me. I had perfect view of Courtney without having to look too hard. They were at the table behind Tom Ford. I couldn't see faces of their friends (blonde woman and dark haired guy).

Wolfgang Puck himself — we first viewed him greeting tables. I thought he has certain tables he must visit — celeb / important people tour. But, no, he came to our table too, shook our hands and thanked us for joining him. How's that for p.r.?

This topped my Minnie Driver at brunch sighting on Sunday at BLD.

· Gwyneth Paltrow, Tuesday, in the Pulp 'n Hide candy shop next to the Brentwood Country Mart, apparently channeling the same rainy day sweet tooth as me and my girl. Dressed in skinny jeans, and a black sweater, her hair was pulled back and Apple was on her hip. Didn't want to inspect too closely - got the grew-up-in-Malibu, B.F.D. thing down pat. Perhaps because the seas didn't part in her presence - the proprietor, whose face registered celebrity recognition, was in no hurry to finish up with me and my daughter - I detected some slight hostility from Miss "I am so blessed."

Her half pint kept asking what kind of jelly beans she was going to get, and what color they were going to be. The place is cramped, and we were standing at the counter, where the jelly bellies are. When we were paying, Apple again asked about her choices, and Gwyneth this time said, "Wait until these people move out the way, and then we can see," but the key words "these people" and "move" were distinctly lacking the pleasant vocal inflection that you might expect from a mere plebe.

But no hostility was directed towards her offspring. Instead there was plenty of smothering mothering. Lots of kisses and assorted terms of endearment. No, no one can love child like Gwyneth.

· Sunday March, 18th 11:30 am-ish - spotted Arnold "the Governator" Schwarzenegger and skeletor wife Maria Shriver with family, no doubt AFTER church services, having brunch at Ivy at the Shore. Sadly, everyone there resisted the urge to tell him "I"LL BE BACK"

· 3/19 at Mat Kearney/Rocco DeLuca show at HOB: Kiefer Sutherland skulking around Foundation Room, trying to look important (isn't he Rocco's manager? No Christmas trees in sight, sadly). Scott Ian (Anthrax) hanging out at the FR bar with a lady. He must be an FR member, as all the bartenders seemed to know him and he was INCREDIBLY nice and looked totally the same in person as he does in pictures and TV. Also, some guy in a bunny suit was rocking out like I had never seen to Rocco. He should be a celebrity.

· Spotted a surprisingly short Kiefer Sutherland hanging out in the Foundation Room at the House of Blues on Sunset last night (Mon, 3/19). His band, Rocco Deluca, was performing (along with Matt Kearney & The Feeling). I had rail access for this show until a few hours before I rolled down to the venue, have a feeling word that Jack Bauer & Co. would be rolling through caused me to lose my spot. I would be offended, but he provided enough eye candy while I got my drink on at the bar to make up for it.

· Thursday March 22nd Starbucks Gower & Sunset

Buying a morning coffee who should I spot but the little bundle of Joy that is Christina Ricci. Looking casual yet stunning.

I assumed she was open to a little conversation so I looked her way however she put on her sunglasses and looked down so I guess not.

In any case when her drink was up she quickly grabbed it, thanked the barista and headed out.

· This may be too late, but yesterday morning (Monday 3/19) I saw Ali Larter (alone) at the Coffee Bean (Sunset/Fairfax). She was wearing workout clothes, ponytail, was on her cell phone the entire time, no/minimal makeup, looked very pretty.

The night before, Sunday (March 18) saw Taryn Manning with a guy, walking on Franklin in Hollywood around Bronson, by that little strip of shops/restaurants. She looked a bit prettier in person, but was scowling at the people in line for UCB Theater's free Sunday night AsssCat show, which made her face look hideous. Too high heels and an outdated Balenciaga motorcycle bag—canvas/leather mix.

· first time submitter! yay! today, tuesday 20th, 1pm, bev hills. saw heather mills-mccartney walking south on dayton at canon toward her chauffered green (suspenseful inhale)... trailblazer. yeah. i said trailblazer. she was wearing the skinniest black lycra pants imagineable; at least down to the knee, where they flared out dramatically around 3 inch wicked witch of the west boots. i noticed she was limping and thought, 'aw, tiny dancer!"; then promptly cursed myself for forgetting the whole leg thing. oops.
good: it appeared she brownbagged lunch. or lady likes her leftovers.
bad: go go gadget nostrils. i never noticed their spectacular flair.

· On Saturday afternoon I saw Michael Rapaport of The War At Home and Beautiful Girls walking down Larchmont outside of Jamba Juice. He was walking towards me on the street and when we made eye contact and he realized I recognized him he crossed the street! Get over yourself buddy. I don't care enough about you and your d-list ass to interrupt my run for an autograph. He should be thrilled he's even recognized. As Stephanie Tanner would say "How rude!"

· Tuesday 3/20 'round 2pm - Laura Dern and Ben Harper meeting up with some regular folk at Joe's Diner on Main St in Santa Monica. Ben was in dark pants and a plaid flannel shirt and ballcap and Laura was in dark jeans and a black quilted ski parka. I think she's in her 40s, but her skin is amazing. She looks maybe 35.

· Today (March 22) on Arizona Ave and 20th St in Santa Monica, on the sidewalk I saw very small and cute Natasha Gregson Wagner filming something or other. When I passed by again, I walked right by some really old hairy dude in sunglassesa and a baseball cap who *might* have been director/photographer Larry Clark. I guess he's making a movie with her? As of today imdb begs to differ...

· 3/18/07 at Whole Foods on Ventura Blvd. in Woodland Hills around 8pm. Chris Robinson from the Black Crowes at the cash register. Tall, scraggly, and thin, but looked clean. The dude must be around 6'3". It was packed at WF, but he waited in line patiently just like the rest of us. Couldn't see what he was buying b/c I was three registers away. I remember somebody ripping on him earlier for living in the West Valley, but there are a ton of studios up in the hills of Woodland Hills. I've seen Stephen Perkins (drummer for Jane's Addiction) and other musicians at WF before.

· After seeing "300" for the second time, I was walking with my boyfriends family at the Calabassas Commons, only to notice Belle Gray, Lisa Rinna's store. Just as I was explaining to them who Lisa Rinna was, Harry Hamlin and their children walked by. He is a very slight man, good-looking, but slightly manorexic. Their kids are really cute.

