Breakdowns: Steven Spielberg's "Musician" Kids Sign With Jay-Z's Label

Being a DJ is the new being a lazy drug addict when it comes to jobs for celebrity children; Vine is the way to become a celebrity drug addict when you don't have famous parents; Sleepy Hollow got picked up for season 2 and ughhhhh I can't it's so awful just stop; Exxon is suing FXX over a logo, because those are the pressing matters at hand, not oil spill cleanups.

  • Want to become a famous musician? Just have super famous white bread Hollywood parents. Taking a page from the Connor Cruise playbook, Steven Spielberg's kids Theo Spielberg and Sasha Spielberg have just signed to Jay-Z's Roc Nation, under the DJ name Wardell. They recently played a Teen Vogue party and were very bad. [Variety]
  • Want to become famous but don't have famous parents? Get on Vine. Talent agencies are doing what they always do: using 6 second snap judgments in place of finding actual talent, so really, nothing new to see here kids. [Variety]
  • The stupidest show in the history of ever, Sleepy Hollow, just got picked up for a second season on Fox. [Deadline]
  • Exxon, which just stopped paying for housing for Arkansas victims displaced by their spring oil spill, is instead putting that money towards suing FXX for having a logo that's too similar to Exxon, citing the fact that consumers might think the brands are affiliated. Trust me Exxon, after Alaska and Arkansas, you could probably use the goodwill of being affiliated with FXX. [Variety]

Breakdowns is a daily roundup of all the news that wasn't interesting enough to deserve two paragraphs.