• The Wrap reports that despite grossing over $300 million to date in their world tour, U2 is only just on the brink of breaking even — just as the tour is about to shut down for the summer. The expenses of hauling around its giant spider-like prong stage are so immense that despite months of sold out shows they are only just putting their heads above the waterline. According to the piece, however the band, sees the tour as a way of continuing to pump some excitement into the franchise as they enter their twilight years. [The Wrap]

• The weekend box office has been abandoned to the monsters. Pre-Halloween fight films will dominate this weekend with Saw 4 and the continued expansion of Paranormal Activity each tracking in the $25 million range. [LA Times]

• District 9 Director Neill Blomkamp has signed up for his next picture. Media Rights Campaign has committed to financing his sophomore outing, an untitled, unexplained project which will go before cameras in mid-2010. [Variety]

• In his overview of the TV season to date, The Hollywood Reporter's James Hibberd sees the networks, or most of them, staging a bit of a comeback, with a surprising number of new shows actually connecting. Glee, Modern Family, The Vampire Diaries and NCIS: Los Angeles are cited as success stories. The one very dark spot in the network picture continues to be, of course, the black hole of NBC. [Hollywood Reporter]

• Dreamworks has ordered a script for a live action version of the Japanese animated classic Ghost in the Shell. Shutter Island screenwriter Laeta Kalogridi will take a first stab at the project. [Variety]

• Anne Hathaway and Neil Patrick Harris have signed on to do voices in Fox's upcoming Rio, by the animation team that brought you Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs. [Hollywood Reporter]

A Tisch student named Danlly Domingo has sent us a photo, of a behatted Mia Thermopolis—along with other members of the cast—offering slices around to the weary-but-committed ticket hopefuls.

Sure this might have been some carefully orchestrated PR thing—even though it was the last day of Twelfth Night, Hathaway will return to the New York stage in Promises, Promises and possibly a Judy Garland musical—but who cares. It's still pretty cool that at 3am the morning before her big final performance, the actress came out to say a gracious thank you to devoted theatergoers.

Good things do happen in New York! And sometimes, just sometimes, they involve celebrities. Give us your hat so we can tip it to you, Anne.

• So Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minillo got into a huge fight at some event for Jet Blue, just another one of a bazillion events they'd attend together to scoop up appearance fees, when they got into a huge fight and before you know it, it was over. [Hollyscoop]
  
  
• If you're wondering what future seasons of Jon and Kate Plus 8 will be like, it's rumored that it'll feature some scenes with Jon's new girlfriend. Ooohhh...catfight! [Daily News]
  
  
• Lindsay Lohan tried to get up on a drunk Justin Timberlake at Noah Tepperberg's new club Avenue the other night, but Timberlake was all "get on out of here ho!" and shooed her away. This gave Lindsay a sad and she went on Twitter and tried to start a rumor about him. [Page Six]
  
  
• Anne Hathaway keeps her friends looking stylish by giving them loads of clothes out of her own closet. Surely, many of them come free from designers and stylists or were purchased by her swindler ex-boyfriend, but still, a nice gesture. [Gatecrasher]
  
  
• Megan Fox is working on a film in St. Francisville, Louisiana (I've been there!) and almost burned down the whole town after some explosion on the set spread to some of the surrounding "historic" buildings and land. Her crappy thumbs are probably to blame here. [Page Six]
  
  
• Creepy Men's Fitness editor Neal Boulton and his wife have begun shooting scenes around town for their reality show about the bi-sexual swinging life in New York City. Consider yourselves warned. [Page Six]
  
  
• Madonna is so upset over having to be away from her English country home that she's ordered architects to redesign her Upper West Side apartment to create the feel of a house on the English countryside. Naturally, she's driving everyone involved with the project insane. [Mirror]
  
  
• Courtney Love is looking kind of like she needs one of those Steve Jobs style liver transplants or something. She's just withering away. [Sun]
  
  
• Daryl Hannah is now an environmental activist and she was arrested yesterday for sitting on top of a coal mine or something. [EOnline]
  
  
• This video of Zachary Quinto being dragged to the ground by his dog as a man dressed as a t-bone steak walks by is one of the most bizarre things you'll ever see. [DListed]

Hathaway, coming off a much-deserved Oscar nomination for her performance in Rachel Getting Married, is starring in the Shakespeare in the Park production of Twelfth Night opening this week at the Delacorte Theater in Central Park. As a result, Hathaway was featured in a piece in Sunday's New York Times and is subject of this week's New York magazine cover feature.

About her gender-bending role in the play, Hathaway sounded, well, terrified in the Times piece.

"I have a double learning curve, not only because it's my first time with Shakespeare but because this is my first major theatrical production," Ms. Hathaway said. "So just staving off a nervous breakdown has been the main thing for me."

"A lot of people in the cast come up to me at the end of the week and ask how I'm feeling, and I kind of vomit emotions, and they say, ‘Oh, good, that's exactly where you should be,' " she said. "And I remember the first time a bug flew into my face at rehearsal, I turned to Dan and asked, for my own edification, ‘If a bug flies into our face, are we allowed to react or just be stoic?' He just said, ‘Use your discretion.' "

Ms. Hathaway still seemed a bit surprised and thrilled to be in the cast.

"Yeah," Ms. Hathaway said, "I think I live in constant fear of being revealed to be a fraud because I'm with not only exquisite experience, but actors who have so much stage experience. And people who have experience in the park, which is a whole different kind of expertise."

"I had a very naïve, really arrogant adolescent idea that I could do Shakespeare because I did one monologue in an acting class when I was 18," she said. "One thing that dawned on me early in this process: We were sitting around and sharing our knowledge of Shakespeare and some trivia, and I just realized that the study of Shakespeare is cumulative, and I felt really lucky to be getting my first crack at it at such a young age."

In the New York piece, Hathaway noted how she's long yearned to spread her dramatic wings by tackling stage roles and secretly harbors a desire to become a full-blown stage diva.

She likes the long rehearsals, she likes slipping off to the uptown Shake Shack with cast and crew. It's a bit of being the actress she imagined she'd be when, as a child in New Jersey, she decided to take after her mother, who acts in regional theater and has done so forever. "I hounded [Public Theater director] Oskar Eustis for years," she says. After Rachel, "I think it became more of a priority for him to get me onstage." Hathaway stirs her coffee. "I do hope that doesn't sound obnoxious."

