Sep 18, 2006 11:51 AM
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Hollywood, 3:02 PM
Fri Mar 19
54 posts in the last 24 hours
As Seth helpfully informed you on Thursday, I spent an intense weekend learning about the heretofore unexplored erotic possibilities of private aviation at the John Travolta Flight Academy, studying under the master himself. Unfortunately, a fairly comprehensive nondisclosure agreement prevents me from divulging his trade secrets, but I am allowed to say this: At first, you may question how 24 hours of stripping off your cadet's uniform (no, the hot pants aren't optional), being slathered in baby oil, and getting chased around the cabin by an instructor trying to cover your glistening body in handfuls of pink feathers is going to teach you to fly a jet. But on the second day, the genius of Captain Travolta's unconventional methods really pay off.
—Mark
Your weekend box office numbers:
1. Gridiron Gang—$15 million
It's starting to seem like the studios have a massive stockpile of inspirational football movies they're slowing dumping into theaters during traditionally slow weekends, knowing that the public is particularly susceptible to pigskin-flavored tales of triumph when faced with no other viable cinematic options. Just a couple of weeks ago, moviegoers were uplifted by default by Marky Mark's Invincible, and this weekend, they joylessly submitted themselves to a rib-shattering bear-hug from Dwayne "My Agents Says I Can't Drop My Wrestling Name Until 2010" Johnson rather than stay home and contemplate the depressing lack of tough love in their lives. SPOILER ALERT: Directionless, incarcerated kids learn valuable lessons about love, self-respect, and second chances!
2. The Black Dahlia—$10.362 million
Josh Hartnett might seem like an unconventional, too modern-seeming choice for the lead in a 1940s noir drama, but when one considers that the part was originally offered to Michael J. Fox with the understanding that he would perform each scene while atop his Back to the Future 2 hoverboard, the actor's casting seems like an appropriately conservative move.
3. Everyone's Hero—$6.150 million
We'd never even heard of this movie before scanning the box office results (we blame a newly developed blind spot for second-tier CGI family movies), but based on this image from the film, it seems like a stunningly barbaric tale of a psychotic Little Leaguer who bludgeons sentient baseballs to death with his narcoleptic Louisville Slugger. Appalling.
4. The Last Kiss—$4.702 million
The Last Kiss DVD will feature a special director's cut consisting of nothing but an uninterrupted, 90-minute shot of Zach Braff leaning against his girlfriend's front door as he silently struggles with the soul-crushing realities of a rapidly approaching adulthood. In lieu of the standard commentary track, viewers can opt to listen to ADR outtakes of Braff trying to capture the perfect sigh.
5. The Covenant—$4.7 million
Teenagers seems considerably less excited by pretty he-witches in their second weekend of release.
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