· I am so excited that I get to send this in:
Driving up Beverly Drive in Beverly Hills on Saturday, March 17th and pulled up next to Sean "Rod's Son" Stewart. He was driving a black BMW. He looked too young and cute in spite of all the tatoos. I pointed him out to my bf but he just figured he was some rocker. But I knew he had to be some kind of celebrity. We both work in the biz but couldn't figure it out. Then I saw a promo for Son's of Hollywood last night. Eureka! Gotta write to Defamer!

· 3/22 While I'd never give up a big star unless they cut in line, took my parking spot or pulled a "do you know who I am?" since I think celebrity obsession is part of the vapid, snarky downfall of America - okay, that's my "I'm better than you" disclaimer - but I swear I just saw M*A*S*H's Major/Dr. Sydney Freedman and ubiquitous guest star himself Allan Arbus, hubby of the late Diane (impress your friends with the correct pronunciation: "Dee-ann!") and pop of Amy (pronounced "Amy" - you'd think they would have been more creative) at the Brentwood post office. The guy looks damn good for an IMDB-researched 89 years, proving the value of years of weekly fictional sitcom psychotherapy, I suppose. That is all. (that's a M*A*S*H reference, kids!)

In today's episode: Jennifer Aniston, Courteney Cox and Al Pacino; Meg Ryan; Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez; Chris Rock, Lionel Richie, Kelly Lynch, Mitch Glazer and Elvis Mitchell; Katherine Heigl, T.R. Knight and Justin Chambers; Avril Lavigne and Deryck Whibley; David Caruso; Jared Leto; Tyra Banks; Jason Alexander; Rip Taylor; Seth Green; Eric Clapton; John C. Reilly; Jillian Barberie; Bradley Cooper and Jennifer Esposito; Steven Bochco; Paris Hilton; Zachary Quinto; Tim Curry; Justin Berfield; Jill Hennessy; Jeffrey Jones; Oscar Nunez and Kiersten Warren.

· So, apparently there's this little Italian place below the sidewalk on Beverly just east of Robertson called Madeo's. Who knew? Jennifer Aniston, Courteney Cox, and Al Pacino all do and were all there last night getting their dinner on. Cox arrived first with kid(s) (i think only one belonged to her), and looked radiant in a Bride Of Skeletor kind of way. Aniston met her later, and looked radiant in a Queen Of The Emaciated Goddesses kind of way. Then Pacino slid into the booth and they all had a crazy threesome. Just kidding. Pacino was with less attractive people and looking batshit insane.

· Today, Feb. 13 @ approx. 2:20pm - saw Meg Ryan @ La Provence Patisserie & Café on Olympic in BH. She was wearing baggy green cargo-esque pants, big sunglasses and disheveled long hair mostly covering her face, but not those amazing lips of hers. While waiting for her salad to-go and beverage, she played with her phone/pda. Very sweet and unassuming, she exited with her order and took off in her silver BMW 550.

Feb. 6th @ approx. 10:15pm - saw Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez waiting for their cars at the Beverly Hills Peninsula Hotel valet. QT was speaking to Robert in his typical rapid-fire delivery, and Robert mostly listened. QT drove off in a fairly new yellow Mustang and Robert in a black Mercedes 350.

· It was an interesting night at the Sunset Tower Bar tonight (2/13). First I noticed Lionel Richie at the bar with an unidentified woman. (I think he and friend closed the place down, since they were still there as we left late.) Dmitri, the super skilled maître d' who's got a subtle Lois Weisberg/Howard Rubenstein thing going on, introduced Lionel to Kelly Lynch and Mitch Glazer as they were leaving. Then Elvis Mitchell was there interviewing Chris Rock. If only a crew from "Iconoclasts" had been in the room to capture some of these encounters.

· I saw Katherine Heigl, T. R. Knight and Justin Chambers last night at Figaro on Vermont Street in Los Feliz. T.R. Knight was eating steak tartare and, according to the waiter, comes in all the time Katherine Heigl. I don't know if this is like some secret celebrity spot, because I also saw Avril Lavigne with her husband (Deryck Whibley) there on Sunday for brunch (I obviously go there a lot).

· Friday 2/16 @ 1:00pm - David Caruso crossing the street on Roxbury Drive (cross street Wilshire) and hopping into a Silver Mercedes with a female driver. Wearing a sport jacket with jeans and the mandatory sunglasses. Can't miss the red hair though.

· 2/9 Jared Leto at the Roxy watching Chris Hall of Stabbing westwards new locally formed band "The Dreaming". He hung out in the seating area while they played and Chris kept making jokes about how they'd like to go on tour with 30 seconds to mars.

· On Sunday afternoon I was sitting at the little 'cafe' area in the Hollywood Trading Post at Fairfax and Melrose, listening to the jazz band while friends shopped. I saw this tall beautiful black woman about 10' away and it took me awhile to actually realize it was Tyra Banks, and not some 10 cent lookalike. I wasnt convinced at first since she was very conservatively dressed: Boots, tight, chic blue jeans, a tasteful gray sweater and her hair was in a bun. However, after several people walked and then whispered in each others ears saying "Its Tyra!" it wasthen and only then I realized it was indeed Ms. Top Model herself. She has crazy looking eyes in person.

· Yesterday (2/12), driving on Little Santa Monica at Camden...I'm cruising through the intersection, when this schmuck on his cell phone steps out of the crosswalk and begins to go. i didn't even have time to hit the horn, i just slammed on the brakes and hoped for the best. the guy doesn't even look up at me, but he just sort of instinctually goes back to the sidewalk, all the while talking on the cell. i shoot him a dirty look as i drive by, and i realize... I almost killed Independent George!! Stupid JASON ALEXANDER. He needs to watch where he's going, or he'll end up deader than Kramer's career.

Also, this past Saturday (2/10) at the LA Fitness on La Cienega, I saw RIP TAYLOR working out wearing a baseball hat that said "RIP" across the front. Unfortunately, there was no confetti to be seen anywhere.

· Saw "Robot Chicken" impresario Seth Green at Fred Segal Melrose on Saturday. He was being doted on by two hottie stylist-types and a salesman, neither of whom kept him from fretting over the contrast between a blazer and a shirt. I still wish he woulda kicked the crap out of Ari in last season's Vegas ep of "Entourage."

And in the "Stars! They're just like us!" department, Eric Clapton did at least two consecutive weekend gigs at the laundromat on 3rd and Sweetzer, washing his own duds and keeping to himself. Hopefully, this means there'll be a "Clapton Live From the Fluff-N-Fold" double cd in stores this coming Christmas.

· John C Reilly at the LA Derby Dolls (Fight Crew vs Tough Cookies) on 2/10. Best sport ever!