Talk of other projects swirls around her, but she's coy about it. "I don't mean to be, but sometimes things don't work out in the end, and then people think it's because you hate someone, and I don't hate anyone!"

It has, however, been confirmed that she'll be playing Judy Garland on Broadway, and that seems about right.

"This is so embarrassing, but one of the waitresses just walked by with a glass of white wine and I almost reached out and grabbed it. It would be lovely to have a bit of release, but no. I have to go to rehearsal. I don't want to be the girl who shows up tipsy. But wouldn't it be fun? Wouldn't it be fun someday to be a grande dame who can get away with anything?"

We think she'll do just fine and we look forward to seeing her perform in the play. Now, who wants $50 to go out and wait in line for a ticket for us, because we don't have time for that crap.

The Three Sisters of Twelfth Night [New York Times]
Her Enchanted Evenings [New York]

Here is Michaels' personal statement that he posted on his Myspace blog:

I am trying to remain very positive and somewhat humorous about the whole situation. I apologize that I did not make a statement earlier as I have been feeling pretty beat up over the last few days. The fact is I was honored to be asked to perform at the event. The entire "Rock of Ages" production were awesome and even though I was completely out of my element I was really enjoying myself prior to my injury. In fact all involved at the awards show treated me good.

I had a great time at the Tonys right up until I got blindsided, I must admit it was a little blurry after that. In hindsight, there is no doubt I got my bell rung, unfortunately it has been posted and perhaps funny to watch, but I can assure you it has been painful to experience. In all honesty I had absolutely no idea what struck my head. Upon impact I thought a piece of the lighting rig had fallen out of the ceiling and as I fell back it seemed like my head struck the stage and I blacked out for a second. When I opened my eyes I noticed a large set prop coming down straight for me. I immediately pushed myself out of the way and amidst the chaos I laid on the floor and asked "what the hell just happened?"

My nose, mouth and the back of my head felt numb. I vaguely remember asking Big John, ‘do I have any teeth left in my mouth?' I knew I could move my arms and legs and that was an instant relief. Somebody handed me a towel to wipe the blood from my face and in my dazed state I recall staring at what seemed to be Shrek, a talking goat head and several monkey like creatures.

Over the last few days a lot of speculation as to what happened and who is to blame have surfaced. I need to make clear at no point since the incident occurred do I feel like the accident was malicious in any way and I feel this will all work itself out. However I must state I found it a little strange that the only statement released by the Tony organization was that I missed my mark and that I was completely fine. First, I thought, ‘what mark?' as there was no official mark, just a retracting drum riser and an overhead prop being rapidly lowered which was out of my view. Second, I think it was slightly irresponsible for them to report that I was fine without full knowledge of my condition, when a doctor hadn't even looked at me yet and I surely don't remember any X-Ray machines backstage. I am not looking for an apology, I only hoped that on a human level that the Tony organizations' representative would have expressed some concern for injury in their statement or at the very least claim they would be looking into the matter.

Whether it was a miscommunication, missed cue or missed mark no matter what the situation was the prop should have been stopped or at least slowed for a few more seconds until I cleared the stage. I apparently had less than two seconds to avoid being hit. It was evident I was backing up and moving in the direction to exit the stage for at least 30 to 40 feet and it is plain to see I had no clue this prop was descending. For God sake, they have at least a five second delay to prevent the airing of unapproved expletives and nudity!

For the record never at any point during my Sunday morning rehearsal was I ever instructed that the piece was coming down and that I had very little time to get off the stage, otherwise believe me I would have stopped or at least ducked so as not to be knocked out at the Tonys. Trust me I never wanted any of this to happen. I was simply doing as I was told which was to exit the stage as Poison's song "Nothin' but a Good Time" came to a close.

I feel for the actors and actresses who put in so much time and hard work on or off Broadway to get to the Tonys. This is their moment and I am sorry that some of it may have gotten overshadowed by my thick rocker cranium being struck by a stage prop. On a high note I hear it was the highest rated Tonys they have had in years. However, I was bummed that I did not get to see any of the acts perform during the Tonys as I have never seen a play on Broadway before, probably would have enjoyed it, and even more bummed that I did not get to attend the after parties, cuz rumor has it Anne Hathaway was going to be there and she is hot.

I would like to personally thank Bobby and C.C., Mark Hogue, Larry Morand and my crew along with Liza Minnelli, Mark Indelicato and Carole Propp for rushing to my dressing room to check on my condition. In closing I truly appreciate everyone's concern. I thank the Good Lord I have a thick skull and I have a feeling this may have been my first and final curtain call at the Tonys.

Sincerely,
Broadway Bret Michaels

We're not sure what's funniest about this—The fact that Bret, like a true rocker, is upset that he missed meeting the "hot" Anne Hathaway at an after-party, or that Liza Minnelli ran to his dressing room to look after him. Liza totally wants him.

My Official Statement [Bret Michaels' Myspace]
Pics via Bret Michaels Myspace

• Lindsay Lohan's obsessive stalking of Samantha Ronson throughout Europe seems to have worked. Ronson appears to have caved to Li-Lo's insanity out of fear for her life or something, as they were spotted spending the day together in Los Angeles after a Lohan tweet hinted that they may be back togther. [Sun]
  
  
• Things are getting ugly between Russell Crowe and Ridley Scott on the set of their Robin Hood flick. Allegedly producers are having to fly in to make peace between the two, who have refused to speak to each other at times. Russell Crowe also so showed up fat to play Robin Hood at the start of filming, something that didn't please Scott and the producers, who forced Crowe to go on a crash diet to lose 35 lbs. [Page Six]
  
  
• Anne Hathaway thinks she's ready for the bright lights of Broadway and is set to play Judy Garland in the the upcoming musical, Get Happy, The Life of Judy Garland. [Daily News]
  
  
• Here's a shocker—NBC is vigorously denying the Speidi torture allegations, basically saying that everything Heidi and Spencer have claimed is a load of crap. Again, shocking. [Daily News]
  
  
• Susan Boyle has reclaimed her sanity with the help of her cat "Pebbles" and is ready to start rehearsing for the Britain's Got Talent tour. [Mirror]
  
  
• This whole Jon and Kate thing is already beyond ridiculous, but it only grows more so by the day—Authorities with the Pennsylvania Humane Society were called on to investigate whether or not the Gosselin's dogs had been abused by the family. [Dlisted]
  
  
• Chris Brown has taken to surrounding himself with burly bodyguards whenever he makes public appearances out of fear that someone will seek retaliation for his beating of Rihanna. [Page Six]
  
  
• Simon Cowell is on the verge of nailing down a deal to produce a remake of Saturday Night Fever, with Zac Efron set to star as the character played by John Travolta in the original. [Sun]
  
  
• Kelly Bensimon of Real Housewives of New York was cleared of assault charges after the dude she allegedly beat up failed to show up in court. [EOnline]

The executives at New Line Cinema can't wait to take more hard-earned cash from women who don't care about storyline and just want to see something about dating and love — again!

