Defamer Party Report: Stars Visit The Free Clinic

Last night, some of Hollywood's brightest stars showed up at the L.A. Free Clinic to show their support for maintaining our town's amazing diversity of STDs. OK, they didn't go to the actual Free Clinic at all (celebrities get house calls for their private health matters, then kill the doctors to make sure their gonorrhea stays a secret, silly). Instead, they turned out for a charity dinner at the Regent Beverly Wilshire to benefit the Clinic and honor NBC head Kevin Reilly. Unfortunately, there is absolutely no way to introduce our operative's report of the gala without mentioning that no free clinic event could be complete without a visit from Paris Hilton.

Went to the L.A. Free Clinic "star studded" charity dinner last night, in honor of NBC honcho Kevin Reilly. I personally gazed upon such stars as Zack Braff from SCRUBS (I accidentally called him "Zack Branff" to my boyfriend, who kindly but firmly corrected me), Sean Hayes from WILL & GRACE (is that show still on the air?), and none other than THE SINGLE GUY himself, Jonathan Silverman! Looks like he's been eatin' well, plus had a hottie blonde date. Not so single anymore, huh? Obscurity is clearly treating Silverman well. Will Ferrell was supposed to MC but never showed. So Triumph the Insult Comic Dog filled his time slot. The definite highlight of the evening, especially when he roasted David Kissinger (an NBC employee) for his father Henry's "genocide antics" during the Vietnam War.

After a meal of chicken in "sauce" and literally three green beans (the EXACT same menu as last year!), we were subjected to a couple of Maroon 5 songs (no one over 30 knew who they were - which was 9/10th of the room), followed by the comedy stylings of none other than Jeff Zucker! That irrepressible rascal! But the highlight of the evening? The twenty minute drop-by of none other than....Paris "I might not be wearing any panties" Hilton and her less attractive sister Nikki! The room almost came to a grinding halt when these two walked in late, joined a table full of drooling agents, posed for photos, actually ate their rubbery dinner, and sang along to the Maroon 5 songs. Oh, wait, that's right, Paris is dating one of the Maroon 5 guys, right? The girls oh-so-classily left before Kevin Reilly even accepted his award (or whatever it is). Paris looked Internet porn hot; Nikki wasn't bad in her "sidekick," Ashlee-Simpsonesque-little-sister way. The most tender moment of the evening? When my boyfriend whispered in my ear he'd happily have a threesome with Paris and me. Ah, true love. At least there was a schwag-filled gift bag...

[Photo: Getty Images]

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