You may have heard that one-time hip-hop mogul Suge Knight was shot six times at Chris Brown's VMA pre-party this weekend. With all due respect to Suge Knight (?), this was not the most interesting aspect of Chris Brown's VMA pre-party. No, that was the hilarious guest list.
Now, nearly every Hollywood party has its fair share of random guests. This post does not aim to highlight that point, only to marvel at the amazing mix of humans present at a party thrown by Chris Brown in which Suge Knight was shot. Here is an incomplete but illustrative sampling of the attendees mentioned in various articles about the party:
apl.de.ap—misidentified frequently as Apple De Ap, which is the phonetic pronunciation, smh—is one of the people from the Black Eyed Peas who isn't will.i.am or Fergie.
Would you recognize him at a party? You would probably assume that no one non-famous would attempt to pull of that mohawk, but you would not recognize that mohawk as belonging to the head of apl.de.ap.
Mark Ballas is a dancer on Dancing With the Stars. His highest finishes were in seasons six and eight, when he won the competition with Kristi Yamaguchi and Shawn Johnson, respectively. His lowest finishes were in seasons seven and 10, when he finished in 11th place thanks to Shannen Doherty and Kim Kardashian, who was once not famous enough to not appear on Dancing With the Stars. In his Wikipedia photo, Mark Ballas is making this face.
Would you recognize him at a party? Unless you are your mother, no.
Tyson Beckford is a model and actor who currently hosts a television program on Bravo entitled Make Me a Supermodel, which has yet to produce any supermodels. He also appears in the upcoming film Addicted, where he is listed third on the poster behind Sharon Leal and Boris Kodjoe.
Would you recognize him at a party? Yeah, you'd probably recognize Tyson Beckford at a party.
Derek Hough is also a dancer on Dancing With the Stars. He has won the competition five times alongside Brooke Burke, Nicole Scherzinger, Jennifer Gray, Kellie Pickler and Amber Riley. He has finished second twice and no lower than sixth, when he was dragged down by Shannon Elizabeth. He is basically the Babe Ruth of Dancing With the Stars. He also had an uncredited appearance in Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone as a Hogwarts schoolboy, which Derek Hough probably put on his own Wikipedia.
Would you recognize him at a party? He is blonde and pretty so you would probably assume he was mildly famous, but no.
Lil Twist is a rapper on Lil Wayne's label who has released zero music of note. He is most famous for getting Justin Bieber high, picking up a DUI after crashing Justin Bieber's chrome Fisker Karma and driving Justin Bieber's Ferrari during an incident in which a paparazzo was killed in a car accident. After the DUI incident, Twist had the indignity of being "relegated" to driving Justin Bieber's Range Rover, and yet he still bravely shows his face in public. Lil Twist's lil brother is Lil Za, who accepts criminal charges on Bieber's behalf in exchange for Bieber putting his ass on his face.
Would you recognize him at a party? You would assume that no 13-year-old—Lil Twist is actually 21—would be wearing this much jewelry without being famous, but no you would have no idea who Lil Twist is.
You may know The Game as a rapper who is constantly talking about all the other rappers he knows. You may know The Game as someone who earlier this year nearly came to blows with the LAPD outside the same club where Chris Brown hosted his VMA pre-party. You may also not know The Game.
Would you recognize him at a party? Probably. I mean, I would, but that means nothing.
Robert Ri'chard was the star of the Nickelodeon show Cousin Skeeter. That's the most notable thing he's ever done, which in the grand scheme of world history isn't unimpressive.
UPDATE: Gawker Senior Editor Jason Parham has requested that this post note that Robert Ri'chard "appeared in the critically underrated UPN sitcom, One on One."
Would you recognize him at a party? You would see him at a distance and think "Wait, is that Cuba Gooding Jr. ...?" before worming your way up to a better viewpoint and concluding that no, that isn't Cuba Gooding Jr.
Hahaha. We know who Richard Simmons is. What we don't know is why Richard Simmons was in the same room as Suge Knight when Suge Knight got shot six times.
Would you recognize him at a party? Yes you would, and you would text your friends saying "lol Richard Simmons is at this party" and your mom "Richard Simmons is at this party."
[top image via Splash, all others via Getty]