That's why there is a project in the works called Valentine's Day. It will hit theaters right before — wait for it — Valentine's Day, 2010. The plot? The plot is iffy. Something about "would-be romantics working their way through a tangle of circumstances in L.A." But that doesn't matter, because Julia Roberts, Anne Hathaway, Jennifer Garner, Jessica Alba, Jessica Biel and Shirley MacLaine will be in it. And Bradley Cooper. New Line will come up with a way to work a story around these people, since all that matters is that there's money to be made. Apparently, He's Just Not That Into You proved that women want to go see "romantic" movies — with other women or a date — right around Valentine's Day.

I have nothing against romance, comedies, or romcoms. I love stuff like When Harry Met Sally, Flirting, and Amelie — thoughtful films with strong writing and characters who are forces of nature. But He's Just Not That Into You — a movie based on a self-help book based on a catchphrase from a TV show — lacked substance and soul; the characters might have well have been cardboard cut-outs with labels like "The Optimist" or "The Seductress" taped to them. And for every bad review, there was a person who said, "I'm gonna see it anyway." Now the studio has 94 million reasons to pull that shit again.

As I wrote earlier this year, when you go see a movie like He's Just Not That Into You, you're casting a vote, telling Hollywood you want more flicks in the same vein. And this is what HJNTIY's box office bonanza hath wrought: Valentine's Day. As a former screenwriting major, it is painful to read that this project is being dictated by a calendar date — along with a cast and director (Garry Marshall) — and not by an actual story someone was inspired to write.

Who knows? Maybe there will be some surprises! Maybe they'll change the title to Single Awareness Day. Maybe some great writer (writers, plural, probably) will be hired by the studio to come up with a perfectly charming Valentine's Day tale. (I can already guess that one woman, who you think will stay single, will suddenly find a date; one woman, who you think will have a date, will suddenly be single; and one couple will remain together despite going through a dilemma that should tear them apart.) But for now, I'm already announcing that I'm just not that into it.

Hollywood Has Feb. 14 Circled in Red [NY Times]

Earlier: Liveblogging He's Just Not That Into You
Cliché-Laden Chick Flick Tries To Convince You It's Not Full Of Clichés
He's Just Not That Into You: Gay Minstrel Show?
More Reasons Not To Get Into He's Just Not That Into You
He's Just Not That Into You - First Review
There's No Way You'll Be Into He's Just Not That Into You

Either you love her or find her humor shallow and strangely dated, but Chelsea Handler is here to stay. For three more years, at least. She just signed a big deal with E!, extending her late-night talk show Chelsea Lately for another three seasons. The show has been a hit for the wan little cable net—the laff riot gets more women viewers, 18-34, than Last Call with Carson Daly, the new Jimmy Fallon show, or Craig Ferguson. Though most of those women are the annoying people who will talk loudly over shows like Project Runway, thinking their jokes are more entertaining than the actual show, so who wants to advertise to them anyway. [Variety]

Like an iceboat forcing its prow through dense North Pole ice, celebrated actress Cameron Diaz is breaking new ground as an artist. She'll be starring in a romantic comedy, her first ever, in which she play's something of a guy's gal. The movie is called Swingles and may not be for those who can't handle change. [Variety] Meanwhile the not-at-all-overhyped, not one bit, Anne Hathaway will be starring in both stage and film versions of the biography Get Happy, about celebrated insane boozebag Judy Garland. Long rumored to be doing a musical (Guys and Dolls, Promises, Promises), this looks to be Hathaway's first confirmed Broadway appearance. She's also doing Viola in the park this summer. [Variety]

Curiously likable former child star Amanda Bynes has landed an ABC comedy pilot (they do comedy so well!) called Canned, about a young woman who is unwittingly terribly mistreated by her boss. Geez, I can relate! [Variety] Curiously unlikable comedian Robert Wuhl somehow got past security at HBO, though he'd been banned from pitching shows to them since Arli$$ ended (those Funky Teacher things don't count). But somehow he did, because he's developing a father-son comedy about the owners of a Madison Square Garden-esque arena, providing a backstage look at all the sporting events and concerts and stuff that come through. He's also maybe developing those Funky Teacher things into a Broadway show. Inexplicable. [THR]

Here's fun: Catherine O'Hara, Tom Selleck, and Martin Mull are all starring in an action comedy together. Well, OK, the real leads are the unfortunate Ashton Kutcher and Katharine Heigl, but those three enjoyable old-timers will be popping up as well. Can't wait until June 2010! (Yes I can.) [THR] Also teaming up is a band of Injuns for the next Twilight movie, New Breaking Eclipse. They're all playing fearsome and brave werewolves who defend humans against a nasty group of vampyrs. Several different tribes are represented with the casting, and all the kids are making their movie debuts. Finally, we have repaid our debt to Native Americans in full. [THR]

TV vets Maura Tierney and Peter Krause will be starring in the pilot of the series-based-on-a-movie Parenthood. They'll be playing the Dianne Wiest and Steve Martin parts. No casting has been announced for the old lady who gives the lovely rollercoaster monologue towards the end, but I'm keeping my fingers crossed for a heavily made-up Rachel Dratch. [THR]

New York's Public Theater announced today that Hathaway would appear in this summer's Shakespeare in the Park production of Twelfth Night — its sixth mounting of the comedy, but no doubt the first featuring the Oscar-nominated ex of a faux-Vatican CFO. As a man. Sort of: Hathaway will play the female lead Viola, shipwrecked with her identical twin Sebastian in the mythical dukedom of Illyria. Mistaken identity, servitude and cross-dressing ensue, and Viola falls in love with the Duke. Whose role hasn't yet been cast, we hear, though let's be honest: If ever there were a time for Hathaway and Frank Langella to settle their filthy unfinished business, this would be it.