Jillian Baberie behind me on the 405 South merging onto the 101 West 2/13 around 10:30. Must have just gotten off work.

· Bradley Cooper and Jennifer Esposito at Urth Cafe in Santa Monica, 2/11. They looked very much like a nice married couple out for a casual rumpled Sunday brunch, except it was Monday. I briefly considered crashing into Jennifer, just to feel something, but opted instead to eat my damn salad.

· Ah, another asshole celebrity entitlement moment. Leonine Steven Bocho sitting in his grey Mercedes sedan in the middle the Cloverfield/Olympic intersection at the height of rush hour blocking two left turn lanes that had a green arrow. When I gave him a "can you move" look, he shrugged a "deal with it" shrug, world weary. So I rolled down the window, and said "Cop Rock!" Seemed more cutting than "Fuck you."

· Driving down Melrose at 1:45am on Saturday night, I saw a Bentley flying in the same direction, swerving in and out of lanes. My friend said, "I guarantee that's Paris Hilton" right as the car drifted into the left lane while the right turn signal flashed. We pulled up next to the car at a red light and sure enough, Paris turns and looks right at us, jamming out to her music. Shocking she ever got a DUI...

· Saturday, 2/10, noon -

While volunteering at the South L.A. Animal Shelter during their Valentine's Day Adoption weekend, I spotted Zachary Quinto- aka Sylar from NBC's "Heroes" - coming in the shelter to help out. It could have been a photo-op, but still it's nice to know he's a hero off-camera.

· February 11, just in time for Valentine's Day, I saw Tim Curry aka Dr. Frankenfurter at the Hollywood Farmer's Market. I liked him better personally in "Clue" but either way it was not a good look as he had picked up weight and just happened to be stuffing his mouth full of food while waddling through the middle of the market. I normally don't comment on people being fluffy, but chewing with your mouth open is just in poor taste. Boo!

· Actor Justin Berfield (Malcolm in the Middle) texting his fingers off on his blackberry while sitting in the Delta Crown Room at LAX, interrupted moments later as two other people joined him.

· It's been a full week.........saw Bob Saget being as polite as he could be to his seatmate in first class, who started the conversation with, "Hey, I know you, who are you?" It went downhill from there. Bob was flying back from some gig in St. Louis (Sunday morning) to LAX.

Saw Jill Hennessy of Law and Order at the Patty Griffin show at the Hotel Cafe........Tuesday night........she's very pretty and waited in line just like the riff raff. The show was awesome, although overcrowded with lots of music industry types, making me feel very claustrophobic.

· Saturday, Feb 10th - My friend and I were eating lunch at the Arclight before our movie when we saw Ed Rooney himself — JEFFREY JONES walking from the parking lot. Didn't look like he was going into the theaters. He was heading straight for Sunset. He was flying solo.

Then on Sunday I saw OSCAR NUNEZ of The Office at Hugo's Restaurant in Studio City/Sherman Oaks. There was quite a wait to get in, since it was brunch time, so he was stuck waiting near the restroom area. Hugo's is the place to see TV stars as I saw Jon Cryer there sometime last year!

· I was at the Farmer's Market on 3rd on 2/10 for breakfast. Seated at one of the outside tables was Kiersten Warren with her husband. She was reading the paper in a blazer. I recognized her and was signaling to my mom who is a huge fan of Desperate Housewives, that she was the lady that got killed in the supermarket! Anyway, we went up to her and she took a pic with my mom. Nice lady, great bod for a gal her age!

"There is no tongue and it is really not a big deal to kiss," the 42-year-old actress tells syndicated TV entertainment show "Access Hollywood" in an interview set to air Wednesday.

"I am not saying, `Don't tune in to watch Jennifer on the show,' because she is fantastic and you get to see us together again," Cox says. "But if you think it is just about a major make-out session, you will be disappointed."

We hope that the executives at FX figure out a fitting way to punish their uncooperative star for trying to derail their ratings-attracting stunt; demanding a three episode arc in which she and Friends sibling David Schwimmer explore the darkest, kinkiest recesses of their sexualities should teach her a much-needed lesson about interfering with the promotion of their series.

• Cox: Aniston TV Smooch Is No `Big Deal' [AP]
• Previously: The One Where Monica And Rachel Finally Make Out A Little [Defamer]

Call them Friends with benefits. You already know that when Jennifer Aniston guests on the March 27 season finale of Courteney Cox's FX drama Dirt, she'll be playing her bosom buddy's archenemy, a rival tabloid editor. But what I've learned — muahaha, exclusively! — is that Aniston's character is a lesbian. What's more, she won't just mouth off to Cox's tightly wound counterpart, she's going to share a liplock with her. An FX rep declined to comment, but Joey Tribbiani had this to say: "Yeah, baby!"

For a cable network so committed to pushing the envelope by exploring exciting new sideboob and strap-on sodomy frontiers, a lesbian-lite kiss seems decidedly safe, even if it satisfies the third most popular Friends slash-fic scenario behind Joey-on-Chandler or Ugly-Naked-Guy-on-Ross couplings. Perhaps FX has one of their edgy surprises in store for us (we've still not had a good night of sleep since Rosie O'Donnell was ravaged on that zebra-skin rug onNip/Tuck), and they'll find a way to work Cox's signature vibrator into that innocent liplock.

• Exclusive: Aniston-Cox Smooch Exposed! [TVGuide.com]
• Previously: FX President Hopes You'll Stick Around Until 'Dirt' Gets Better [Defamer]

In this week's summery episode: Nicole Kidman; James Woods; Vince Vaughn, Jennifer Aniston, Courteney Cox and David Arquette; Clint Eastwood; Matt Damon and Luciana Barroso; Adam Sandler, Jackie Titone and Kelly Lynch; Ricky Martin; Christian Bale, Halle Berry and Josh Hartnett; Hilary Swank; Lindsay Lohan and Harry Morton; Stewart Townsend and Anthony Bourdain; Steve Carell and Nancy Walls; Famke Janssen, Bill Clinton and Steve Bing; Keanu Reeves; Johnny Knoxville; Diana Ross; Matthew Fox; Michelle Rodriguez, Josh Radnor, Jason Segal and Leslie Grossman; The Wayans Brothers; Sam Rockwell, Matthew Lillard, Paul McCrane and Judy Greer; Andy Roddick, Mandy Moore and William Shatner; Naveen Andrews; Steven Segal; Nicky Hilton; Hank Azaria; Bill Maher; Jon Voight; Camryn Manheim; Marcia Cross; Dermot Mulroney; Jules Asner; George Takei; MC Hammer; Bob Saget; Chyna Doll and Patti Davis.

