Heads Up, LA, The "Asian Wig Bandit" Is On The Loose

The pride and joy of the west coast, the officially not racist LAPD, has always depended on the kindness of strangers for help identifying criminals. Today is no different. So if anyone has any information on the “Asian Wig Bandit” allegedly responsible for 15 armed robberies over the last six months, please stand up.

Yes, the “Asian Wig Bandit.”

Oh that? Don't worry, it’s totally not some racial shit because according to The Los Angeles Times, “The man apparently earned his nickname because of his choice of disguise: a blond or black shoulder-length wig.” See? He earned the “Asian” moniker by wearing wigs. Then, to get even more Asian, he committed the crimes “dressed as a female and wearing sunglasses.”

“Asian is just a harmless description of a bandit!” they'll say. But keep in mind that while it might be hip to be Asian in America, Asian American and Pacific Islander poverty is growing dramatically and that continuing the “model minority” stereotype—and lumping all Asians into one group—allows us to overlook significant social disparities.

After you mull that over, then take a step back and play some Wig Bandit Mad Libs:

(Adjective for ethnic group) Wig Bandit

How does that sound? If it sounds fine to you, well, I don’t know what to say other than shut up, cracker.

The LAPD is offering a $25,000 reward for information leading to the bandit’s arrest, so if you’re looking for some cash, beat the heat and spend the day at that creepy wig store on Hollywood. Just be sure to leave all new puppies at home (especially you, Amanda Bynes!) as the LAPD also wants you to know that the Petco dognappers are on the loose.