• Anne Hathaway Cast In Shakespeare in the Park 'Twelfth Night' [Broadway World]

Filthy mind

People cornered the Best Actress hopeful at today's Academy nominee luncheon, where she confessed she'll be attending the Oscars with her father — quite the downgrade from the Vatican's disgraced deputy CFO, but no doubt a safer choice than the mysterious, alleged heiress chaser known to trail her on vacation. Her mother and brother will attend as well if she can wrangle an extra pair of ducats (Marion Cotillard's seats may come available — we're just saying). It's a bittersweet scenario that can only end poorly for Frank Langella, that most recent of Hathaway suitors who stands to lose the most when she tipsily gestures over her bare shoulder at the Governor's Ball, leans in and whispers, "My date. *Burp* He promised he'd have me home by midnight."

• Anne Hathaway's Oscar Date – Her Dad [People]

After the FBI got the nude pictures in the Follieri split, the Web debated her taste (or distaste) for anal sex and even Jimmy Kimmel's fire extinguisher got her all hormonally atwitter, it probably shouldn't have surprised us when Hathaway made trouble for her fellow nominees at Newsweek's annual Oscar roundtable. Yet her oneupsmanship with Frank Langella still came as something of a shock, if only because she had hardly sat down before falling into filthy default mode:

LANGELLA: Would you like to hear my most favorite line I have said onstage, after 75 plays?

HATHAWAY: Yes.

LANGELLA: "Suck my dick." I said it to Christine Baranski every night for four months, and I couldn't wait to say it. It was such a great line to say. [...]

HATHAWAY: I was thinking of a moment that involved a dick. It was Julie Christie in Shampoo, when she's having that conversation with a guy, and she's like, I'll give you anything you want. And she's so deliciously drunk, and she goes, "And I want to suck his cock." It's the greatest line reading. And Warren Beatty does this fantastic spit take. Frank, I have a really lame question. Is there anything that you remember thinking, I wish I knew this when I started acting?

A subject change! So unfair, especially, when Langella was probably just about to casually reply with regrets he had waited so long to get into kid vaccination and housebuilding. He's suave like that.

• Inside The Actors’ Studio [Newsweek]

bringmemyTofu's new line beats the original, Actress Tries to Thank Actual Little People.

After discerning that Hathaway's 2009 resolution was to try something new every day, Jimmy Kimmel invited her to do just that by blowing out the candles on a birthday cake with a fire extinguisher. And why not. Hathaway seizes the opportunity to crack a number of double entendres and enough "that's what she said" jokes to make even Michael Scott shoot an anxious glance to the camera. This is going straight in your matchmaking file, Anne—be careful, or Ellen may set you up with James Woods. [Jimmy Kimmel Live!]

Best Picture
Looking like sure bets are Milk, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, crowd-pleaser Slumdog Millionaire, and Frost/Nixon. The fifth slot is shaping up to be a horse race between Doubt and The Dark Knight. Actors are the biggest voting block of the Academy, and the Screen Actors Guild didn't nominate TDK. But it is an audience favorite, which would mean good ratings for the awards show. And no one wants to win an Oscar when no one's watching. So we'll see. Either way, sorry, Wall-E.

Best Director
Usually falls in line with Best Picture, so Slumdog's Danny Boyle, Milk's Gus van Sant, and Button's David Fincher are sure bets. We're not positive that Ron Howard will get a nod for his somewhat utilitarian direction of what is mostly an actors movie, though he did get recognized by the Directors Guild. Christopher Nolan could very well squeak in for TDK. John Patrick Shanley, who is viewed (rightly) as mostly a writer probs won't end up here for Doubt. Maybe Wall-E's Andrew Stanton will get a little "hey thanks for playing."

Best Actress
Definitely Anne Hathaway for her stripped-down-yet-still-showy work in Rachel Getting Married, Kate Winslet's for her mopey/yelly turn in Revolutionary Road, and Meryl Streep's barking in Doubt. Sally Hawkins' pluck in Happy-Go-Lucky didn't woo SAG, but everyone else seems to love her. We hope that Melissa Leo gets recognized in the fifth slot for her grizzled performance in Frozen River, but it might go to Angelina Jolie because she's pretty and yells a lot in Changeling. Boo.

Best Actor
Yes on: Sean Penn for Milk, Mickey Rourke for The Wrestler, Frank Langella for People Talking!: The Non-Musical Frost/Nixon, and Bradley Jane Pitt in Button. Number five will mayyybe go to Six Feet Under Papa Richard Jenkins for The Visitor. Though everyone likes the growly old Clint Eastwood schtick he does in Gran Torino.

And the rest of these are really too wide to tell, but we're going to go ahead and predict anyway...

Best Supporting Actress
Viola Davis is practically a lock to win the whole damn thing for her two scenes in Doubt. Joining her at her table at the pre-awards luncheon will probably be Taraji P. Henson for Button, Amy Adams for Doubt as well, Penelope Cruz for Hannah and Her Spanish Sisters or whatever, and Annette Bening for her deliciously screwball work in 2008's most overlooked gem, The Women. (We're joking on that last one.) Let's give it to that creepy girl in Let the Right One In!

Best Supporting Actor
Josh Brolin will win for Milk as a consolation prize for no one really liking W. that much (and for him having to deal with Babs as a mother-in-law step-mother). Robert Downey Jr. and Heath Ledger ought to get notices for their heavily-made-up work in Tropic Thunder and TDK, respectively. I dunno. Who else? Maybe Phil Hoffman for Doubt. Maybe George Clooney for just being alive in the world. We hope Emile Hirsch gets recognized for his fantastic work as Cleve Jones in the fantastic Milk.

Screenplays
Both Adapted and Original are much wider races, but look for TDK (surprise!), Button, and Nixon in the former; Vicky Cristina Barcelona, Milk, and Rachel Getting Married in the latter.

I know you guys mostly care about Best Sound Editing, but you'll have to wait to find out about that. Happy ballot making or whatever!