· I saw Nicole Kidman on Robertson and Chalmers in Beverly Hills on August 1st, in the morning walking her dogs. Also, I saw James Woods on Wilshire in a white Infinity.

· Tonight 8/2 at Cut: vince vaughn with jen aniston, courtney cox and david arquette eating all together. vince and jen were clearly a couple. They went outside just the two of them with his arm around her for a minute to smoke a cigarette during dinner. David Arquette looked somewhat normal. Jennifer Aniston looked amazing and Courtney looked a bit plain. They also had their baby Coco with them!

· 7/31 Monday evening 9:45pm. Clint Eastwood carrying two bags of groceries through the parking lot of Whole Foods in Brentwood on San Vicente. Polo shit and nondescript slacks. Looked like your average older guy with the exception of the demonstrative veins and visage.

· West Hollywood. Saturday, 7/29 at 2:30pm. Just exhanged a nod and wave with Matt Damon who was his wife (Luciana Barroso) and baby daughter crossing the street at Kings Road and Santa Monica in WeHo. I was temporarily blocking the crosswalk as I was turning right and reversed to let them pass even before I noticed that it was him. He wore jeans and a dark short sleeved shirt with dark sunglasses. He was very careful, holding his wife and guiding her across while shielding the child with his body from any impending danger from traffic. He waved, nodded, and mouthed thank you to me to acknowledge that he recognized and appreciated the effort/gesture of my backing up. But with 5 darling nieces—especiallly Jordan and Parker—I certainly would have done the same for anyone crossing with a young child!

· 7/28, Arclight, never seen it so crowded. Everyone there to see MIAMI VICE. While waiting in extremely long popcorn line and marveling at the sheer volume of humans streaming past us, I thought to myself, Self, if you do not see a celebrity here tonight, you are just not looking hard enough. And lo, the heavens smiled and there was beautiful Kelly Lynch strolling on by. Afterwards, as we convened with friends in the lobby to discuss whether or not Colin Farrell was supposed to have an occasionally Southern accent in the movie — maybe it was part of his "undercover" work — or if the producers had simply failed to hire a dialogue coach for him and just let him wing it instead, we saw Adam Sandler and wife Jackie Titone in line to buy tickets. They were having a long conversation with the guy at the ticket desk. We speculated that they were probably seeing CLICK. Not to gush, but she is really beautiful. Sandler was wearing a Penn State tee and was very nice to the ticket guy.

7/29, Le Pain Quotidien on Little Santa Monica, Ricky Martin and an entourage that included (we speculated) several family members including his mom, cheerfully obliging a fellow customer who asked Ricky to pose for a picture with his infant twins. Someday those kids will grow up and mom and dad will show them the picture of themselves as infants posing with Ricky Martin, and they will be like, mom and dad, you are dorks, but maybe they will secretly appreciate the effort. Ricky is tall and gorgeous and appears to have a tattoo of Hebrew text circling his upper arm. Waitress was starstruck. I'll admit it: so was I.

· Was in L.A. over the weekend and the only so-called "star" I saw was Adam Sandler (is he still A-list after "Click?") at the Coffee Bean next to Tower Records on Sunset, Saturday, July 29 a.m. in a white t-shirt and shorts looking like an average Joe. He and the young guy he was with (also average) sat right next to me, and I overheard their entire (boring) conversation in which Adam gave the young guy pointers on stand up. As they were leaving, a gaggle of teenage girls came over, shrieking as only teenage girls can, and Adam introduced the young guy as his cousin from Kansas, which made sense - here I thought he was giving all that advice gratuitously — silly me. Adam seemed nice enough and let the girls take pictures with him before driving off in his black caddie. The girls seemed thrilled; I, on the other had, was nonplussed.

· Was dining at Ristorante Giorgio Baldi on 7/30 and caught a celebrity hat trick...Christian Bale and his wife having a quiet meal in a corner booth. They both had beer. Also saw Halle Berry and Josh Hartnett (not dining together).

· It was today 8/1 at 9:30 am, I was walking down Santa Monica Blvd at 2nd street heading toward the ocean. When who should be run walking into the Equinox Gym? None other than two time Oscar Winner Hilary Swank. She was wearing a green lycra top and black lycra bottoms, all skin tight. SCHWING! She looks good in person. No make-up, just all big lipped and big boobied! Great sighting on an otherwise uneventful morning.

· 7/28 - Friday night on my way to see Little Miss Sunshine at Century City saw the star of the movie Steve Carell and his funny wife Nancy Walls walking out of Ben & Jerry's with ice cream cones. So cute. Looked like a date night. You know what's hardly ever mentioned? How good looking this guy is! Seriously. Not Brad Pitt hot. But real guy handsome - not to mention talented and humble - which is so much more attractive. Can't wait for Evan Almighty. Shortly after saw Tom Arnold inside the theater with a gaggle of young women which (sorry, Tom) wasn't quite as thrilling.

· 8/25: karaoke tuesdays at guys... Lindsay Lohan walking through the annoying crowded bathroom corridor/gauntlet. it was almost 2am and she didn't look mightly healthy, as if she may have been on the brink of contracting heat exhaustion or something. Mr andy milonakis was there too, adorable as ever. nicole richie was there the week before singing, ironically, 'baby got back.'

· Saw Lindsay Lohan and Harry Morton at Century City on 7/31. Saw him before her and wondered why he was with another girl until I realized it was Lindsay, she was completely unnoticable.

· Dateline Wednesday, August 3rd: I have a friend in from out of town. England in fact. She desperately wanted to see a celebrity. So I take her to the most reliable celebrity viewing locale in LA: The
Chateau Marmont. We see Stewart Townsend, but my friend had no idea who he is (true, he's really only famous for dating Charlize Theron). Then we see Anthony Bourdain, but she has no idea who he is (I explained he's the American Jamie Oliver). But then? Our prayers are answered. In strolls LINDSAY LOHAN! With a girly entourage (read: a handful of gal pals neither as young nor as pretty as La Lohan); one of whom proceeds straight to the bar and buys Lindsay a glass of wine. Lindsay also had some sort of iced tea, as a "cover", obviously. Lindsay is currently sporting a 'do of orangey blonde hair I wasn't fond of but my British friend and another friend with us thought was acceptable. She wasn't as skinny as I feared but still bony, wearing this pouffy shirt (SEINFELD would be horrified), and either shorts or a very short skirt. I couldn't tell because I was sadly facing AWAY from her and my companions wouldn't let me turn around and gawk. But at one point she passed my line of vision when she went to "visit" with two super skeezoid guys who might have been record producer types...or drug dealers. Mostly I was told Lindsey sat, chain smoked, drank her wine, and texted on her Sidekick. Seriously, who is she texting? Jim Robinson? Needless to say, my British friend was THRILLED, all her friends at home will be jealous of her A++ sighting.

