· The government turns Adelphia cable robber-baron James Rigas upside down and shakes him until $715 million falls out. Adelphia must pony up the massive sum before Time Warner and Comcast can complete their purchase of the company and start ransacking the place like Visigoths. [Variety]
· We've received so many signs out of Hollywood that the Apocalypse is nigh that we've stopped counting, but still: Michael Bay's Platinum Dunes will produce a remake of Htichcock's The Birds with Mandaly's Peter "I'm Not In The Hollywood Old Girls Club" Guber for Universal. We can see the killer fowl tangled up in Paris Hilton's hair already. Sigh. [THR]
· Once the final episode of Star Wars is through disappointing fans early this summer, George Lucas promises to disappoint nerds anew by launching two TV shows continuing the franchise. We're totally selling our Darth Tater on eBay right now, before it loses its value. [Variety]
· The studio shuffle continues, as Dimension co-president Brad Weston is installed underneath Gail Berman at The New Paramount™. That sounds filthier than it was meant to. [THR]
· ABC plans to continue its ratings momentum by carpet-bombing the summer months with new reality programming. Why go to the beach when you have fresh episodes of Wife Swap to drool in front of?. [Variety]

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