DGA Nominations
PGA Nominations
SAG Nominations
WGA Nominations

With a small but symbolic cross-section of critics having reported at Rotten Tomatoes, Bride Wars has inspired the first — and what may prove the most vicious, depending on how that Towelhead sequel is coming along — beatdown of 2009. A sampling to date:

· "Kate Hudson and Anne Hathaway, who play the would-be brides, are good actors and quick-witted women, here playing characters at a level of intelligence approximating HAL 9000 after he has had his chips pulled." — Roger Ebert, Chicago Sun-Times

· "Bride Wars pretends to be a satire of wedding mania, but since there's virtually nothing else to the movie, the satire comes depressingly close to endorsement." — Owen Gleiberman, Entertainment Weekly

· "A crass, despicably sexist piece of Hollywood trash." — Josh Bell, Las Vegas Weekly

· "Will make you hate brides." — Victoria Alexander, FilmsInReview.com

· "The most lamentable thing about the dismal Bride Wars is the total absence of fatalities." — Nick Schager, Slant Magazine

Dammnnnn. The glass-half-full observer in us takes solace from that last, scorching rebuke from one of our '08 Listy winners, but the other half worries that Hathaway's Best Actress Oscar hopes for Rachel Getting Married may find the bad-taste brick wall too tall to climb by late February. We hope we're wrong, but if the wedding dress is the new fatsuit, here's also hoping that lovely new Golden Globe will suffice.

• 'Bride Wars' [Rotten Tomatoes]

The talk show host attempted to extract a veritable personal ad from Hathaway (must love getting shitfaced and "processed metaphysics"!) on her show today, though her prey put up a fight:

"If you need someone, I will find you a boyfriend," the TV host tells the Bride Wars star on the Ellen DeGeneres Show to air Thursday. "I'm really good at it."

"Did you see how nervous I just got?" responds Hathaway.

"You don't even have to date," advises DeGeneres, who herself is married, to Portia de Rossi. "You can straight to commitment." [...]

In terms of what she's now looking for in a guy, "At this point I would just like him to be law abiding," says Hathaway.

We're afraid that the newly insistent DeGeneres is merely giving the anti-gay marriage foes more grist for the mill; imagine an ad where a happy, beaming Mormon explains, "I have lots of gay friends! I just don't want them to become smug marrieds."

• Ellen DeGeneres to Find Mr. Right for Anne Hathaway [People]

• Jeremy Piven was examined by a second doctor at the behest of angry "Speed the Plow" producers, who aren't disclosing the results. But they are disclosing they are thinking about going after the actor to get money from him to cover their potential losses. [Post]
• Oprah Winfrey isn't hosting an inaugural party of any sort, much less the giant to-do that had been rumored. Or is that what she wants you to think?
• The real life-inspiration for Ken, the doll Barbie's plastic buddy, was in the closet. He was also "humiliated" by the doll's lack of genitalia. Just to tip the scales further toward tragedy, he contracted AIDS and died in 1994. [P6]
• Taylor Momsen of "Gossip Girl" ate at a restaurant in Maryland, where "nobody" in the restaurant recognized her. This is according to a tipster who recognized her and took the time to contact a newspaper, in New York. This item refutes itself. [P6]
• Roseanne Barr: "Israel is a NAZI state." [P6]
• Anne Hathaway finally took new boyfriend to an awards show as her date, and held his hand. She's taking it realllll slow. At least until her team of PI's is done vetting him. [People]
• Tori Spelling will be in the 90210 spin-off. Assuming her deal is finalized. [People]
• Oprah Winfrey is listed as one of the Scientologists attending John Travolta's private memorial service. At least until this story is corrected. [Sun]

When quizzed by E! about what she expects in 2009 from Barack Obama, Hathaway burnished her gay bona fides (already sparkling after starring in Brokeback Mountain and saving her brother's same-sex wedding) and noted, ""I expect him to explain that choice of Rick Warren. I don't get it. All my friends and I were trying to figure it out, but we just can't. So I'd love that." You know, Anne, sometimes you get sweet-talked by an apparently charitable man, invite him into your life, and then find out that his overseas transactions were a lot shadier than you'd originally thought. Who can't relate?

• Anne Hathaway Takes Obama to Task! Go Anne! [E!]

Hathaway found out firsthand just how little the ET anchor cares for her knowledge-knowing at the Palm Springs International Festival, where the actress was being honored for her work in Rachel Getting Married. Sadly, her acceptance speech struck the wrong note for some, who will only tolerate her erudite rambling when she's kohl-eyed and interrupting her sister's wedding party:

Anne Hathaway, a Desert Palm Achievement Award recipient, seemed to lose the audience while discussing “process metaphysics.” That prompted a surprised comment from almost always perky emcee, Mary Hart. “Did I hear that from backstage correctly? We just got into metaphysics? Whatever happened to good ol' blonde bimbos?” she quipped.

Why, they emcee awards shows in Palm Springs, Mary!

• Palm Springs International Film Festival [My Desert]

Kate explained that Anne is her costar in Bride Wars, and Letterman quipped, "She's nice, isn't she? I think her old boyfriend is in prison." Kate tried to change the subject and tactfully maneuver around Letterman's jabs, but admitted that she watched when he grilled Anne about Follieri. "I was like, 'Oh, you're giving it to her," Kate told Letterman. And just when things seemed to die down, Letterman mentioned how Follieri dressed up as the Pope. Clip above.

Earlier: Letterman Grills Anne Hathaway About Her Jailbird Ex

This week, the mags are about 90 percent celebrity weight loss stories and 10 percent entirely made up cover stories about stars who might get married, reproduce, or not reproduce in 2009. Below, we pick out the small bits of gossip sprinkled like confetti throughout the pages of Ok!, Us, Life & Style, In Touch and Star.









Us
It's unclear why the mag describes the 28 pages of blathering about celebrity diets as a "bonus" on the cover, since that makes up almost the entire issue. Here's some New Year's Eve advice: If you want to look like Britney or Jennifer Aniston just start eating fish ... and doing two hours of yoga per day. Elisabeth Hasselbeck is a "baby weight winner" because she lost 20 lbs by obsessively working out and insisting she has celiac disease. Hef once told Kendra from The Girls Next Door that she was getting fat and suggested she hit the gym. Charming. Here's some actual gossip: After a W magazine photo shoot with model Jesus Luz, Madonna invited the 20-year-old to a party in Brazil where they kissed, hugged, and danced until 5:30am, when they both retired to Madge's hotel room. A source says, "she goes after the youngest, hottest thing around," so it looks like 33-year-old A-Rod is out. Is Drew Barrymore dating Jason Segel? Segel's rep says they're just friends, but at the very least they're friends who make out at Chateau Marmont.
Grade: F (Standing out in the snow for hours to see the ball drop)