· July 27, the day "The Letter" hit the internets, our heroine Lindsay Lohan partying on through the public shaming by hitting Hyde around midnight. Stumbles in on the arm of hot BF Harry Morton, sits, drinks, goes to smoking patio, smokes, drinks, drinks some of someone else's drink, stumbles out. She looked cute in shorts and not totally wasted (meaning no fleshkini photo shoot-style antics), no extended bathroom breaks, nothing remarkable. Just pure, unadulterated L.Lo at her boozed up best. Dina must be so proud!

· Saw Famke Janssen today at a political event. She was wearing a pretty green dress and black sunglasses on her head. Was with her boyfriend and another girl. She got to cut in front of the security line but still was wanded by the Secret Service. Bill Clinton and Steve Bing were there too. Maybe I should be sending this to Wonkette instead???

· I never see ANYONE good hiking at Runyan even though I read endless accounts on Defamer claiming it's the who's who of celeb sightings. But yesterday, my unlucky streak was broken. We not only saw but briefly mingled FAMKE JANSEN. She is ge-or-geous in real life. Tall and beautiful, with perfect skin and hair. She had a Boston Terrier, and we had one with our group, so the dogs mingled and Famke actually
smiled at us. She hiked with an umbrella to keep out the sun - cute touch.

· The very hot looking Keanu Reeves at the Ilcono - Gelato store on Little Santa Monica Blvd. in Beverly Hills -Monday, July 31st at 3:20 pm- with a nice looking brunette - looked more business than personal. He was very charming and gracious to three teens who were obviously thrilled to meet him. He got up from he table to shake their hands. Very much the gentleman. Major points to him for being so sweet. He clearly made their day. He had a beard, no, not the girl!, Well...maybe. Was wearing a tweed jacket over jeans. Don't understand the jacket since it was over 90 degrees. Nevertheless, he looked very cute and quite tall. DJLA

· Wed. 8/2: At the White Horse on Western, saw Mr. Johnny Knoxville. I think I was having deja vu from a previously read sighting, cuz does this sound familiar: fairly unassuming (the bar was sparse), tho dude has a loud laugh, hanging with two blondes, and spent time happily plugging tunes into the jukebox. And ten times more exciting than the celebrity sighting were the free hot dogs!!

· Friday, 7/28, 1pm. At Pico Restaurant at Shutters at the Beach in Santa Monica. We were having lunch, when my co-worker leaned over to me and pointed out a lady at the entrance who was wearing big sunglasses. He jokingly said, "Hey, it's Diana Ross!" We all laughed a little. Then she walked by our table with her companion. Turns out it really WAS Diana Ross. I guess we sometimes forget that in L.A., that when you think someone looks like a celebrity, there's a good chance it is a celebrity. I had to leave the lunch early, but my dining companions said that as Ms. Ross was leaving, she got her sunglasses caught in her weave before she could finally get them on.

· Thursday, around 6ish, walked down Robertson and saw Matthew Fox, buzz cut and all, having an intense cell phone conversation on the sidewalk just down from the Ivy. He looked pretty damn good.

· At Dominick's friday night the 28th it was a veritable feast of television stars. Josh Radnor and Jason Segal, co-stars on "How I Met Your Mother" having an intense conversation on the side patio. Jason may have smoked 3 packs of cigarettes in under an hour. Just feet away was former "Lost" castaway Michelle Rodriguez sitting, oddly enough, totally alone at 10pm on a Friday night. Appeared to be reading scripts and journaling. The trifecta was complete with WB Queen Leslie Grossman, star of "Popular" and "What I Like About You" getting rowdy on the back patio with what appeared to be a bachelorette party. All I know is someone at her table was wearing some sort of Penis-thru-the-head joke hat. I just calls 'em like I sees 'em people.

· feeling a bit bloated as i left loteria grill at the farmer's market after a great burrito so I almost missed ALL THREE WAYANSES! as they walked past me. Marlon, Keenen and tito [ed. Note: Shawn or Damon] were debating something and walking pretty fast. i think their production office is in the gilmore building, so makes sense they'd be lunching in the hood.

· Last night (Aug 1) at Village Pizzeria on Larchmont, a virtual cavalcade of quirky supporting players strolled in within a span of 5 minutes. First up: Sam Rockwell, wearing giant Maverick style aviation shades; then Freddie Prinze accessory Matthew Lillard; followed immediately by Paul McCrane of ER and Fame; and lastly, quirky character actress Judy Greer, walking with a dog which was so huge it may have technically qualified as a pony.

· At Andy Roddick's tennis match on July 26 at UCLA who did I see in the crowd but his ex girlfriend, none other than Mandy Moore. She was accompanied by an unidentified male friend and, I might add, clapped wholeheartedly whenever Andy made a good shot. She left with her friend about five minutes before the match ended, rushing up the stairs and out of sight.

P.S. William Shatner was also there in the crowd.

· I was on a United flight from JFk to LAX last Thursday afternoon and we had to pass through first class to get to the cheap seats.

Standing there in the third row preening was none other than Sayid aka Naveen Andrews. He was with one of his little bastards (teenage boy about 13) and was focused on watching the ladies pass by and on posing. He looked desperate for attention but my friend and I ignored him.

Actually heard him singing as we got closer.

Also worth mentioning, he was tiny - both height and weight; so much so that from behind, he looks girlish.

· My parents were staying in Santa Monica over the weekend and staying at the Sheraton on 4th and Pico. As I'm waiting for the Valet to bring my car up I notice a squat tan looking guy in front of me sporting a nasty looking jet black pony tail helping his wife or girl friend get into his shitty little RAV4 (the Gremlin of modern SUVs) as he turns towards me I quickly realize who it is: Marked For Death's own Steven Segal. The ever present hawk's feather earing being the major give away. Glancing between the crappy car and Mr. Segal I had to hold back my laughter, guess his energy drinks weren't quite as successful as he'd hoped!

