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    The Projectionist: Serenity Lacks Herpes, Samurai

    serenity.jpgAnother Friday afternoon, another jaw-droppingly accurate* set of box office predictions:

    1. Serenity—$17 million
    Having never seen Firefly, the short-lived, but passionately fanboy-embraced, TV show on which Serenity is based, we aren't all atingle about the big-screen treatment. (Joss Whedon's hitsquad, please lower your sniper rifles.) But we feel like we can get behind it if it's only 50 percent as good as Ice Pirates, even if the movie's sci-fi universe is completely devoid of space herpes and samurai robots.

    2. Flightplan—$15 million
    Every time we think about the flight attendant boycott of Flightplan, we're lost in a fantasy about Jodie Foster and three comely stewardesses engaged in a heated tiny-pillow fight while crammed into a 747 bathroom. And we become aroused. Very, very aroused.

    3. Into the Blue—$12 million
    Join deep-sea adventurer Jessica Alba as she embarks on a thrilling journey to prove, once and for all, that she has the most talented body in all of Hollywood.

    4. The Corpse Bride—$10 million
    We're pretty sure Tim Burton's fascination with corpses is pretty harmless, but on the other hand, we wouldn't be too shocked to learn that he asks Helen Bonham-Carter to play dead once in a while.

    5. A History Of Violence—$8 million
    During an appearance on the Daily Show this week, actor Viggo Mortensen surreptitiously filled his water mug with rubber insects, which he then pulled from both his mouth and the mug after he took a gulp. We found this odd behavior quite endearing, and have added another million to AHOV's weekend take as a reward.

    [*Or inaccurate, depending on the week. We try and alternate for variety.]


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