Ok!
Brad "longs to hold another infant" but Ok! theorizes that since Angie reportedly developed preeclampsia and gestational diabetes and had two emergency C-sections, having another biological child would be risky. Brad will have to settle for holding the two six-month-old babies he has at home or the African infant he is possibly adopting. Next: In an interview with the mag Alanis Morisette reveals that she lost 20 lbs by following a vegan diet. The mag says realizing she had gained weight was harder for Alanis to swallow than a "Jagged Little Pill." Sigh. Sort of moving on: Even more diet tips! Ok! suggests if you want to look like the stars you should become a professional dancer like Julianne Hough, breastfeed and have six kids like Angie, or get some plastic surgery like Heidi Montag. We finish with 12-pages of 2009 horoscopes. They advise that if you're a cancer, "the stork could drop by for a visit, especially after October 29." So should we be looking for a baby bump on cancers Ashley Tisdale, Meryl Streep, and Harrison Ford?
Grade: F+ (Having to watch a few minutes of Ryan Seacrest to see the ball drop on TV)

Life & Style
The cover claims they have the first photos of Bronx Mowgli, but it's just that picture Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz put online a few days ago. False advertising! Next up, brace yourselves: George Clooney went to dinner with Paris Hilton two nights in a row and an insider says "they definitely plan to get together in the new year." Paris's new BFF came on both "dates" and Ridley Scott and Marvel studios chairman David Maisel were in attendance for the second dinner, so we're hoping for George's sake this was just business. Moving on: K-Fed didn't want to let the boys visit Britney on various stops during her upcoming tour, so Brit invited Kevin to join them. The pair did fall in love on tour, but a friend points out that Kevin's relationship with his bowling teammate is getting pretty serious. Mandy Moore and DJ AM split up again. Finally, the best celebrity weight loss story of the week: "Obama Shapes Up to Be President." An Obama insider describes how the future president shed a few pounds by not having to eat "corn dogs at the Iowa State Fair or ribs in Austin, Texas," like he did on the campaign trail. Yes, there is a shirtless before and after picture. (Fig. 1)
Grade D- (Noisemaker-induced temporary deafness)

Star
Nicole Richie is planning on conceiving a second child, so like most moms-to-be she's taking pre-natal vitamins, dropping her intense vegan diet, and sketching maternity clothes she'll have made for herself. In other news, Katie Holmes spent her 30th birthday alone because Tom Cruise was away promoting Valkyrie. Katie is stressed and exhausted (as evidenced by a cold sore on her lip) because Tom nixed a ladies-only spa weekend with her mom and girlfriends. Next: Angelina Jolie's long-time bodyguard Michey Brett quit recently because he clashed with Brad, and now he's threatening to write a tell-all book. Judging from his revelation that Brad and Angie forced him to buy them supplies from a sex shop, including "kinky rubber suits and face masks," it's going to be a good read. Moving on: Anne Hathaway has been dating boyfriend Adam Shulman for a few months, which clearly means they'll be getting married in 2009. Star thinks Anne is trying to send secret messages about her impending wedding because her most recent projects are Rachel Getting Married, Bride Wars, and the upcoming film The Fiance. Blind Item: Which Disney heartthrob better pass next time someone offers him a puff? The teen's taste for pot has become a real problem on the set of his latest project. Finally, some celebrities have hideous physical flaws that the editors of Star would like to point out to you. Victoria Beckham had some gunk in her ear, Kelly Rowland forgot to shave her armpits once before hitting the red carpet, and J.Lo has some back fat. How dare they.
Grade: D (Champagne headache)

In Touch
Jen and Angelina are in a made-up race to the altar, which means the mag has to plan two made-up weddings! Jen is going to make it a classy affair by borrowing Girls Gone Wild host Joe Francis's Mexican villa for a spring wedding. Angie wants her fake wedding to be smaller and will wed in September at Chateau Miraval with only family in attendance. Moving on: In Touch has an exclusive interview with Tori Spelling called, "How I got my bikini body back" which we did not read because it involves photos of a bikini-clad Spelling making sexy faces and we had to turn the page. In the requisite article about Jessica Alba losing the baby weight they use a photo of her pregnant for the "before" and the photoshopped Campari ad for the "after." Ha! Next up: OMG. "Is Oprah too hung up on Obama?" Oprah's friendship with the president-elect is described as "oddly close" and there is a sidebar pondering if Stedman and Michelle might be jealous. A psychiatrist who doesn't treat anyone involved says Stedman and Michelle "likely realize they can't relate to Oprah and Barack on a certain level because the pals share the "loneliness-at-the-top syndrome, which could draw them closer." Finally, "Hollywood's hooked on hookers." This article is like a three page blind item, with both gay and straight prostitutes recounting their adventures with anonymous A-list stars. We most want to know the identity of the straight "manly man" whose dominatrix invited gay porn star Nick Capra to her "dungeon" to see how far she could make her celebrity "slave" go.
Grade: D+ (Confetti in your underwear)

Fig. 1

Hathaway sat down with Modern Bride to promote the dreaded, nearly-upon-us comedy Bride Wars, and when asked to recall her favorite wedding, she cited her older brother Mike's (that's him with Hathaway on the left). As beautiful as she says the ceremony was, things almost didn't go as planned until Hathaway and company took charge:

"When Mike and Josh booked the place, it was before daylight savings time, and the sun was pretty high up in the sky," she continues. "Now it was at eye level, and it was blinding! Burn-your-retina bright!

"We sent my cousin's boyfriend down to Canal Street [in New York City] with $250 to buy as many sunglasses as he could, and we put them on every other seat. Everybody just put on their sunglasses, and we have some great pictures of that!" she says. "It's all about crisis management, isn't it?"

Sadly, Hathaway's quick thinking doomed a secret scheme set up by her then-boyfriend Raffaello Follieri, who had conferred with the Pope to set the sun just so, all the better to abscond with the blinded crowd's wallets, purses, and carb-free slices of gay wedding cake.

• Anne Hathaway's "Favorite Wedding Moment?" When Gay Brother Got Hitched! [Us]

It's a welcome diversion for reader and subject alike, who, for too long, have been treated to the media's limited view of Hathaway as merely the dog-abandoning, Senator-meeting ex ensnared in a lousy Italian boyfriend's Vatican-land baron delusion. We think it's really over now that the actress has finally made it to London for a bit of on-the-record, boutique-crashing catharsis:

"Look, she's buying cheap knickers!" somebody says. And, indeed, Hathaway is in the lingerie department, surveying the three-for-£7 panties in polka dots and funny florals—girly things. She's also interested in camisoles, jumpsuits (she tries on a strapless black corseted romper), and things that in her mind fall into the "lounge around" category. [...]