· 8/2 - Driving by the Ivy Wednesday night when a Range Rover pulls out behind me. Odds are it must be someone and it is. Sitting in the passenger seat cigarette in mouth is Nicky Hilton. She's being driven by a smallish person wearing glasses. Couldn't tell if it was boyfriend Kevin Connolly.

· 7/29 about noon, Hank Azaria piloting his gunmetal Aston Martin convertible headed East on Beverly past the Beverly Center, top-down, chatting on the phone (with a handset- how last century) and driving about three miles per hour. Don't know if it was concentration issues or not wanting to mess up his perfectly gelled A-Gay 'do. Whatever it was, when you are dusted by a 10 year old Civic with the sewing machine engine, it's time to hang up and drive. Or switch cars.

· I saw bill maher and this atrocious mess of a whore at Il Cielo tonight (8/29). He possibly had just picked her up off santa monica blvd or wherever it is the black whores hang out these days. Also he's terribly pale. It seemed like they were having some trouble getting a table.

· Saw Jon Voight today (Sunday, 07/30) around 4:30 at the Getty Center museum. He was taking the audio tour with a younger, dark-haired woman, and is definitely looking worse for wear. Poor guy is really looking his age.

· Both Sunday July 30:
Saw Camryn Manheim at Santa Monica Farmer's Mkt.
Saw Marcia Cross at Trader Joe's on Pico.

· Dermot Mulroney at Father's Office:

I was sitting at the bar in Father's Office on Montana last Saturday after 11pm and up steps a dandy guy in a black Fedora hat, Mr Dermot Mulroney. I didn't notice him at first, only his date who was this really plain, annoyingly long-faced girl in a seafoam green cable-knit [cashmere] cardigan. She was just so "on" and smiley but didn't have the stuff so I just thought will she ever shut up. Anyway I guess it was because of Dermot because he was so on and smiley but more at the whole room, and even flashed a flirtatious smile at me. He was short in person (5'10"?), very charming and sexy and young in this boyish manner, Mr. Ready to Play. So anyway he was hot but it was dark in there and I'm a beer fanatic and know that the beer he ordered was not an exotic Belgian but a Sierra Nevada or the likes thereof.

· Well, it's not the greatest sighting in the world but while at the check-out at Long's Drugs in Studio City (a celebrity treasure trove) who should come strolling in but Jules Asner. Very tall and very ordinary looking. No makeup, unwashed hair. I'm thinking: PREGNANCY TEST! But I can't confirm. Isn't it about time she and The Soderbergh had offspring? Last time I saw her she was gliding down the Sunset Strip with hubby and they were in a black Merc. So I dutifully scanned the parking lot and sure enough, amid the beater cars and SUVs was a sleek, black Merc. She's definitely not a natural beauty, but cleans up pretty well. Another poor celebrity pinned by the gaze of an otherwise invisible Defamer operative.

· saturday morning, larchmont village — none other than George "Mr. Sulu" Takei dining with a male companion. shouldn't he be worn out from comic-con?

· Wednesday 8/2: After the hilarity at Upright Citizens Brigade, my girlfriend and I decided to go to the Mel's diner on Sunset. Just as I was telling her how absolutely un-hip Mel's is, she tells me to walk to the bathroom and tell her who I see. I did so and saw none other than MC Hammer with two loud friends. Needless to say, upon my return to the table, I continued my tirade about how un-hip Mel's is.

· Last night (Thursday) at the Stone Rose Lounge at the Sofitel, LA's newest C-list celebrity clusterfuck, saw Bob Saget, not as skeezy as you would think, but still dressed way too young for his age, canoodling with a young blond thing on one of the red velvet recliners. Supposedly Steve Urkel was there, too, although he escaped my detection. Perhaps it was a "TGIF" reunion?

· 7/27, Thursday Evening, Burbank, Burbank Bar & Grill... Karaoke night, Was treated to a very ironic rendition of Hole's "Doll Parts" by the woman they call Chyna Doll. Her breasts looked to be larger than my head and her lips like two burnt hot dogs smeared with gloss. She also kept dancing the whole during other people's attempts at singing although no one else was dancing occasionally someone would dance with her.

· Stood behind Patti Davis (daughter of Nancy and Ronald Regan) at the Pure Beauty on Wilshire and Barrington. Before I realized who it was, I was wondering who this annoying rich white lady thought she was. She was asking the sales clerk if the mask packets she was buying would bleach her skin, at which point, the sales clerk (who I don't think knew who she was) burst into laughter. Actually, she was nicer than I thought she would be, and not as annoying as I initially presumed.

THR's Ray Richmond reports that the website of TV writer/producer Matthew Carnahan was hijacked by hapless "Middle Eastern extremists," who replaced Carnahan's homepage (still down the last time we checked in) with these rather unpleasant images of death and strife from the region and the message, "If You Stop War We Will Be(sic) Stop Hacking." But while the man who will soon broker on-set peace between real-life couple David Arquette and Courteney Cox-Arquette on FX's upcoming Dirt undoubtedly has valuable insights into the crisis in the Middle East, Richmond points out that the hackers probably meant to target Matthew Michael Carnahan, the next entry down on the IMDb search page, the writer of terrorism drama The Kingdom. Then again, this could all just be a ploy by edgy publicists at FX to stir up some viral buzz for their series, "The outrageous celebrity tabloid workplace comedy the terrorists don't want you to see."

• Some Web Servers Are More Secure Than Others [Past Deadline]
• Previously: 'United 93' Message Boards Hacked [Defamer]

"I have issues with getting older, sure," she tells the mag. "There are huge changes in my body and my face, and I obsess over them. I just try to not have too many mirrors around."

Courteney also says that while she doesn't have a problem with those who have plastic surgery, her husband, actor DAVID ARQUETTE, does. "David has a huge problem with it, but I don't. It's hard getting older; it's hard not to be the young one anymore." That, along with Courteney's admitted self-judgment, has led her back to therapy. "I was starting to notice some things, and I wanted to stop judging myself so much ... I'm such a nurturer of others, I thought maybe it was time to start nurturing myself."

Some mental health professionals may disapprove of the band-aid solution of prescribing an aggressive round of facelift therapy to battle existential blues, but then this is Hollywood, where the best way to attack the root of a problem is to address its surface. Look for one-stop happiness clinics to start springing up all over Beverly Hills, where aging, desperately insecure (but still busy!) actresses can see to all their eyelift, tooth-whitening, and molestation-discussing needs, all from the convenience of a single, automatic reclining chair over a 45-minute lunch hour.

