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Nov 15, 2006 10:56 AM
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Hollywood, 3:32 PM
Sat Mar 13
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In a stirring statement of personal empowerment combining the best elements of the Emancipation Proclamation, "I Will Survive," and the distilled sentiments of Snoop Dogg's most poignant couplets, Us Weekly reports that soon-to-be Britney Spears ex-househusband Kevin Federline wiped away the tears from his world-shattering discovery that the wife who had patiently enabled the elevation of both his kick and watch games to levels of ridiculousness utterly unreachable by lesser background dancers was divorcing him, grabbed a Sharpie, and defiantly scrawled the following message on a dressing room mirror backstage at his recent Chicago House of Blues show:
Today I'm a free man Ladies look out Fuck a wife Give me my kids Bitch! —Kevin Federline
It's entirely possible that Federline intended this message (which calls to mind his estranged wife's immortal Graffiti of Truth) to serve as a simultaneous filing of a divorce counter-suit and a child custody claim, hoping to bypass the luxury of prohibitively expensive legal counsel. With the chief source of funding of his bling-riddled lifestyle permanently cut off, Federline is already demonstrating an admirable level of frugality, making sure that the last of the freebies his rapidly diminishing fame affords will sustain him for as long as possible. That comped bottle of Grey Goose has gotta last, yo.
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