We're back to knickers for one last look. It's a psychologically charged moment. For the truth is that Hathaway recently split up with Raffaello Follieri, her boyfriend of four years, and is trying to replace all the clothes and underpinnings she associates with that relationship and that she has since tossed out—i.e., domestic apparel, those sweatpants and T-shirts and his/her sweaters in which you tackle crosswords and struggle for the remote control. "This is harder than I thought," she suddenly confesses. "I haven't done this yet. I don't know how I want to look when I lounge around."

Oh, Annie, you don't need Vogue for that. Ask the FBI — there's evidence.

• The Awakening [Vogue]

And now, the day after the Cracked X-mas Fundraiser where the actress auctioned off a drinking date with herself and a few of your close friends, we know that's as good a pick up line as any:

"I'm not usually very forward, but I thought if there was ever a crowd for me to do something like this, this is my crowd so I would like to auction myself off," Hathaway announced, "for drinks somewhere fabulous and basically get you totally s—- faced. Tell me what I'm worth." [...] Hathaway, 26, was embarrassed when her price kept going up. "I'm blushing," Hathaway said during the bidding process. "Wow, I feel really good right now."

Enjoy it while you can, Annie, before a troop of FBI agents arrives at your door, waving a search warrant and the sharing the heartrending disclosure that the proceeds intended for a "crisis helpline for LGBT" youth were diverted instead to some skeevy underground phone-sex empire. Not the same thing! Worse yet, you didn't even get a John McCain boat ride out of it! We hope we're wrong, of course, but we — and you, God knows — have seen this one before. Tread carefully.

• Date with Anne Hathaway Goes for $12,000 [People]

There's often little sense to make of the Spirit Awards beyond the volume of tables that the organizers at Film Independent can sell to its nominees, and this year, with Jonathan Demme's Rachel Getting Married and Sundance award-winner Frozen River receiving six nods apiece, expect Sony Pictures Classics to bring the most guests. The microbudget fest-circuit favorite Ballast earned six nods as well; its producers are expected to valet through the host's opening monologue before settling into their own, smaller table in a beachside annex to watch the show on closed-circuit TV.

The diversity of the other major categories is a testament to the sloppy overlap between indie upstarts and the Oscar mainstream that continues to sustain them:

· The Wrestler and the Michelle Williams-and-her-dog drama Wendy and Lucy join Rachel, Ballast and Frozen River as this year's Best Feature nominees;

· Rachel helmer Jonathan Demme duels lauded indie filmmakers Courtney Hunt (Frozen River), Ramin Bahrani (Chop Shop) and Lance Hammer (Ballast) for Best Director. Tom McCarthy is in there for The Visitor, too; Overture Films must have pledged two tables or something.

· Williams and likely Rachel Oscar nominee Anne Hathaway face off against Frozen River's Melissa Leo and even Towelhead star Summer Bishil for Best Female Lead;

· Jeremy Renner earned a Best Male Lead for The Hurt Locker, an acclaimed Iraq film that hasn't screened anywhere outside the Toronto Film Festival. His opponents: Sean Penn (Milk), Javier Bardem (Vicky Cristina Barcelona), Wrestler star Mickey Rourke and Oscar underdog Richard Jenkins (The Visitor);

· In the screenwriting category, Woody Allen (Vicky Cristina Barcelona) and Charlie Kaufman (Synecdoche, New York) will do battle against Sundance '08 alums Anna Boden and Ryan Fleck (Sugar) and Howard Rodman (Savage Grace);

· Along with Penn, Bardem, Williams and Hathaway, round out the starfucking quotient with Best Supporting Actress nominee Penelope Cruz (Vicky Cristina Barcelona). Ben Lyons may decide to show up with his camera after all!

Look for other Defamer Attractions underdog alums scattered around the room as well: Best First Feature candidates Chris Eigeman (Turn the River) and Chris Zalla (Sangre De Mi Sangre); John Cassavetes Award contender Alex Holdridge (In Search of a Midnight Kiss); and Best Documentary front-runner Man on Wire, directed by James Marsh. Congrats to all, and may none of you still be busing tables in the show's tent if/when your names are called Feb. 21.

• 'River,' 'Rachel,' 'Ballast' Lead Spirit Award Nods [IndieWire]

Or so says a source who tattled to Page Six: "Adam is known as an opportunist. When he was at Brown [University], he went after all the heiresses. It's like Anne is addicted to losers." Hold it — can you be more specific? Because we've heard Hathaway isn't what you'd call a cheap date, and nobody actually dates for love in this town anyway, do they? Then again, he got this far without having to vaccinate any poor kids or build someone a house, so maybe he is all about the shortcuts.

• ANNE'S NEW GUY [NYP]

• Anne Hathaway's new actor boyfriend "went after all the young heiresses" when he was at Brown University, which makes him as terrible for her as jailed fraudster Raffaello Follieri, according to Page Six's tipster. [P6]
• Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes spent their second wedding anniversary apart, on opposite coasts. Make of that what you will. [Mail]
• The longtime editor-in-chief of Gourmet, Ruth Reichl couldn't get into her own party because she wasn't on the press list. I would not want to be that event planner. [P6]
• Sumner Redstone, purportedly to his ex-girlfriend on his ex-wife, in a restaurant: "I'm finally rid of her." [P6]
• Angelina Jolie forced husband Brad Pritt to make an angry call to his ex Jennifer Aniston, in which Pitt "went off" in a "quivering" voice. This according to the tabloid that reported that Aniston was pregnant with twins by John Mayer. [Star]
• After returning from a summer of TV filming in Spain, Gwyneth Paltrow didn't visit her husband but instead spent some private time with a Miami billionaire, including a jaunt on his yacht with Kate Hudson. [P6]

He says that he cannot eat because the food appears to be spoiled and that the toilet and shower facilities are unspeakably unsanitary. E.g., there is excrement in the shower and rats are roaming freely in the area. He says the stench is intolerable... He reports blood in his urine and says that he is suffering from a series of intestinal problems which have left him debilitated.

The convicted con artist will receive little sympathy over his treatment. But Hathaway risks looking cold-hearted if she just leaves him to rot. At a minimum, the actress should probably have her people make some inquiries and express concern about her ex-boyfriend's conditions. And of course Hathaway can't take things too far because then it will look like she's consorting with a crook again. Tricky!

