Pity the poor employees of Fox. They're routinely made to suffer the indignities of themed, promotional meals at their cafes, occasionally made to chomp on carb-heavy breakfast foods that are somehow supposed to remind them of burying their syrup-slicked heads between Pamela Anderson's enormous breasts, and once in a while, mysterious body parts supposedly belonging to long-disposed-of assistants are rumored to turn up on their lot. Haven't they suffered enough? They have not, say the smooth-brained imagineers of Fox's vaunted promotional department, for now they're being asked to become complicit in one of the lamest viral-marketing ideas we've ever heard of—attaching Family Guy signatures (OMG the baby does a widdle dance!) to their outgoing e-mail to publicize the relaunch of their dysfunctional relationship with the oft-canceled show.

The e-mail cutely urging their employees' participation in the scheme follows after the jump, but maybe you shouldn't read it—we're already feeling like we've been outsmarted by the Fox folks, who are secretly snickering at their incredibly successful Seemingly Retarded Promotional Ideas That Will Be Mocked On Blogs But Still Get Out Our Message program.

——-Original Message——- From: FNG News of Note Sent: Thursday, April 21, 2005 1:06 PM Subject: Important Memo from Stewie

INTEROFFICE MEMO

F O X B R O A D C A S T I N G C O M P A N Y

TO: FOX Broadcasting Company and 20th Century Fox Television Employees

FROM: Stewie

CC: Peter, Lois, Meg, Brian, Chris, and Seth

DATE: April 21, 2005

SUBJECT: The Re-launch of Family Guy on FOX – Viral Promotion

Dear colleagues:

As you may know, the re-launch of FAMILY GUY on FOX is taking place May 1st at 9/8c.

While I’ve been told that the network and studio are hard at work promoting my show, I for one, will not be standing idly by. I’ve taken time off from WORLD DOMINATION to make this nifty little signature for you to include on your emails. Lord knows how many emails you all send every day. Well, now by complying with my commands below, you’ll be spreading the word with every email you send. And you had better believe, once you send these out, your friends will include them on their emails, and their friends will do the same… until the WHOLE WORLD is touting my greatness. Well, I guess my time off from world domination has paid off after all!

Stewie’s Commands:

[Ed.note—Redacted—what followed was a list of instructions for attaching the signature to your e-mail messages. We're sparing you that part.]

Stewie Griffin

Senior World Dominator

Fox Broadcasting Company

Contact information for this author is not available.