Cate Blanchett Is Terrifying In Her New York Times Magazine Short FilmThe New York Times Magazine released 11 artsy micro-short films today, each featuring a famous celebrity being beautiful. Absurdist but artful, the shorts are so nonsensical that film buffs are likely to flock to them and immediately declare them "avant-garde" and "brilliant," rather than admit they make no fucking sense. Cate Blanchett makes a fish' eyeball pop out of its face.

The shorts were all directed by cinematographer Janusz Kaminski, and each is scripted with a line of text by actors and writers. The only notable one is Chiwetel Ejiofor's minute long short, which is worth seeing; the rest are only worth a laugh. A quick primer of what you're (not) missing, in case you get cornered by the chain-smoking creative exec whose sole claim to arthouse films is the semester he studied abroad in Paris and watched Amelie 37 times:

Bradley Cooper dances in water.

Robert Redford makes a strong case for carbs.

Oprah eulogizes how she'd feel if James Frey passed away (probably).

Greta Gerwig loathes taxidermy.

Forest Whitaker types words.

Julia Louis-Drefyus demonstrates the importance of gun safety.

Michael B. Jordan is perfection on a horse. (No really, he is perfection, and he is on a horse.)

Oscar Isaac contemplates death.

Chiwetel Ejiofor meets justice.

Adele Exarchopolous laughs maniacally.

Art! It's the fanciest when nobody understands quite what could be going on.