It's worth a try, though. This is probably the only chance in some time to trick the celebrity media into actually improving the lives of the poor and downtrodden.

Since he was sentenced to 4-1/2 years in prison for fraud last month, he has had to contend with rotten food, foul odors and unclean toilets and as result is running a fever and has blood in his urine, according to a letter from his lawyer made available on Wednesday.

"He says that he cannot eat because the food appears to be spoiled and that the toilet and shower facilities are unspeakably unsanitary," the letter from Flora Edwards said.

"There is excrement in the shower and rats are roaming freely in the area. He says the stench is intolerable," the letter continued.

"Eet ees so dirty," Follieri went on to complain. "Almost as dirty as when I deed the naughty theengs with Annie!" Then, bowing his head, he whispered, "Now eet ees me who they do that to."

[Photo Credit: AP]

• Anne Hathaway's ex sick in filthy jail: lawyer [Reuters]

Life & Style recently spotted the happy new couple in New Orleans, where Adam accompanied Anne, 26, to an Oct. 29 screening of her movie at the Canal Place Cinema, then to dessert with pals at local hot spot Patois. At the screening, Adam, unassuming in jeans and Converse sneakers, told Life & Style how he and Anne first met: “We met through mutual friends. I came to support Anne. We’ve never been to New Orleans before — it’s our first time.”

At Patois, where the couple sipped white wine and Anne picked off Adam’s plate, the star said things with Adam weren’t perfect at first. “He was actually seeing someone else,” she told the table while resting her hand on Adam’s leg, says a witness. “I thought I was going to have to step back.”

Anne, Anne, Anne. How could you swoop in and do something like that to an innocent party? How dare you pick food off your boyfriend's plate!

• Exclusive: Here's Anne's brand new man! [Life & Style]

This "organization representing the intersection of young people, politics and popular culture" was started in 1992 by some sleazy Hollywood entertainment industry types and they'd been trying to swing elections ever since with nihilistic "grunge music" and godless celebrities. The group lets would- be election defrauders print out unlimited voter registration forms they access from their "Xboxes" and "iPhones." Then Rock the Vote helpfully sends all the forms to the wrong place and no one is registered. Democracy! [Update: Rock the Vote says the New York Board of Elections screwed up! No Times correction yet!]

Anne Hathaway got tied up in this modern-day Tammany Hall, of course:

About 10 days ago, when the actress Anne Hathaway was recording a public service announcement for Rock the Vote, she told Ms. Smith that she had used the group’s on-line form but didn’t find her name on the rolls. In verifying her registration – Ms. Hathaway’s voter identification number was ultimately tracked down — Ms. Smith said she learned that about 40,000 applications had not been processed.

She is so trusting and naive, that one. And so adorable!

VOTE-ROCKING UPDATE: Rock the Vote says New York gave them the correct addresses for mailing in voter registrations. We're... not sure how accurate that is? The New York State board of elections seems to have told them to tell voters to mail the forms to the main State Board of Elections, and not local precinct boards. Some of the registrations should still count, but this explains the massive delays in processing the forms. The New York State Board of Elections doesn't care about Vote-Rocking people.

The problem, of course, is the decentralized and massively complicated opt-in voting system of the United States as a whole. They'd like a correction from the Times, but the Times hasn't updated anything and we're not sure they have anything to correct. They do note in a City Room entry, today:

Ms. Smith said that Rock the Vote printed the state board’s address on its application because it was on a list of central addresses for each state provided by the federal Elections Assistance Commission, and because her group got written confirmation twice from New York State officials that they could receive the applications in Albany. All the groups doing registration drives, including Rock the Vote, may have lost time by following the federal instructions.

So. The Feds told Rock the Vote to ask NY State which gave them an incorrect address, twice. Voting in America is a big embarrassing mess, again, as usual.

Boomp3.com

Oscar favorite Anne Hathaway took to the produce of her local Whole Foods to recreate one of her favorite scenes from the movies, the shower dance from Flash Dance. The Rachel Getting Married star was perfectly in sync with the produce sprinkler system as she twirled around the fresh vegetable department. Hathaway’s impromptu dance number ended with a thunderous round of applause and a flurry of five and ten dollar bills.

[Photo Credit: X17]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

If or when they ever respond to our requests for comment, we'll let you know. Meanwhile, the obvious speculation that Passengers — about a grief counselor (Hathaway) whose plane-crash-surviving patient (Wilson) develops extra-sensory powers — was never intended as anything more than a DVD-ready, straight-to-Flopz™ enterprise doesn't quite explain treating a Hathaway vehicle this way. However aromatic, could it really be any worse than the Lindsay Lohan stillbirth I Know Who Killed Me, which Sony unloaded last year on a relatively extravagant 1,300 screens? Hathaway's profile alone could open at least that many — maybe not this weekend, opposite Saw V, and maybe not even this month, but surely some time this fall, and at a much better per-screen average that IKWKM's pathetic $2,656.

In fairness to Sony, though, Passengers from the start was not an especially promotable film. And not just because it looks terrible: Neither Hathaway (who went straight from publicizing Get Smart to handling Rachel Getting Married in July and August, dragging her FollieriGate baggage all the way) nor Wilson (finishing Watchmen and jumping to Broadway) would have been around to promote it, and it doesn't look like something generally non-hacky director Rodrigo Garcia would be especially proud of on his own.

And while we're hypothesizing, why not lob a conspiracy theory: What if the Sony Pictures Classics gang, which has an Oscar nod all but cinched for Hathaway for Rachel, made an appeal to the mothership to keep Passengers buried where Academy voters couldn't find it? Call it "Operation Norbit," named after Paramount's botched Eddie Murphy supporting-actor campaign in '06 — highly unlikely, but certainly no weirder than not knowing Anne Hathaway's new movie opened today.

Speaking in Italian on Thursday with a translator at his side, Mr. Follieri stood in front of Judge Koeltl and reflected on his misdeeds.

“I didn’t start off with the intention of deceiving anyone,” he said. “I started off with good intentions to run an honorable business and make everyone proud of me.” He added: “I have dishonored my family name and the church I love. I will never be able to wash away that stain and I will have to live with it for the rest of my life.”

Mr. Follieri will most likely be deported to Italy after he finishes his prison sentence.

The Pope is just as easy to get a photo-op with as John McCain, apparently. [NYT; pic via NYP]