• Courteney Cox on Plastic Surgery [ETOnline]

In this week's episode: Aaron Sorkin and Kristin Chenoweth; Jack Black; Sherry Lansing; Kelly Osbourne and Danny Masterson; Paul Haggis; Drew Carey; Rebecca De Mornay; Benicio del Toro; Andrea Bocelli; Gavin Rossdale and Gwen Stefani; Frankie Muniz; Kate Hudson; Quentin Tarantino; Matt Dillon; Adam Brody and Rachel Bilson; Jessica Simpson; Carl Weathers; Adam Sandler and Rob Schneider; Kimberly Stewart and Billy Corgan; Winona Ryder; Hugh Jackman; James Spader; Courteney Cox-Arquette, David Arquette and Coco; Eva Longoria and Mario Lopez; Matthew Perry; Jared Leto; Jay Mohr; Richard Simmons; Ray Liotta; Kevin James; Adewale Akinnouye-Agbaje and Andy Milonakis.

· Sunday, 4/23, was turning onto Crescent Heights from Sunset to park at a friend's apartment when Aaron Sorkin walked in front of my car, then paused in the median to lean against a stop sign, then jaywalked it over to the other side of Crescent. He seemed awed by all the posters hung up at Virgin Records, and was hopefully on a phone headset as he appeared to be talking to himself. The thought occurred to me just a moment too late to invite him along with us, as we were going to order pizza and watch his former show The West Wing. He disappeared into an apartment building, and returned a few moments later with several people I didn't recognize and Kristin Chenoweth. Probably best I didn't get the chance to ask him up, as it was doubtful we had the proper ingrediants for him to make homemade crack.

· Today (Sunday) after brunch at Barney's, spotted Jack Black on his way up the stairs to the fifth floor (good for him— he needs the exercise). He was with a woman I didn't recognize - but who I imagine is, according to IMDB, his brand-new nonfamous wife.

· 5/27/05 Sherry Lansing exiting the Fox Plaza. She looks good for her age. We made eye contact but we both kept on walking in opposite directions. She has a foundation and her offices are there, which is funny since she was the head of Paramount.

5/27/06 Kelly Osbourne and Danny Masterson at the Ringside (Balthazar Getty's band) concert at the Roxy. One of the security walked her through to the VIP section where she climbed into a booth. Her weight looked normal and she came with a group of girls. Danny still has his big fro and he sat at a side table with a skinny no-name girl.

· Paul Haggis @ Peet's Coffee on Montana on Tuesday morning 4/25. He went virtually unnoticed as he ordered some sort of coffee drink and drove off in a YELLOW mini Cooper.

Drew Carey eating alone @ Bob's Big Boy in Burbank/Toluca Lake on Friday afternoon 4/14. Not shorter/smaller in person. There is nothing small about him.

Rebecca De Mornay watching Friends With Money @ the Grove on Friday night 4/14 ... apparently she was alone because she asked if the single seat next to us was taken!

· Saturday, 4/14 at JPs in Wilshire on Santa Monica: saw Benicio del Toro, looking just like a tall, average guy with slightly more under-eye skin than others. My friend talked to him. I was wasted. Saturday, 4/22 at Woo Lae Oak on La Cienega: saw Andrea Bocelli with wife and kids getting up to leave as we were seated. Wife is gorgeous, she held his hand and led him out the door. Aw. Kathy Ireland is sitting across the room, I don't notice her but my friend does. THEN: I almost choke on my bulgogi when Gavin Rossdale and Gwen Stefani walk in! Gwen looked gorgeous, ready to pop and had on a super cute dress, Gavin was just as studly in jeans. They sat in back and ordered tons of food, no one bothered them, but everyone hushed and stared as they got up to leave. They are so cool. I've never felt so uncool in my life. Sunday, 4/23: saw Frankie Muniz and short blond lady friend at Beverly Center, walking around the food court. Nothing to special about either of them. Monday, 4/24: saw Kate Hudson behind Macgowan Hall at UCLA, smoking a cig with two other non-famous people. Or maybe they were famous but I didn't recognize them. Kate was all smiles and laughter, I have no clue what they were doing there, although Macgowan is a theater/film building. Enjoy!

· Saw Quentin Tarantino at Borders in Hollywood, he was with a posse of all black wearing film nerds and one lonely looking Shar Jackson. I stepped outside to get a smoke, and one of Q.T's posse told me he recognized me, and was convinced I was the third member in a threesome he had the night before. I wasn't.

· Late Sunday (4/24) night at Birds on Franklin . Matt Dillon walking back in forth in front of the sidewalk patio section, trying to be noticed. He was noticed all right. Most of the other patrons were laughing at his shameful attempt to be recognized and pick up chicks. He looked kind of good, but could use a haircut.

· Tuesday, April 24

11:00am- Adam Brody and Rachel Bilson getting brunch at Hugos on Santa Monica

11:15am- A sweatpants wearing, bed-headed Jessica Simpson with a female friend I did not recognize getting brunch at Hugos. Looks like it *may* have been a rough night for her.

· Last Saturday (4/22) went five-deep on celebs. First, went to Indian Film Festival at Arclight and while trying to get into my friend's movie nearly ran straight into a giant musclebound black wall incongruously wearing a Kangol hat. Actually, it wasn't a wall, it was Carl Weathers. I gave him a look that said, "Creed is a foot taller than Stallone and definitely got some extra cash for staying down for the 10 count in Rocky II, right?" And he nodded.

Next up at Citizen Smith for dinner encountered the usual Hollywood assortment of vainglorious plastic beauty with the notable exception of a dude in the corner wearing a hat, a puffy ski vest, grey sweatpants and sneakers...Adam Sandler. Sandler and cute preggers wifey were on a double-date with Rob Schneider and some hot blondie, no doubt celebrating the cinematic achievement that is Benchwarmers. I met them ten years ago at a Spoons restaurant in Northern Cali, but didn't bring it up. Schneider is like 5 feet tall, of which 4 feet are just sideburns.

Afterwards, we braved the post-US Weekly cover hype and went to The Dime hoping for the good DJ guy plus after Weathers and Sandler I was hoping to hit the Happy Gilmore trifecta with my longtime love Julie Bowen. Instead, we got weak hip-hop and a highly improbably pairing in the corner: uberfugly Kimberly Stewart with a bemused Billy Corgan. Neither one of them seemed to be having fun. Billy had a Holden Caufield style hat on but couldn't conceal his 6'4"-ish frame. Maybe Kimberly misses Talan and Billy misses C-Love. Anyhoozle, went to a musician-laden but celebrity-free party in Silverlake after that for purification purposes. That is all.

