After all we've been through today, we really don't have the strength to plow through yet another update, but we should note that a judge has ordered the controversially home-jailed Hilton to appear in court tomorrow morning, where the city attorney and a representative of the L.A. County Sheriff's Department will each grab one of the heiress's arms and pull with all their might, with control of the prisoner's fate awarded to whichever party winds up holding the larger piece of mangled heiress. Should be fun!

But who wants to linger on such nastiness when there are far more interesting things going on around town, like the couple who spent all afternoon screwing on their balcony at the Hyatt Century Plaza, putting on a free show that kept those with a view from the nearby MGM building from getting anything done? We mention this mostly because we haven't been offered a single cameraphone shot of the hott, balcony-boning action, and that makes us profoundly sad. Sometimes we need a little more than some pictures of skywriting to help us get through a long day.

• Hilton ordered to return to court [LAT]
• Previously: Hilton Home-ImprisonmentWatch: First Luxury Baked Goods Arrive [Defamer]

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