When beset on all sides by the soul-tainting forces of mysteriousness and unexpectedness, one can always turn to the reliably quirky and lighthearded gossip-sheet tales of Two and a Half Men star Charlie Sheen's creative sexcapades to brighten one's mood. Rush & Molloy report that onetime Sheen companionship-pusher Heidi Fleiss and a tranny of his acquaintance are joining forces to sell a video featuring shocking new footage of Sheen's scandalous parking fetish:

Among the "very incriminating things" it shows, the cross-dressing porn star tells us, "is me riding around in [Charlie's] limo," proclaiming herself "Kayla Coxx, trannie-at-large." Fleiss, who used to count Sheen as one of her johns, tells us the tape also shows Coxx posing next to a limited-edition BMW in front of a mansion - both of which supposedly belong to Sheen.

"Kayla says that she asked Charlie if she could drive it, but he would only let her back it up in his driveway - 'to hide the address of his residence,' " says Fleiss.

Given the depth of Fleiss' connections to the sexual underworld, it probably won't be long before she announces that an entire series of these videos are forthcoming, with each subsequent release documenting Sheen's further descent into obscure fetishism, eventually culminating in a 90-minute installment depicting the actor's Malibu driveway completely gridlocked with luxury automobiles tantalizingly reverse-parked by a small army of gearshift-gobbling transvestite valets.

• A cross-dressing-down for Sheen [Rush & Molloy]

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