· Saw shopping- errr shoplifiting- queen Winona Ryder at Barneys in BH Sunday 4-23. Not surprisingly, an employee assisting her (i.e. lugging around her gigantic pile of clothes) did not leave her sight the entire time. She is TINY in real life. I overheard her a couple times gushing about how she likes to do laundry. Hmmm, guess stars really ARE just like us!

· 4/23 - While making the rounds at Century City, I spotted the man who's going to own 2006 (XMen 3, The Fountain, Flushed Away, etc.) Hugh Jackman with his family - wife, son, and newly adopted baby girl. They were eating ice cream as Hugh cheered on his son who was climbing a tree. Minutes later, Brat Packer we still love to hate James Spader walked by. He was barely recognizable having packed on quite a few lbs. and wearing quite the frumpy ensemble. He used to look so hot when I'd see him jogging by the Starbucks across from CAA. Please tell me the new look is for a role.

· Finally, my very own sighting! 4/23 at the Beverly Center approximately 11:00am: As my boyfriend and I are taking the escalator up to the 7th floor, adorable Hollywood family the Cox-Arquettes (Courteney, David and little Coco) pass us on their way down. Very casual, normal looking family on a Sunday outting. There weren't many people around and no one was bothering them. On a side note, Courtney did not look at all like her nether-regions were filled with "dried up twigs", as those naughty "Friends" writers would have us believe.

· 4/20 - Saw Eva Longoria and Mario Lopez dining together at Magnolia in Hollywood. How does that girl stay skinny? After finishing her meal, she started eating off of his plate. To be fair, Thursday was stoner holiday 4/20, so she might have had the munchies. I didn't see who paid, but I hope it wasn't Mario. His check from ALOHA, SCOOBY DOO couldn't have been that big.

· Eva Longoria flies Southwest! She was on Flight 961 from San Antonio to LAX in the afternoon on 4/24, flying home two days after Tony Parker killed the Kings in Game 1 of the playoffs. She had an A boarding pass (LONGORIA/EVA) and seemed to be alone but friendly, keeping to herself in a mid-plane window seat. Tasty as ever in a strapless red top, cardigan and absurd sunglasses. She also carried a large blue terrycloth pillow. Couldn't see what she was reading. She's unfailingly nice when she's in I'm-just-a-supportive-NBA-girlfriend mode, so even the Mexican bike cops craning their necks for a good look when she deplaned got a smile.

· I saw a post in the Privacy Watch about Matthew Perry wandering aimlessly through the Arclight gift shop. I saw him there, too, and then when I was sitting in the theatre waiting for Hard Candy to start, in comes Matthew Perry. He sat in the seat directly in front of me and leaned all the way forward in his chair during the excruciatingly-difficult-to-watch scene where the girl cuts off the guy's balls. He seemed pretty disturbed. I felt a little awkward being so close to an icon of happiness while watching THAT. Perry looked really good, happy, and was with some guy with a Betty Ford Clinic baseball cap (so he was either being ironic or the guy was his sponsor). The week before that, Brian Posehn sat in front of me at the Arclight during Slither, and made loud fart noises at the preview for The Break Up. I respect him.

· Sunday, 4/22: Saw Jared Leto and some male friends at the Sunset&Vine Zen Zoo Tea, ordering lunch and not just boba, weird. Jared's looking slightly scruffy with really black hair but he can't hide those baby blues. He seemed very chill and either didn't notice or didn't mind my "Jordan Catalano!" double take.

· Saw Jay Mohr with the rest of us plebes watching Al Pacino in Salome at the Wadsworth Theatre in Westwood. He, like the rest of us, gave Big Al a standing-O. Don't know if Jay waited for Al after the show to get an autograph.

· driving home from work, i was cutting through the beverly hills flats on elevado. at a stop sign i was gazing out my driver side window when what should i see? richard simmons. full blown afro. red tank top. vogueing. i don't even know what to say. but rs was clearly very experienced with her madgesty's moves. i don't think this sighting will ever be topped.

· Okay, I see celebs all the time at Gold's Gym in Venice so I stopped reporting them a while back, but this one I thought was worth mentioning: what appeared to be the reanimated corpse of Ray Liotta (4/21). He had that kind of puffy, stitched-togther, post-plastic-surgery look happening, but those piercing baby blues were thankgodfully unaltered. Despite his current appearance, he was such a fox in "Goodfellas" that when I locked eyes with him I couldn't help but swoon a little.

· 4/23/06: Saw Kevin James, looking suitably stocky, in Thousand Oaks. He was dressed in sweatsuit zip-top and jeans, and appeared to belong to a small group of people front of a church. He helped an elderly woman (complete with walker) into a car, all the while wearing a mild, but unmistakable, look of displeasure.

· Saw Mr. Eko (aka ADEWALE AKINNUOYE-AGBAJE - yes I had to look that up) at the Hollywood Y today. Props to him for keeping it real with us common folks. Big guy, in great shape (obvious if you watch the show) but not quite as tall as he appears on TV.

· Bizarre sight at the Audi dealership in Santa Monica today (Monday).
Andy Milonakis and several hangers-on were trying to buy a car - not sure which model they walked away with, or if they ended up buying anything at all. But they were there for a while, and it was odd: Andy was with two tall, attractive guys and a short blond girl, all in their late 20's and one of the guys was cradling a small chihuahua the entire time (do straight guys do that now? - or is that a trademark of the idle rich regardless of gender?). I know Andy is like 30 years old, and has a growth hormone deficiency which is ultimately very sad and not at all funny, but... he looks and talks like he is 13, so it's especially odd to see him in a position to purchase a luxury car, and odder still to see a "posse" surround a guy who looks like my Nintendo-playing cousin. Still, he seemed nice enough.

Courteney Cox will topline the FX drama pilot "Dirt," a project she is exec producing with husband David Arquette and scribe Matthew Carnahan ("Fastlane").

Cox will play the editor-in-chief of two popular tabloids. Series will revolve around her world as she orchestrates the fates of the celebs who fill the papers' pages.

There is much gold to mined in the ironies of a celebrity portraying the very barnacle of her existence, all the more so if Cox can manage to convince some of her tabloid fodder friends to play themselves on the series. Seeing Jennifer Aniston throttling Cox's neck in a gripping episode entitled, "The Case of the Topless Photos Taken From 300 Yards Away," should make for the kind of Friends reunion that truly defines "must see" TV.

• FX dishes tabloid 'Dirt' [Variety]

• Courteney Cox OK With Daughter Watching TV [AP/ABC News]